[Mari]

Hi,


At the mdoc's office today I explained that I am extra-ordinarily sleep deprived. I told her that I was unable to fill out a simple form at Human Resources earlier in the day due to probable low brain function. I begged the girl in the office to fill out the form and date it for me.

Mdoc asked about meds that would help with staying alert in the daytime.
I told her that I used to be on Ritalin and found it very helpful except for the humungous hassle the state gov puts me through to get the med because it is a "controlled substance."

She thought I should be motivated to go through the hassle to take medication (ritalin) that helps me.
I told her I cannot deal with very much.

She is willing to write the prescriptions for me if I check with my pdoc (or her suggested neruo/ psych).

M

[Dmom3005]

This would be good.

I have a interesting story for my son.

He was my hopper to the top of the wall and back down.

And now my headache guy. He would stay up all night, till a
dose of ritalin after 6pm. And then he could sleep at night.

It was a mistake that I gave that first dose after 6pm.

I wasn't supposed to. But homework was late that night.

Donna

[bizi]

well this is exciting to see if this helps you again, glad that you are willing to give it a try. I will be anxious to see updates about this.
This is huge!
((((HUGS)))
bizi

[Mari]

Donna,

I found Ritalin to be an amazing med!


Bizi,

I am optimistic. We'll see what happens. I wonder if it will help with depression without causing agitation.


M

[Mari]

Hi,


The results of the Cardiac CT for Calcium Scoring were good. My score was 0 (Zero).
I guess being on the Verapmil for 20 yrs works. Duh


Anyway, I asked her to ask me how I can tell the difference between chest pains due to heart issues and those due to anxiety.
She gave me a b.s. answer . . . . 'kept talking around in circles . . . . she said she can never guarantee, . . . asked for another heart test

Then we spent almost 40 mins going 'round and 'round about meds for sleep and then for staying awake in the day. She almost got upset it seemed and then at one point I started to cry. Spending time with her is exasperating.

In the future I should tell her to take a deep breath and get to the point so I can get out and go home.
M

[waves]

Dear Mari

Happy your cardiac CT was good, and that Ritalin might help you with sleep and alertness issues.
I hope that pdoc is on board with that.

Sorry your mdoc was so exasperating. One expects to feel better - or at least not worse - when seeking medical counsel! It never ceases to amaze me just how unperceptive or even downright insensitive doctors can be to our state of being, when they get all wrapped up in their science. I am so sorry you ended up crying due to her carrying on.

You mentioned a few days ago that your mood had gone south. I am wondering, did that lift or... ?
How are you doing now, moodwise?

I send you lots of hugs and warm thoughts.
Let us know what happens with the Ritalin.

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

Dear Mari
You mentioned a few days ago that your mood had gone south. I am wondering, did that lift or... ?
How are you doing now, moodwise?

I send you lots of hugs and warm thoughts.
Let us know what happens with the Ritalin.

~ waves ~

Waves,

My mood was good enough yesterday and today. It is better than it was the day I said my mood had gone south but maybe it is still not all that good. I cannot account for the mood changes. They do not seem tied to my sleep.

I have felt that this mdoc is good --- better than any other doctor I have had. Also, I like that she is conveniently located.
I do feel that she is not taking into account the bipolar --- cognition, mood, and the whole thing about how very very hard it is to deal with being bipolar. My pdoc, tdoc are gentle. My sleep doc is very gentle.

Mdoc wants to write 'scripts for me and I tell her I have already tried them or others in their family and will not take them (Sleep meds for example).
We seem to have the same discussion every time. I tell her that 25 years ago my psychologist said that the sleep is a medical probablem and the psychiatrist I was seeing said sleep is a psychological problem. I tell her that the care givers I have now say the same thing.
Then she she wants me to see different psych care givers. Then she wants me to ask my pdoc better questions. I told her I value the relationship I have with the pdoc and cannot ask too much of him because I need to keep his trust.
She asks if I tell my pdoc the truth about my sleep and low ability to function. (I do.)
She gets frustrated that the sleep problem cannot be fixed.

When she recommends expensive drugs like Lyrica or Provigil, I tell her insurance will not cover them. She asked about the coupon for Lyrica she gave me. I told her activating the coupon involved too many steps that I could not manage.
She seemed to feel that I was not motivated to improve my situation.

I wish she would accept the sleep condition and move on to take care of my other needs.


M

[Dmom3005]

Mari

I have to tell you, The last phrase of your post gave me a laugh.

Thanks it was a good laugh. It might help with my headache too.

Really is nice.


I hope the ritalin helps again.

Donna

[waves]

Dear Mari

sorry for the long post. i hope it is manageable.

Originally Posted by Mari

Waves,

My mood was good enough yesterday and today. It is better than it was the day I said my mood had gone south but maybe it is still not all that good. I cannot account for the mood changes. They do not seem tied to my sleep.

I am glad your mood is better than a few days ago. I hope it continues to improve. There may be a bit of cycling happening.

I have felt that this mdoc is good --- better than any other doctor I have had. Also, I like that she is conveniently located.
I do feel that she is not taking into account the bipolar --- cognition, mood, and the whole thing about how very very hard it is to deal with being bipolar. My pdoc, tdoc are gentle. My sleep doc is very gentle.

I think your mdoc is good too - she is very thorough. I know that her location is a plus when it is already hard to juggle medical stuff. I don't know if she will ever get how hard things are for you. I don't personally think it is all about being bipolar - I think the sleep deprivation is a bigger problem in the day-to-day, and I don't think bipolar is the cause of that.

Mdoc wants to write 'scripts for me and I tell her I have already tried them or others in their family and will not take them (Sleep meds for example).
We seem to have the same discussion every time. I tell her that 25 years ago my psychologist said that the sleep is a medical probablem and the psychiatrist I was seeing said sleep is a psychological problem. I tell her that the care givers I have now say the same thing.
Then she she wants me to see different psych care givers. Then she wants me to ask my pdoc better questions. I told her I value the relationship I have with the pdoc and cannot ask too much of him because I need to keep his trust.
She asks if I tell my pdoc the truth about my sleep and low ability to function. (I do.)
She gets frustrated that the sleep problem cannot be fixed.

Accepting that it is psychological would mean accepting that she cannot fix it. She may not be able to accept that. Since the only way she can help is with meds, she keeps on trying to climb up all the trees that lead to meds. I do find that distressing, and I find it distressing that she cannot trust your other experts and your relationship with them. Perhaps if she saw progress on the sleep front, she would not feel so compelled to keep on trying to take it on herself.

I'm not suggesting you change her. In my last post I really only meant to express my sympathy to you for the frustration that brought you to tears in dealing with her.

Her insistence with this sleep thing is detrimental to your relationship with her, but it also shows her to be tenacious and driven to fix everything about you, two things that contribute to making her a good doctor.

Anyway, I am glad your other doctors are gentle.

When she recommends expensive drugs like Lyrica or Provigil, I tell her insurance will not cover them. She asked about the coupon for Lyrica she gave me. I told her activating the coupon involved too many steps that I could not manage.
She seemed to feel that I was not motivated to improve my situation.

I wish she would accept the sleep condition and move on to take care of my other needs.

I wish she would too, but she might not. You may need to find a way to deflect her on this and move her along.

There are a few ways to do this and arguing or defending your position is not one of them... you could do that til Kingdom Come and I don't think she'd change her tune.

You could start sessions with "what i need and do not need from you today" conversation - without justification... just to lay it on the line so she knows. Failing that or in alternative, when she starts on something not useful to you, blocking could work - i.e. reply with a change of subject. If you are called on it, you could tell her - once only - that you have different needs from her right now and return to a useful topic. If she requests explanations, either block again or use silence. Basically put her in the position of talking to a wall... or, say, A Mountain. That will render her attempts ineffectual and it may be enough that she eventually gets it.

As to her comment on your motivation, she just does not understand the sheer energy you put into keeping up with the day-to-day. A person can be motivated but if they don't have the mental or physical energy to follow through, it doesn't help. Sometimes I have plenty motivation to do something, and at the same time feel frustrated, precisely because I don't have the necessary "juice" to follow through.

This is a difficult relationship Mari. You are dealing well all things considered. You are holding your own. I am sorry that it is difficult. Try to learn from the difficulties if you can. It may not change things but it would be a like a silver lining sort of thing.



~ waves ~

[bizi]

She does sound thorough. Are you going to try the ritalin?
bizi