thanks for the tips for the potatoes. happy new year.
yesterday i overdosed on guacamole the next before and the morning so felt icky. skipped the walk. cecilia invited me over for new years and i went and stayed til 8:30. she had non alcoholic champagne. in the afternoon i skipped senior center because of my stomach and i didn't feel like going. then stella emailed me and i got together with her for lunch later in the afternoon. then she brought me a quiche which i proceeded to eat the whole thing. my poor stomach. i am really binging.I think i will eat more broccoli. now i refuse to get on the scale. then i found out they raised my medicare part b because i didn't pay for it last year on account of help. i don't know whether i should call ss and see if it can be changed or let sleeping dogs lie.
I don't know how to make an effort to be less depressed this year. I just feel like crying. How can i miss my sister when i hardly ever saw her or talked to her?
It would be nice to reconnect with my nephews but i also don't trust my bipolar because my family has always been a huge stressor to me and i don't know if Laurence is doing this out of duty or he really wants to get together.
Posssibly another nephew might join us.
right now i am feeling so much pain. i hope this doesn't reflect what the new year will bring.
bobby

my youngest nephew who works in nyc called and we are going out to lunch soon in midtown. he also sent me pictures. I told him i was thinking of myra all day and asked him when she knew she was going to die. I hope that was ok.
bobby

How awful for her boys and for you. :hug::hug::hug:

How do you feel about the pics?

I know seeing your nephews is a leap of faith, but they aren't directly linked to your childhood trauma in the same way Myra was. I'm sure memories will be stirred up during certain conversations with them, but they won't be direct assaults.

At least your oldest nephew seems to be genuinely interested in having a meaningful relationship with you- he's been initiating some contact. Remember Bobby, you are a link to Myra for your nephews, just as they are a link to her for you... I don't think it's a feeling of obligation that's making them reach out to you now. Otherwise, they would have done it years ago. I think it's more likely that they want to be closer to family.

I'd call SSA to ask about your increase in part B. You can ask if there's another program you can apply for that can help get you a reduction. It can't hurt.

I want the pictures. alex's boys are young,under ten. I am not sure how old they are. It is adorable to see them like swinging well a golf club and hitting that ball or their making faces into the camera.
Alex has taken myra's death hard but he still took his family to mexico last week.
He was included in making a silly face in one of the pictures. They all have their family and two have at least one dog (Laurence has two and a cat) they all had large new years parties. Alex keeps on saying how amazing his mom was.
I guess Myra took things better than can be expected. It must have been so hard for her getting weaker and weaker. I forgot if i wrote that he said that the doctors told myra in october there was nothing else they could do for her and then alex she rapidly went down hill and died on nov 3.
bobby

thank you so much for your thoughtful response. you are right. they are not directly related to the trauma with my family. I didn't reach out to them before I did it in their twenties. Laurence had moved to new york after graduation. I did things with him besides calling him a nazi. lol
bobby

Having the pictures of the little ones will be nice. I love getting pictures of my nephews who I don't see often. When I look at them they light me up a little :)

I'm glad your sister was around family before and when she passed. I'm sure that was a big comfort to her.

How do you feel when Alex talks about Myra?

I feel strange when alex says myra was amazing. I feel i have to agree but what was amazing to him wasn't amazing to me. she was a princess and i was a tomboy. she was an extrovert and i was an introvert. It seems easier today but now i am ambivalent about meeting alex for lunch. I have to go to midtown to meet him and my walking isn't that great. Also a lot of emotion came up yesterday which i couldn't deal with. My bipolar is really acting up. I took a higher dose of zoloft and two mg of klonopin this morning instead of 1 1/2. I don't make any sense to myself
bobby

When is the midtown lunch?

Kids have a different view of their mother than a sibling would have.

you are right. she was so good with her kids and introduced them to so many activities.
midtown in around rockefeller center around 48th and west. i live in the seventies on the east side. so it will take two buses.
i went out for coffee with stella and had a nice long talk. afterwards i bought two pairs of pants on sale. wow
bobby