Everything stinks.

It almost feels like too much to work so hard and still be messed up.


M

Hi Mari,
Just from knowing you on the internet, I don't think you are crazy at all. In fact you know yourself pretty good! Most cops do not take you to jail for crying, or even being hysterical. Only if you represent a danger to others or to yourself. We all just hang on to ourselves at times. I am bi polar too, and have had an encounter with a cop at a very bad time in my life. He was wonderful to me, and helped to settle me down. I didn't go to the lock up, psych ward or jail. He just hugged me. I tend to believe that in a crisis, most cops are going to try to do the right thing.
You are a kind and loving person in any light. ginnie

I guess I was not supposed to try to answer, since I have not been shot at, locked up, or been involved with cops restraining self or dear ones multiple times, much less people dying.

I am really, really sorry you have had this kind of repeated trauma.

I found myself trying very hard to reconcile being truthful about my take on things and saying something helpful. There may not be anything helpful to you in my truthful bucket. I was going to tell you about a really good experience I had with a cop, but it seems useless somehow.

I am not even sure what I can realistically say to be comforting.

I am sorry. This is a hard/emotional topic for you. You said we did not have to answer, and in fact I am going to stop now. I have nothing useful to say. I feel like I should apologize for trying, but that would be stupid.

I do care about you, and I tried because I care. So maybe just take home message that I care, and wish you well.

waves

I am sorry, Mari.

Thank you for sharing mari, the past traumas that we have experienced are hard to forget.
I hope that some how rehashing them was cathartic for you. Place them on back burner for now.
I am sorry it all feels so overwhelming.
You are a strong woman.
Know that...look what you have endured.
sleep today.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi
ps. can't remember if your tdoc helps you these days? Maybe time for a visit if you think she could help you feel more centered/grounded?

Bizi,

During our last session, tdoc picked up the phone to call 911.
I told her, "NO"


That was in May or Jun 2013.
She called a few times after that to try to schedule another appt.
I put her off.
She stopped calling.

M

Waves,

I take that message. Thank you.

You are right.
If I hear another story about good cops, I will puke.
The younger of my two brothers (the one with un-dx'ed bipolar) did felony jail time for selling drugs.


M

calling 911 was not helpful
can't remember if you are close to your sister?
If you are maybe reaching out to her might help?
Hubby can only do so much with what he carries daily....
bizi

Mari

I personally am glad you shared everything. I had no clue it was such
a bad situation.

I have a son who was a juvenile in jail. And in a school for boys that
he felt was a jail. Mainly in the beginning because he was maniac.
He also has a fear of jails, and cops.

Donna

Mari Have you thought about possibly applying for Social Security Disability. It sounds like you are fighting a horrible battle for your life.

Words cannot describe this kind of battle. I have a different type of thing,but I know what it's like being at my wits end. BF