I've been toying with the idea for a while now but when the Bipolar diagnosis came, it threw me for a loop. I am feeling pretty useless at home and at loose ends. I was asking Todd if it was a good idea and he wasn't sure about the benefits I have now. We want to move into a larger apartment and that is worrying him that I won't make enough to cover that.
Darned if you do, darned if you don't.

ARRRRGHGGHGHGHGGHGHH!!!!!!

I really feel for you Wendy, I wish it was an easy question to answer. I know that writing has been a wonderful thing for me so I don't feel as useless as I used to. I do understand that feeling though, although I've been disabled for a lot longer then I've had a BP II dx. My disability is physical and so I have a whole slew of issues stemming from my physical limitations. I am glad I don't have to work though to be honest, I wouldn't be able to concetrate with all the pain I am in you know? It's pretty bad some days and I just wish I could lay in bed all day but I can't. How much of that is the BP and how much is just depression related to pain I don't know.

BUt the point is I do understand. There are no easy answers, but you have to ask yourself, what do you see yourself doing ten years from now? Do you expect to still be on disability and all? I do, although I could see myself in the middle of a writing career, so I don't think it will always be so doom and gloomy for us, I think I can write our way out of this paper bag we've been stuck in for so long. It's so hard to make it on what you get from SSDI, and SSI. I know it's hard, but working isn't an easy answer for many people because pain or depression really interfere with the ability to focus at a job and can make it impossible to enjoy the job itself.

I hope you can move into a better place, I know how exciting it is for our family to have this big move ahead. It's a low income place and it's been hard trying to go through the application process but in the end I think it will be worth it. I hope that you can move into a better place, hang in there, it can happen.

Hi,
I too am on SSDI due to physical problems neck/back fusions and herniations and the BP. Yet, you are allowed to work, but there is a limit of how much you can make without them taking your benefits away. It's called Ticket to Work, check it out at the
SSDI Government site.

I am not sure of the actual website name, but it's not hard to find. I'll see if I have it.

Hang in there.

Hugs, Nikko

((((((Wendy)))))),

I don't think it's a "pipe dream" at all -- it's HOPE and we all have to have that.

I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to do.

All you have to do is make sure you have all the facts about the impact and then you can make your decision.

Keep in mind, though, something that my WONDERFUL son has been trying to drive into my head for years: "just because you make a decision NOW, doesn't mean it's a lifetime decision. you can always change your mind later."

Don't worry about the BP. Man if all of us who had 'issues' didn't work, the country would be at a standstill One of my bosses said to me a long-long time ago, that when you take a new job, you change the job description. It changes to fit your personality. It changes to allow for the extra things that you're willing to do. It changes because sometimes you find new and better ways of doing things that gets rid of old procedures. He was saying this while in the midst of re-writing my job description because I had taken a new job

Hugs. And think POSITIVE. I believe that The Universe puts opportunities in front of us when it's trying to guide our steps. I can definitely see some step-guiding going on here

I say go for it Wendy. If you don't feel comfortable, you can always quit. But if it's important to you................that's all that matters.

You are all so great! I can't believe the outpouring of support from all of you!
I have been out of work for almost 5 years so this is new territory for me. I was thinking about this so much I couldn't fall asleep until later than normal last night. Right now I am waiting for a call from my long-term disabilty insurance co. to see what my options are on that end. She could call at anytime.
Here is what I know so far about my SSDI and Medicare benefits:
*If I make more than $620 a month or work more than 80 self-employed hours, they will take away what is over accordingly. So if you make $700 they will take $80 out of your benefits. They call it "services".
*If you make over $900 in a month, they stop your monetary benefits but you can keep your Medicare benefits for 93 months.
*As for the Medicare benefits, if your disabilities are still active, which of course with FM and BP mine are, then you get your Medicare for the amount you pay now. But if your disabilities clear up so to speak, then you can pay out of pocket for Medicare.
*You have 9 months to give work a try without penalty. If it doesn't work out, you immediately get your benefits back without having to fill the paperwork out again.
So I have done my homework on that end.
To answer your question, no I haven't talked to Todd about this yet.

Good luck Wendy, if you really want this then make it happen. If you need our support you've got it 200%! I think you've done your home work and it sounds like you want to work again, and working in a pain management office you could really reach out and impact a lot of people's lives in a positive way, just because you're disabled doesn't mean you're useless so don't ever think that okay? YOU ARE a benefit to society and the world is a much better place with you actively in it.

Wendy - so it seems if you work part time you won't lose anything?

am I correct in this?

Another option is going back to school to do something you really want to do.


Good Luck and Hugs, Nikko

Nikko, I think I have had enough with schooling. No boasting or anything, but I have a Master's Degree in History. I can't do much with it, but going back to school would be wasted at this point. Besides, I got student loans up the wazoo! Thanks for the thought though. And yes if I work part time it would only affect my benefits somewhat if any.
Pam I also think that I have something to offer that office, being a patient and a fellow pain sufferer. I have that point of view that not everyone has to offer.
Like I said I am not sure if it is a part-time gig or what would be my salary, but that question comes in two weeks.
By the way I did talk to Todd about it. I told him all the info I posted here and he really had no comment except to say and I quote....."You finally got your moods stable. Do you think it is a good time to do this?" YES!!!!! That is such a silly question. Now that my moods are stable, I am thinking clearly for the first time in a while. Besides I can always ask my therapist who I am seeing the day before my pain doc appointment if she thinks I am ready. Yah think she might be someone who would know? Duh!
You all have been so great. I really must say it again. I was wavering last night. But your posts this morning helped immensely. This is such a scary time....

Any change is scary, I understand that feeling, I am scared about the move and it doesn't help to know that it's going to be a change for the better, it's still change we have to face to get there that I am worrying about. I hope that this works out for you Wendy, you deserve to have a nice place to live and a nice job too. I am so glad to have this forum to meet up with you and the other great people who frequent this forum, it's such a important part of our support systems, I definitely am thankful for it.