Little things... the little things people do, or do not do, in their interactions with each other.

Little things can seem like big things, sometimes, especially to ultra-sensitive people, or those with a compromised personality in this sense. I believe that I am one such person. I lack the ability to discern which little things are meaningful and true indicators of big things, and which are just, simply, little things.

In fact, not all little things are just that. Some are attempts by others to communicate bigger things... ehh, shall we say "tactfully". They may not feel up to saying, "Hey you're pissing me off," or "I don't want to go out with you." Conversely, people don't always feel like being directly complimentary either. They may feel shy, or in some situations, it may be too forward to say, for instance, "I like the way you look." In these situations and others, we find little ways to tell each other bigger things. We drop hints.

Unlike people who can't take hints, I tend to take too many. I read "signals" that are not there. I get hurt (or angry, or even happy) rather too often, due to "hints" I take, that were just little, hapless, incidental things.

I try to compensate, sometimes, most often unsuccessfully. I will try to ignore a "hint" that other indications suggest is just a "little thing". One result is that I end up feeling bugged, because at a gut level, I cannot ignore the "signal". Alternatively, I miss an actual hint, and end up in an awkward situation because of it, kicking myself because I had seen the signs but ignored them.

The "hints" I am most sensitive to, are those that indicate rejection in some way. I have an excruciatingly high sensitivity to interpersonal rejection (a key borderline characteristic, btw). Regardless of why I have it or what it's part of, I do not know how to mitigate it, and it makes things very, very difficult, in person, online, it doesn't matter.

I am a freaky-outy person, and I freak out over little things.

waves

when this always happens can you force yourself to look at the big picture and try to put things more in perspective? I know that is very difficult when you are trapped by your feelings. we create a prison for ourselves. I am so cautious now that i am usually silent to avoid possible conflict and possibly interaction.
that doesn't work either
love
bobby

I wish I could Bobby. I think when it happens I really can't see the forest for the trees.

Yeah, I try avoidance but then can't stick to it. I am too social, even if it is hard. And also I end up worrying about the interactions even if I am sulking and holed up, avoiding any actual confrontation.

Sometimes I do go and present my perceptions to people I trust, but often I feel too silly. Also, when it comes to delicate matters, it does no good to probe people. Ask someone if some little thing they did or didn't do has some significance, they will tell you no, don't be silly, because they might not ready to talk about it. So at times, even reality checks don't really work or can't really work.

Right now I am kind of inundated with this stuff and upset by a lot of these little things. I am trying to tell myself it is the depression making things worse, but is definitely true is the reverse -- these "signals" are making me very sad.

waves

Waves,

I agree that little things are big things.
They often are to me.
I understand that.

Sometimes I recognize signals and choose to ignore them and plow through anyway --- recognizing that I am taking a chance.
I cut people LOTS of slack when they miss my signals.
But most of the time, people are thick skinned enough that even if I screw up, they let it go. All interactions are fraught with potential for confusion and misunderstanding and hurt. (hurt of our selves/ and / or the other person as well. Two people could walk away hurt, but usually both people walk away satisfied if not happy)


I am sorry to hear this. Rejection is exceeding crushing.

If I screwed up, I apologize.
I am depressed beyond anything and tremendously overwhelmed with self care, at work, . .
. with everything I touch, I find that I am dealing with something laborious.


Mari

Feeling rejection is a horrible feeling. I end up not letting anyone come close to me these days.

I feel like pulling myself away from people when they try to get close to me. I can't help it.

I don't want telephone calls anymore. I don't want visitors at the door. I imagine rejection thoughts after I talk to some people.

I'm sorry that I haven't been present here recently. I don't fully know what I'm going through. It's all complicated. BF

You can always come visit here BF, even if you just read and know we care.

We miss you.

Thank you, Mari, for the thoughtful post. I am mulling things over a bit...

Steve, I understand. Being alone can be a relief, even when we'd rather be with others. The lack of interaction, at least, gives us the certainty that there will be no rejection.

Lara, yes. The thing is, you know, I'll go onto Facebook now that I've joined, see my friends talk to each other merrily without me, sometimes on subjects I find frivolous, and feel rejected by the mere fact that they are not talking to me. I feel superfluous, even if I haven't said anything, or written to anybody. (Of course it is much worse if I post a reference to scary events that bothered me, and nobody so much as acknowledges it.) I guess what I'm saying is that it can be difficult, when one is sensitive to rejection, to come and read without participating, and still feel cared about. It doesn't quite come naturally.

I understand what you mean waves.
I guess it's a somewhat selfish thing on my part.

Sometimes if someone hasn't been around for a long time and I know they've been going through a very difficult time then I worry and I am relieved just to see they've been online with a little "thanks" here or there or just their name appear from time to time.

On the opposite end of the scale... Yes, it is difficult to come here and not participate and still feel cared about. I've been there and done that for very long periods of time. Barely missed. I guess my feeling is that some type of acknowledgement would have helped me in those times to feel less rejected and to start participating again if I wished.

we love you lara!
bizi

Thank you for sharing lara.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi