IF I got a DUI then I would lose my job and our life style.
It would be very hard financially. WE can't live on just what jeff makes.
If jeff got one I could drive him to work.
bizi

I am sorry that you are having to go thru all of this.
Congratulations on your sobriety!!!!!
bizi

Congrats on the milestone, Kay!



M

I got a little jumpy and jittery yesterday. I don't know if it was the amantadine, anxiety, or a combo. I'd only had 2 cups of coffee at that point, and I'm usually good for 6 a day. 1mg of klonopin calmed me down quite a bit. I'm a little more awake this morning, and I'm a little jittery again.

I saw my pdoc yesterday, and she told me to keep an eye on the jumpiness/jitteriness. She was taken aback by the counselor's continued concerns that I won't ask for help if I start to have psych symptoms again despite the letter she wrote. And she thought the comments about me not going out alone or driving were bizarre no matter what the intention. She said she and tdoc would be happy to provide me with anything I need to reassure/satisfy the counselor.


Bizi, You said "WE can't afford a DUI" twice. It seems like you're under the impression that my husband makes a lot of money…

He doesn't.

We tried living solely on what he makes when I had to stop working. I had to wait a year before I started receiving SSDI benefits. In the meantime, we lost our condo and almost went bankrupt. We moved into the **** hole apartment we still live in and had to learn how to change our lifestyle. ie/ We do not go out at all.

I receive SSDI now, but it's nowhere near the amount of money I'd be making if I was able to go back to work again. A lot of it goes towards medical expenses that were a huge burden before, but sometimes there's some money left over to help with some of the other bills.

I'm not thinking about canceling appointments because they're inconvenient, I've been thinking about canceling/rescheduling them because I don't see how I can afford them right now. The money from my last SSDI check will be long gone before I get the next one on March 16th and I don't want to have to dip into our little savings account (my husband likes to keep the checking account above a certain amount).

I wish I had that refund check now. I'm going to go over my taxes one more time today before I e-file them.

Kay

Sending some good thoughts. I totally understand why you are talking
about postponing some appointments. I wish I were there so I
could give you rides.

Donna

oh kay, I am sorry if I sounded insensitive.
I did not mean anything about you. I am sorry if I made you feel that way.
I was just verbalizing another reason why I should not drink....
It is a hard ship on you...I know that!
((((HUGS))))
forgive me.
bizi

Kay what is it that you were trying to post?
bizi

I was worried the fragrance was going to be too faint, but when I added it to the hot wax it was overpowering. I think it will be plenty strong when we light the candles. I ended up having to reheat more wax to top them off because they're so tall they didn't dry flat/evenly at the top. It was a PITA. But I did have fun

Sorry about the attachments. This is the best I could do

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they are great!
good for you
bobby

AH!!!
nice candles and I am glad you had fun.
Have a great day kay.
bizi

Thank you Donna, I know you would, but I also know you have enough on your plate already

It's okay Bizi, I'm sorry I misunderstood I guess it's a good thing that you're getting to hear about all the **** I'm going through. It's a reminder to continue to make responsible decisions when it comes to drinking and driving. From posts on your thread I know that you already try to plan ahead.
There's another deterrent you may not have considered: If you did get a DUI there's a possibility that you would be disciplined by the LA board of nursing… maybe would be put on probation and put into their substance abuse program. Different states have different rules though.
I'm really impressed by how much thought you have invested in your alcohol use as a whole lately: naltrexone, substance abuse counseling, and avoiding DUI. I think this kind of attention and thoughtfulness is a big step towards future change. I did hit rock bottom, but it was this kind of thinking that got me started on cutting back, and then quitting


I don't know if it was the amantadine working or what, but I got a lot done yesterday….
I spent several hours working on the candles between the initial pour and the extra time I had to spend preparing more wax to top them off. I went over my taxes a couple more times before I finally e-filed my federal return. I finished my state return, but have to send it in because my address is too long to e-file? I went through the process of printing out our copies and filing everything. We went grocery shopping when my husband got home, and I made dinner after everything was put away. This is a lot more than I can get done in a typical day, and I didn't get a nap. I was in pain from all the activity and very grouchy from being overtired. I went to bed at 10, and still woke up at 6:30am as usual.

Since I'm not used to that level of activity (especially lately), and even though I was exhausted I didn't notice much of a drop-off in cognitive function (which is a rare occurrence), I'm going to be paying very close attention to my behavior today. I remember I was having jumpiness/jitteriness on Monday and was questioning where it was coming from…
I'm going to have issues trying to determine what is the potential benefit of the drug vs. what should I be concerned about. The potential benefits to me are so similar to mild hypomania, but the drug could also trigger hypomania…