[Dmom3005]

It was a great time it sounds like.

Donna

[bizi]

I have been reading a book about harm reduction.
It is a group called HAMS,
an on line support thru facebook and forums discussion group....
I have come up with a plan.
Monday thru thursday, 4 days abstain, then mod drinking or one day of planned intoxication for the weekend.
And risk reduction goal is to not drink and drive PERIOD!
bizi

[bizi]

I just lost a long post.
To summarize:
I just got back from the gym, planet fitness. Walked for 45 minutes 2.5 miles.
I had been there last 11-27-15 that was 107 days ago.
Since 11-1-15 I have gained 20 pounds.
This has me very depressed.
The medication changes made last year proved to do more harm than good.
The trazadone made me manic.
The decreased in geodon did nothing to improve my memory it only lowered my thresh hold for hypo mania and uncontrolled drinking. Yet somehow I did have a period in january that I was AF for 21 days.
March 22nd was my first AF day in 5 weeks. I was AF for 5 days straight. I felt like my sanity had returned and I was able to control myself again. I had a planned intoxication day this past friday night in new orleans. and had 4 drinks over 6 hours on easter sunday at friends house, using alcohol in social situations where everyone was drinking.
Back to AF tonight and I plan to be AF during the week and moderate drinking on the weekends. That is my harm reduction goal.
My risk reduction goal is to not drink and drive again. PERIOD.
At least for now this is what my goals are.
Will see if I can make it to the gym more often. need to be able to walk long distances if we are going to take a trip somewhere for our 20th wedding anniversary trip this summer.
I can do this.
bizi

[OhKay]

You CAN do this Bizi!

You are setting very reasonable and attainable goals for yourself. I am so glad that you are making increased activity part of your plan. You have always been very active. I think exercise will be a great outlet for you, and you will feel healthier and better about yourself.

[bizi]

When I posted the above elsewhere on my blog, one of my followers, not my friend, posted this in response:

"If you are taking ANY anti depressants and drinking alcohol, the meds will work against you. And if you HAVE been drinking and driving, then shame on you! Drinking in moderation when you know you have an alcohol issue just doesn't work. People that are addicted to alcohol just can't reduce their drinking for any length of time. You have been fighting this battle for some time now, maybe you might want to now consider seeking help. You just can't do it alone and live a respectful healthy life. Please don't EVER drive after drinking again!"

The above stings.
sigh
bizi

[OhKay]

I'm not going to say that there isn't truth in what this person wrote, but it was sanctimonious and harsh. You live a respectful life Bizi- **** them.

I don't think you'll be able to moderate your drinking in the long term in the same way as someone who has never had an alcohol problem, but you can find success with what you're trying to do now by restricting your drinking to certain days, and taking AF holidays like you have in the past, but you're going to have to periodically hit the reset button.
If you get better med control over your bp, it would make things a lot easier. If you continue to drink, that is the only thing that has the potential to change the dynamics because you binge when you cycle.

I've thought about going back through my iCal and counting all the appointments I've had just to estimate the money I've spent on cab fare since I've lost my license. I'll add that to the cost of the fine, mandatory classes, and evaluations…
Tomorrow I'll give you an estimate of how much my DUI has cost us so far, so when you go out you can just keep it in mind. I know you won'y D/D on purpose, sometimes it's hard to tell. You seem really concerned about it… maybe that number will help remind you to be extra cautious?

It seems like this has really been weighing heavily on your mind for a while, and you've been very hard on yourself. When do you see your new therapist/ substance abuse counselor again?

[bizi]

tuesdays are meat sales day at 2 different stores. center cut bone in pork chops(little verons pork doesn't have the added salt solution that the other stores use.) at $2.70 a pound, 2 is about a pound= 6 oz a piece, about $1.50 a serving. Chicken from the fresh market are Vegetarian fed and antibiotic free At $2.99 a pound. the breasts are big so They are cut into halves and we get 4 meals from one large breast, about 5 oz a serving for about $1.00 per serving. From sandras health food store I get talapia at $10.00 for 4 servings so that is $2.50 a serving. more expensive but still a bargain and their fish comes from a usa farm off of florida. Sometimes I splurge and buy wild caught salmon from there as well. It is most expensive at $3.75 for a 4 oz serving. That is not really all that pricey either when you think of how expensive it is to go out and eat. I heard that cost co has organic grass fed beef for $5 a pound which is a great price! Whole foods sells it for $9 a pound....So we may be getting that again if we buy a membership. Maybe I will go check out the store first.

[OhKay]

It sounds like you eat great!
I miss driving because I used to go to the butcher shop. I miss steak the most. Supermarket steak is the worst to settle for

I went back through my calendar and looked through all my paperwork and I estimate that between cab fare to appointments, the fine, fees, counseling sessions, and the driving class my DUI has cost us roughly $4K. It's a conservative estimate, and since I don't work that doesn't include lost wages.

[mymorgy]

i am so sorry. that is a huge hunk.
bobby

[bizi]

Kay, thank you for doing that. can you some how write that off your taxes?
It would cost me much more than 4K. If I got a dui I would lose my job.
Plus I heard an add on the radio saying it could cost up to $10k.
Another reason to commit to no drinking and driving.
bizi