[Mari]

I woke up crying and three hours late for a meeting

And the meeting was for something I cared deeply about.

M

[Lara]

I'm so sorry Mari.
You have so much on your mind.

[waves]

Mari,

Thank you for explaining. How very sad, especially for his mom, and she couldn't even talk to her husband.

Originally Posted by Mari

He was born with a condition that required care esp with regard to mobility.

He and other family members telephone each other as a normal way to keep tabs on each other when they are within the house.

That night a few mins before midnight (when he and his mother were alone in different parts of the house by themselves), he left a voice message on his mother's phone:
~that he had double checked that the door was locked, and
~he was going to bed,and
~he was o.k.

The next morning she found him.

Those were the last words she had from her son.
She was not able to talk to her husband (my brother #2) until more than twelve hours later because he was traveling and not in touch via phone.


Mari

[waves]

Originally Posted by Mari

I woke up crying and three hours late for a meeting

And the meeting was for something I cared deeply about.

M

I'm very sorry, Mari. How are you doing now?

[bizi]

I am sorry mari,
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Mari]

The no sleep and low energy is helping me ---- I am not able to feel much and that is good because what I do feel is VERY BAD/

Work buddy and I talked --- updating me on his projects -- and I was o.k. with not talking much. That helped.


===

Very surprised at
1. the fact that I have not called to talk to my brother #2 whose son just passed
. . .also that I have not talked to the sister-in-law.

Mentally I am aware that a parent burying a child is almost incomprehensible --- I am thinking that this cannot sink in now for me and might sink in later of me. --- delayed pain to deal with.

2. . . .the fact that I am almost as angry as I am sad.
(Brother #1 is deeply angry as well -- seemed angry about Brother #2 and at our parents.
Brother #1 is angry about what we went through as kids and at Dad for leaving us alone with my Mom's complete and utter craziness while he was away due to the military.

3. I think I am angry about every every every every every every every every every every every every every thing. . . .

M

[waves]

I am so sorry, Mari.

This is so very hard.

I understand being angry over this, and can see how it might "activate" latent anger about the past as well.

[bizi]

((((((HUGS))))))
Know that you are loved.

bizi

[Mari]

More phone calls.

Taked to these people:

-Brother #2 (I remembered that I had in fact briefly talked to him two days ago . . .)
-Sister-in-law (I said some nice things about her son and she started crying and got off the phone -- each of us played our expected role)
-Niece
-Father (He was willing to let me tell him how to act on his trip for the funeral)
-Sister (afternoon talk)
-Sister (four hour talk at night)

This is why people get together to have services and funerals and such.
They mourn together.
Then go home broken but buoyed enough by the togetherness
that they abandon some of the despair in order to try to live.

M

[bizi]

You are a good communicator...
bizi