Possible triggers for lost medication panic attacks...





So I was going to the pill bag, one of those clear backpacks kids have which is what I keep all the meds in right? I was going to do Jackie's and was almost done, things were fine, I had the pill organizer all set needing one more medication, his abilify, the expensive one...like five hundred dollars a month expensive one and VERY important, I know you've probably heard me raving about how it's helped me, but it's helped Jackie for a lot longer then it's been helping me.

Anyway, I looked and looked, then could NOT find it! The bottle was missing! Or what I thought was missing-I did find it in the pill bag, but it had fallen down and I wasn't seeing it until I stood up and looked down into it in a total and complete panic! I thought I was doing good today, nearly hit a car though, it was turning at the same time we were in a two lane road and a very slow truck was ahead of us and I just didn't look, anyway, enough about the near miss, it didn't happen so it's all good.

Anyway, I was like "OMG! I KNOW we filled it just this weekend, its supposed to be here!" I looked on my desk and the paperwork Walgreens gives you was there for it and his other three meds we had filled this past weekend so I knew it HAD to be here. But I wasn't finding it, I called the pharmacy to double check that we'd picked it up when I thought we had and they told me it had been picked up and I was almost in tears. I really thought someone might have come in while we were sleeping and snagged it just to be annoying and cause us trouble...because it should have been right there in the backpack I keep our meds in, up in the closet, with the pill organizers.

Thank GOD I found it, I was so scared, I don't think I have been that scared in years. The idea that it was gone was so frightening to me, that we might have to somehow cough up five hundred bucks we don't have to cover a mistake I might have made made me sick to my stomach. I prayed to God to help me find them and less then five minutes later I had found it.

I had just about been on a manic high RIGHT before this too, I was singing to my music and really enjoying the day because we finally got our door chains up and Jackie will be as safe as we can make it here now, when I decided to get the meds organized since I plan on going shopping and getting some errands run tomorrow, his last day of summer school for the week. I recognized it as hypomania too and was thinking about how nice it felt to be that UP when suddenly I found myself looking at that abyss of failure and my heart just sank. I am so relieved to have found the medication, I thought I had looked over each bottle but I somehow missed it because it had fallen down.

He no longer takes topamax and the bag has more room in it now so that is why it fell down onto it's side where I missed seeing it though I felt around in the bag and thought I had found all the bottles. Man talk about major anxiety. I just needed to vent, I didn't want to tell Jack about it because he'd just get iritated with me you know? Yet another stupid mistake I make-just what he needs to hear after catching me from having an accident on our way to renew our licenses and change our addresses...He was on me about that and I was like, "It's okay y ou stopped it, I just didn't look, I was focused on the truck and not the side where I should have seen that car." And he did eventually let it die, but man of man he rode me for awhile about it...

Anyway, I have rambled on enough, I am so glad I have you folks to share this stuff with, I would never dream of telling Jack about this attack, he'd just tell me to grow up and it's not a case of being able to control it, it doesn't give up control, it's like anxiety takes your control and you have to fight it to regain your balance. But then I am sure a lot of you know what I mean. So have you done this with your meds before and had the same result? INSTANT fear and panic only to find it later?

I can't even tell youhow many times I have done that...lost count. I am overly preoccupied, get intterupted, take things for granted to be where I think they are.

I do think since you have concerns and this potentially could happen again, why not get an inexpensive lock box. Then you could put a daily med or monthly one in it, keep all meds in full view; AND LOCKED.

BUT don't forget where you put the keys. I use to hide them too....and forget. I just found a set I lost over a year ago.
ANother thing is to have a large Maxwell house coffee can, rince well, keep on top shelf in the kitchen....or peanut brittle, etc.
There are even safes made of these items.

I do have a large safe, from K-Mart, $89.00 it is fire safe. I keep all the meds there now. My problem is coming in and sticking them in a clothes backet, or shoe box until I open the safe....scarey when I forget that. It takes a combo and key, I have to discipline myself after too many heart crushing moments like you had.
Glad you were safe from the near miss, maybe a few minutes everyday to unload will help.

I went through a red light the otherday, I just picked up a car, used but newer then the other and just preoccupied with operating it and never saw the light on the side street....
We are all human..
Hugs
di

Gosh yep its a big thing when you lose a medicine. And I'm doing that all the time. I can totally relate. Also understand that its hard to have the front seat or back seat drivers too.

I also know that I can't handle it when I have all the extra hands telling me how to do this and that here and there. Seems I know how to do nothing,
until I want help.

Sorry you had such a scare.


Donna

Just hate that and i seem to be doing it more and more,even to
the point of chair tiping,and that kills my back. Glad you found it. Sue

Dear Pamster,
What a scare!
Sorry about the near miss accident...how scarey is that!
What a day.
It drives me crazy when I can't find something...I am a creature of habit and routine and like things in their places...so when something is a miss...I contact my hubby and ask him if he has used it...he is notorious for not putting things back where they belong.
anyway
hang in there bizi

I feel much better knowing that some of you have done this too and that you understand what I went through yesterday, I was so scared, but it worked out. It's so hard to deal with that kind of fear when you suddenly think you've let people you love down in a really horrible way. It would have been so awful to have to tell Jack that I lost our son's iportant medication like that. I was so afraid that I had let him and Jackie down for those ten minutes I scarbled to find his medication.

I hope to never have that happen again, since it's really the first time it happened to me I really didn't know what to do except to keep looking. It's all over now though and I feel so much better now. Thank you for the replies, again I am relieved no one was triggered by this, I feel it's better to be safe then sorry though and that is why I used trigger icons on this and the other thread.

Totally with all of you. When I get my mind set on something I am like a pit bull with BP and go crazy until I find what I am looking for or the chore is done.
It will come in handy when I go back to work but I could do without the manic part of it.

I hear you on the manic part, I think it's probably the hardest thing to deal with because it can feel good sometimes and other times it's like you don't feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what you do.

Hope things go well with the job hunting. While we were out yesterday Jack was saying I ought to go back to work and get a desk job somewhere in the city. I personally don't think it would work out to be worth it since we'd have to pay for health insurance and I don't see us being able to cover everything on what I could conceiveably make in the workplace.

I'm so glad the medication problem was quickly resolved.

As far as the job, well I think part time might be better to start off with. Then you wouldn't lose your SSDI or benefits.

I personally don't know how in the world I could work with having to care for my mom, my BP II, my severe pain issues, and then all the household things I have to do.

Just my 2 cents.

Hugs, Nikko

That is just how I feel, although Jack is confident he could do it all, I just don't know. It's an awful lot to do, taking Jackie to doctor appointments once every two months and sometimes twice in one month, it depends on the specialist he has to see. Anyway, I don't want to work really, it's really not worth it to me at the present time, besides writing is where my heart is and I have to get back to it soon. I would love to get published but it's almost like having a desk job in some ways, so hopefully I will get my first novel whipped into shape before too long and get good email queries out to some agents who might take it on and rep it to some publishers for me. That's how the game is played.