Kay,

That really stinks. 'Sorry that you have to deal with that from him.

Years ago here and on another bipolar board people with bipolar would argue
when someone with bipolar was convicted of a crime or did something similar.
. . .So even within the bipolar community, there was confusion about how responsible one is during an episode.
It is weird. It is like an updated version of witch trials.



I keep a lot to myself at home.
He helps with the pill minder but I do not teach him the names of the drugs
and it is better that way. He checks that every day is the same as the others
by color, shape, number. . . .

More details than that confuse him . . .. has too much anxiety of his own anyway.

M

The video, short and sweet I posted was on facebook.

Kay, I am so sorry that you had that fight....
It must be scarey living like that.
You are doing beautifully in keeping Alcohol free during these tough times.
He drinks too much right?
Crying is good/cathartic.
I cried the other day when I explained some interesting things that happened, with a counselor client of mine.
I guess she felt safe for me and it felt good to release those emotions.
hugs to you today
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

So glad I didn't miss the video too. I haven't seen it on your facebook.

But will have to look.

Donna

Even though my drinking binges were triggered hypomania, I accept full responsibility. I'd tell myself I was stopping off for one, but history told me I'd be closing the bar every time. It was my choice to take that first drink. I knew what would happen, but the selfishness of alcoholism and hypomania made me disregard my husband's feelings. I got a DUI. I plead guilty. It was my decision to d/d.
But he takes every negative and multiplies it. In his mind, I was out every night for years on end, but this is FAR from the truth.

My husband has a firmly held belief that a husband and wife should sleep in the same bed and is still intensely angry that I was unable to keep a regular sleep schedule. Trazodone, Ambien, Melatonin, and low-dose Amatriptaline didn't work for me. I spent many nights awake, fell asleep on the couch, or slept late into the day. He was angry that I waited to run errands or do housework late. It went on for several years. I don't know how much of this was snow, depression, or lack of discipline. But he often lost his temper.
Since being d/c from the hospital in January I've taken great pains to maintain a regular sleep cycle. It was easy when I first got out, but when I wasn't medicated well when I was hypo/manic, I would try to lay in bed and pretend to sleep to appease him, but I would have to get up if I couldn't sit still... I'd get back into bed before his alarm went off. If he got up to pee and caught me out of bed I'd hear about it. He can't understand that you just can't sleep when you're like that.
Sleep is not a problem since I've started taking the 600mg dose of Serqouel, though. I'm on a regular schedule. Rather than giving me credit for working on and succeeding at something that is so important to him, he has berated me for the dysfunctional years. He's now imposed a 10pm bedtime for me.

He kicked me out after I went out drinking 2 nights in a row. He blames me for what I did to him.. leaving him... he suffered when I left. My actions did lead to his decision, but it was not my decision to leave. He kicked me out, and not peacefully. He doesn't see the distinction.
He thinks that I was having a grand old time when I left. Maybe I was. I was drunk for 4mo. According to hospital records, I was manic and psychotic when I attempted s/s. He doesn't want to hear why I did it, says he doesn't care. Perhaps it's for the best. You don't want to leave even part of that on anyone's doorstep.

I still struggle with the guilt and shame of my s/s attempt. I was very sick, but I was so calm and calculated. I planned it for days beforehand and I was sober. Maybe it's different for everyone, but for me, it was nothing like it's portrayed in movies. With that much executive function intact, I don't know if I can give mania 100% of the credit.

---

My husband decided not to brush the fight under the rug when he came home from work on Friday- surprising.
I told him it was time for him to start recognizing all of me and to view our marriage as a whole... His temper was leading him to paint a black picture of everything... It was eating away at me and I was tired of it. And it was eating away at him, too.

He said he constantly thinks of these things, but thought that I was walking around thinking that our separation never happened. I assured him that wasn't the case, and asked him how he expected me to behave since we were trying to start over. He said he had never considered that, apologized, and said that he would try to work on his temper. He was true to his word this weekend.

Sorry for the book,

Kay

thank you so much for sharing
bobby

Wow kay.
That is something else.
I am glad that you talked and it sounds like he listened.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

it does not have to be that high a percentage.

Even if it is 10 or 20% mania, it is enough to through someone off / over the top.


I glad that he apologized. I hope he works on his temper.

Mari

...Love never fails. He should give you some slack because of what you are going through. BF

Alcohol can add an extra nudge, and I don't need anymore momentum.

I have to give myself credit for being able to stop drinking during the last episode, since drinking is my MO when I'm hypo and I live with a severe alcoholic. I'm surprised that it's been so easy thus far.

Being sober gave me an element of CONTROL I wouldn't have had otherwise. I was struggling so much sober, I have no doubt I wouldn't be here if I kept drinking.

Aside from the obvious reasons I've decided to get sober, it will help my marriage because my husband won't have to worry about me going out drinking all night. He doesn't care if I drink, as long as I do it at home. He doesn't get it.

I went to the store Monday and the lady checking me out kept staring at the scar on my neck in between scanning items (I had 4-5 things). She was making a strange face, I can't describe it. She saw me catch her a few times and she averted her eyes. She wouldn't look at my face.

It really bothered me. I can't stop thinking about it. Usually people aren't that blatant. I mentioned it to my husband. He said, "Who cares?" Obviously I do.