Ugh
 

I had to wait until 30 mins ago to take my meds because I was sick with a bug.

I put the Klonopin under my tongue while I was waiting for whatever it was to leave.

I am better now, but not at all sleepy.

M

hope the bug has gone away now and you are sleeping
bobby

I hope you are feeling better today.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I am not at work. I am at a conference and trying to hide from people.
I guess I am very anxious after figuring our where to park and walk ---- buildings and rooms wre changed. Some apparently very nice people are chatting and I am hiding out side in the heat.

I have a literal touch stone in my pocket that I am holding --- really surprised about how freaked out I am around this new environment --- trying not to cry.

M

I became immobilized when some one asked me a question ( where do you work).

A while later I took a walk, stepped into a church, and sat down and cried.

Depression is so hard.

ahhh:(
I am sorry you had to go through that .
Wish I could give you a real hug,
sorry that the depression monster has you.....
know that you are loved.
bizi

I'm sorry Mari. It's a lonely feeling in a crowd. It's a lonely feeling always. I remember staying in a bathroom in High School when all students where called to go to the bleachers,or the sitting area at our school's football stadium. Our graduating class had about 500 people,so it was a very large student body. I went to a military school several years before that. That close quartered living arrangement drove me up the wall at a sudden point in the end of my first year there.

People in general just don't understand this type of thing. That's part of the problem. I remember talking to some people,and I'd have a sudden panic,and I'd loose my voice. At the same time the people who I was talking to would have a astonished look on their face looking at me. I don't like answering doors,phones,and that type of thing.

At times,I just don't like going outside anymore. I feel better when I do go outside though,and there are many things that I have to do. I have a couple of cameras monitoring the outside from my den area day,and night. It makes me feel safe,and no surprises at the door. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are feeling better now...
can you turn towards God when it starts to happen so you won't feel alone?
I keep on saying now when things are bad it is God's will. somehow that makes me feel better and i stop fighting with myself
bobby

God won't allow anything(Temptations,trials,and strange things)to happen that we could not endure. It is sometimes something that only He can fix,so we go to Him in prayer. Sometimes I come within a inch of breaking. I could write chapters,and pages on this subject.

So we don't become self-sufficient,but dependent on God's help,and love. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Mari I'm sorry for the nightmarish time that you went through this week. It's a feeling that we cannot put into words. Are you feeling better today? I hope so. BF:hug::hug::hug: