My boy is only 10 though-LOL-I can imagine him when he's 25 and I bet he'll want to go WITH me to a Def Leppard show. But you're right it's definitely a case of him going all gorillia on me and pulling power trips. It's not fair and I am going to just keep on being numb towards him for awhile and see how HE likes the shoe on the other foot. I still feel like crying, but I won't let myself, my sinuses cleared out thank heavens so I will get to sleep tonight with the machine, but it's just the principal of the thing, that he is not able to see because of those crap colored glasses of his.

Thanks for your reply Wendy, your post made me smile a little.

Whoops! I say take your son with you anyway! It could be a bonding experience anyway with mom. I am sure because of you he hears the music all the time anyway and could sing along!
I am glad I could make you smile.

I'm glad you made me smile too Wendy, I needed a moment there to smile. It' is so hard to be in that Numb place where I was a bit ago. It's not that bad now. I feel alittle better knowing I wasn't overreacting about this argument. I needed that validation badly, thank you Wendy.

Why you are quite welcome. That is what we are all here for!
Anytime!

I donltwant to trigger you but share some revelations that happened after losing my duahgter,

My heart was llike a huge chunk is ripped out, I had huge pressure in my chest and sadness overwhelming. Even with Mothers day and De;s birthday, my children were so sensitive. as my DIL said what is there we can do to help. But I couldn't even take a picture of all my kids and Connor anymore. People ask me how many kids I have it hurts.

I sit here with tears running because what is the answer to happiness.....WE HAVE TO MAKE IT!!!!
They do try to find things to make me happy. My husband is very insensitive when it comes to it as it was a step child that had huge issues, BUT, He does not like when my tears flow and hugs me, but on the other hand says, should he take De;s birthday off....not really wanting to, but he would if I were a mess all day.

But, the kids will absolutly say, will a moie, a day trip, my grandson coming up, anything to make me feel joy on my life because LIFE IS SO SHORT Nor garentes. God promises us eternity, but not tomorrow,,,,

IF there was not a day after that concert, it was a deep happiness you had to take with you all...
BE assertive to your husband to understand and to help accomadate you to make a happy time is a memory and happy recall forever, no regrets, Find someone to go with you or ask hubby to take you, Don;t miss a moment for a special treat you will remember.

We make or miss memories, be assetive to express exactly what the trip means, and how the loss of it will leave a unfiinished business to your heart,
Ask him how can we make this happen for me and that we are both OK with it?
Missing a moment that can never be replaced, but give you happy recall to cherish forever,. things that mean special happiness to us are often not the same thrill a hubby would have,

I wanted to take De (she so wanted to go) to Wahsington DC and they fought it,...she never got there........

Some of the last moments and conversations of my daughter are all I have, The messages on my cell phone, her sharing with me how staff had bought them WaWa soft pretzles made her really happy...even the kiss goodby with a hug and I love you are really the last memories I hold onto.

I love the memories we had of our trip to Orlando last October...they were the final pictures and happy memories we have.

Make good memories, not battles,
Make love not war, it may be all there is tomorrow.
di

I'm so sorry about your daughter, I can't even begin to imagine the depth of you heartache. I wish my hubby would try to understand, but I have given up on trying to make him understand. I wish I could go to that show, but it's not going to happen sadly. My one friend I thought would go with me said today in email she won't be going to see it so that kills my ability to go with another person. I don't have many friends anymore and my hubby is convinced that concerts are dangerous anymore and not like when we were going in the 80's, so I don't want to worry him and the guilt of going to have fun while my son is home with daddy is just too much.

I really appreciate you taking time to share your heartfelt feelings with me DiMarie, you are a wonderful loving woman and a good mother. I wish it was easier for you, but it's not. Time can never heal that pain. I hope my posting didn't upset you too much. I feel a lot better now. I can't stay numb for long, it's just not in me to be that way when I have Jackie around. He's my one and only ray of sunshine in the world and the reason I get out of bed every morning.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family DiMarie.

Dear Pam,
Maybe he is experiencing stress due to the move and such.

My first thought when I read this is that he worries about you and feels that he has responsibility for you. Most of the time this is good, but I suppose that sometimes he feels overwhelmed or incapable. ----- guy stuff.


Could someone other than him watch your son?

Mari

Dear Pamster,
I agree with mari...is there anyone else who can watch your son?
perhaps you could both go...it would be a chance to create some new good memories.
I am sorry that he hurt your feelings and that he seems so insensitive to yours....
this is unacceptable in my point of view...
grrrr!!!!
bizi

Hi Pamster, your post did not make me sad. It just seems that when people deny theirself a luxury or put something off, I know how fleeting life could be moment to moment.

I hae had to talk to my husband recently about things being trivial that he was making a big deal about. I think my level of making everyone happy, buy or do the right thing to make it all better is a priority. The no it is dangerous for me, would be how can I make this happen and not increase problems.

I would make it happen.
Even if it didn;t work out, at least I gave things a try and accept what the final outcome is....but I always wish for happy happenings, and making memories everyday. Even seeing the grandson riding a tankful of gass off in the garden tractor trailer ans Dad pulls us around...
Hope all works out OK,
Hugs Di

Yeah my mother could watch him, but then Jack doesn't ever want to leave Jackie alone. There are reasons for that, you see I was left alone with a known pedaphile and that makes Jack NOT trust my mom. I've of course forgiven her for the times that things happened of course, but it still bothers me that it happened. So Jack has implicitly stated Jackie can never be alone with her because he doesn't want to take any chances of something bad happening to our son.

So the only thing that will work is me forgetting the idea of going. PERIOD. I guess it's just a pipe dream and a forever unattainable carrot held out there before me that other people get to enjoy while I have to sit back and sacrifice any fun because my son is autistic. We already don't go out, haven't had a vacation in over 24 years and never will get one again. I hate that he's so hard, but that is how he is. HARD.

I love him with all my heart because I know he's just looking out for our best interests. But sometimes I long for a life that other people with normal kids can take for granted you know? Not going to cry about it, last night my nose clogged up and I had to wear the mask for only a few hours so I didn't sleep that well. Woke up at 4 am and was able to put it back on but still I am yawning this morning.

Our case is different because of our son's disability, and there isn't anything that I can do, no babysitter we could trust or anyone to leave him with. It's just too much "What if's' for Jack to ever trust someone with Jackie. I would be worried too if anyone was watching him but Jack. The funny (ironic) thing is that when Jack said he'd love to go to AC/DC again and he said, "But I wouldn't want to leave you alone with him like that for so long." You know what I immediately said? You guessed it, "I wouldn't mind at all Jack, I would gladly watch Jackie while you went to a AC/DC show."

And that was where he said, that the fact that I would even consider leaving him like that said a lot about my character and that really upset me because he's not being fair at all. He'd said before he'd watch Jackie if I was going to go to the Def Leppard concert. Where that changed and his true feelings surfaced I don't know but it was CRUEL in my opinion to offer that and then to slap me in the face with that kind of a mean statement saying I am a bad person because I want to get away for ONE NIGHT and enjoy life and music like I used to.

When I went to have that sleep study done it would be no different only I'd be getting home about 3 am because it's a two hour drive. *sigh* But I don't need to worry about, it isn't going to happen because I can't get him to appreciate my side of things. He's just set on making me feel miserable about it. So I will just buy the new album and wish I could have gone, because it's not going to happen. He won't go with me and he won't let me go alone or with a friend of a friend. He said I might get raped or hurt even, so I don't want to risk another argument and feel really bad he had the nerve to accuse me of abusing him yesterday.

It's just not fair, all I wanted to do was to get out of the house and have fun with a friend, and yesterday I got her email saying she couldn't go so I got a little emotionally upset and was vulnerable already and he went in for the kill after I gave in and told him what was wrong. Although she'd told me there is another friend of hers that I could have gone with, who lives two towns over, I am not going to go through all the hell it would take to get him to say yes. If he can't offer that to me free of guilt then I definitely don't want it because it would RUIN the fun I would have while there.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support, it means a lot to me to know that I am RIGHT to even think about going, that it doesn't make me a BAD mom or EVIL person for wanting one night to NOT be focused completely on autism and my darling son. I don't know how long Def Leppard will be out there touring, but there's not anyway I can get out there to see them sadly. It's a real shame too because they rock hard core. I have a feeling they have wondered where I am, 'the girl in the wheelchair with one leg who made the awesome banner' and why I haven't been to any shows since 93' when I got to go front row and had the banner I made up proudly. I would have brought it again and held it up so they could see it, but it's not going to happen.

Again, thank you everyone, I feel better knowing that other people here who's opinions I respect think I wasn't asking for something unreasonable. That helps a lot, though I still want to cry, I won't give in to that and will just try to be numb to the pain it holds for me. Because crying about it won't change anything and it really doesn't make me feel any better, but the supportive posts in this thread sure did make me feel better, so thanks everyone.