I was VERY bad and ate a whole veggie calzone last night. I had not had bread in almost 3 weeks… OMG was it good!!! When I weighed myself on Monday I was 154.4, and this morning I was 153.8. I thought for sure I'd gain at least a pound… maybe I did… I'll never know. Back to being a good girl.

The bug man came yesterday. I already had the cats locked up in our bedroom, and I was dressed and ready to go, so I asked him to spray. He said he would find out where the roaches were coming from. I don't know how, and I don't care as long as they stay out of my kitchen. I made sure the woman from the leasing office would lock the door after they left. I had to be out of the apartment for at least two hours, so I went to run errands.

When I got home almost 3 hours later, I found the door unlocked. I was mad as hell and called the leasing office. The ***** who was supposed to lock the door answered my call. She told me her key didn't work in my lock, so she called maintenance to pass the buck. I thought about it for about 5 minutes after I hung up, and wondered why she never called my cell (they have the number) to give me the opportunity to go back and lock it myself. I would have preferred that.

All these issues with maintenance and the leasing office are constant and we're ****ing sick of it. I have a long list of complaints including frequent no water/no hot water which is against the law. I called back and requested an appointment with the office manager and a different girl who answered the phone said she didn't know the manager's schedule, so she asked for my email address?

Before I meet with the manager, I'm going to have to make sure I have a sufficient amount of klonopin in me to be relaxed enough to be effective. I don't deal well with confrontation anymore, and my social anxiety is worse than it's ever been.

They should have called you!!!!!!!:mad:
I am glad that you are going to have a meeting with them. and yes have plenty of klonipin on board to deal with your anxiety.
frustrating to say the least!
jbizi

K,

Such awfulness to go through. You are handling it well.
I wish the apt people did their jobs and took better care of your place and of you.


M

I got an email back from the assistant office manager letting me know that the manager would be out of the office for several days, but she would be happy to help me with my "urgent maintenance request."
I called her to let her know that I wanted to sit down to address a number of concerns, and we made an appointment for 1pm.

She was very nice. I was surprisingly calm and direct. We addressed my immediate, recent concerns first. Then I told her that every time I call the office to report a maintenance issue, I'm made to feel like a PITA, and the office staff is often rude. Maintenance issues are often done half-assed, so we have called about some problems (especially water damage) repeatedly over the years (I won't list them all). As a result, we have basically given up and live in an expensive apartment that looks like a ****ing dump. I gave her a list of issues that need to be addressed in my apartment.

She was very apologetic, and put in a work order for all of the maintenance issues, and will follow up. I also asked her to put my reserved handicapped sign back up. I had it pulled when I wasn't driving. It was a pleasant and productive meeting.

I have no idea when maintenance will come to fix the issues, or how long the repairs will take.


The recommended time for stage 1 of the South Beach Diet is two weeks, and I've done it for 3 weeks now, losing 9.2lbs despite my cheating. When I started the diet the first time I was 167lbs, so I lost 13.6 overall.

I'm actually enjoying the diet as is, but it's very restrictive, so I'm going to kinda switch to stage 2 now, and start adding adding a serving of fruit to my diet once a day. I hope it will help with my pop tart cravings :p
The expectation is to lose 1-2 pounds a week this way.

A week from now I can add an approved starch, and so on, as long as I'm not gaining weight. Whether or not I will do it that quickly, I don't know.


I have to go grocery shopping again. I know I complain about that every week, but that's how much I loath it. I just hope I'm as lucky as I was last week as far as parking, crowds, and rude people.
I didn't have as have as many problems with my meal plan or food list this week, but that's because I really didn't over think it. My priority is having enough food for both of us to eat.

It sounds like a good meeting.:)
I need to jump in the shower.
sigh
we all have things that we dread doing.
Hope you are lucky and have a good shopping experience!
bizi

I don't know what maintenance will do when they get here, but I took pictures of my bathroom ceiling. I don't see how they can patch and spray everything- the ceiling clearly needs to be replaced… and I don't know what they'll do about the crack in the wall.

Grocery shopping went well yesterday. There were a lot of people in the store, but I didn't encounter anyone particularly rude, things moved along at a pretty good pace, and I didn't have to wait long in line to check out. After two weeks, it looks like I've finally identified a good day and time to do my shopping :)

I'm going to be washing my living room walls. My husband's been talking about (likely me) doing it for a long time, and when the office staff accompanied pest control into our apartment, they complained about the strong odor of cigarette smoke and I was embarrassed by that, but I will be doing it for us… **** them.

I started out by cleaning the bathroom walls yesterday because they need to be done, and it will be easier for maintenance to match any paint they may use on their projects in there. The walls are sparkling clean, but between doing that, and going grocery shopping, I'm pretty sore this morning.

I'm going to have to be very careful not to overexert myself. I have a habit of thinking it looks like I didn't do enough, or maybe I have more in the tank than I do, and I get myself into trouble. So, I have set what seems to me to be a rather modest goal for myself today.

My husband will have to pull all the furniture away from the walls in the heart of the living room so that I can get in there to clean. He will be here to do that this weekend. I have an extra mop. Maybe I'll get some help…

YOu have been very busy! good luck getting that help this weekend!
((((HUGS)))
be careful!
bizi

I've been starting to notice some unwelcome side effects from the increase in lithium… I have a slight tremor from the MS, but it's worse now, and I know it's from the lithium because the same thing happened the last time I took it. Also, I've started to see mild flesh-colored acne when I first went back on it, and now I'm getting pimples since the increase. The problem got severe before I stopped it (due to toxicity) and it took about 6 months to clear up… I have scars.
I'm going to call my pdoc on Monday to see if we can reduce the dose. Both issues really bother me. I was treating the mild acne with an old prescription from the dermatologist, but I could use more firepower. I may make an appointment with him. While the tremor is particularly concerning, I'm not going to call my neurologist because I know it's medication-related and only decreasing or stopping the med will help. I have an appointment with him next month.


I kind of misjudged the difficulty of my project, and how much time it would take. Three doors intersect where I began, so almost everything at height-level had to be done by hand. The whole project took hours, and I took a lot of breaks, but it's done. My husband gave me pretty high compliments, which is rare :)

I have the opportunity to get behind the TV or sofa today because my husband is home to move the furniture, but I don't know if I want to or should do anything today. I'm pretty sore and tired.
My husband is in a lot of pain after a long hard day at work yesterday. I don't expect any help from him this weekend.
The Pat's game is on at 1pm tomorrow. I'm going to watch and enjoy it, and don't plan on doing any cleaning before or after.

Kay,

You have a good amount of stamina and energy.

I am happy to hear that you are making progress with your place.

M

You are amazing kay!
may I suggest what I use for stuborn acne and have for years.
It is called acne free. I get it at target but walmart carries it as well.
it is a 3 part system like proactive using bensoperoxide. I don't use the toner as it is too harsh for my skin.
I don't wear make up...I wash my face with the cleanser twice a day and apply the repair lotion just at night.
may I ask why you started up with the lithium again when you have had these 2 side effects acne and tremors before?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I DO!!!

I'm hypo!!! So, that's another side effect of the lithium increase. I guess it's unwanted, but it's hard to say that when I'm euphoric and have a ton of energy, while I'm normally dragging ***. I haven't taken a nap in 3 days!!!

This is actually not the first time I've washed the walls when I was hypo/manic. Aside from doing the bathroom, that's the only time I've done it. It seems like this is something I should have picked up on sooner.

I didn't wash any walls yesterday because my husband was still sore from Friday and didn't want to move the furniture, or have his TV viewing interrupted. I was/am very sore, but I was disappointed. I want to get this project done before I come down. I doubt I'll be able to finish it otherwise.


Bizi, I went back on the lithium because I needed to treat my depression, but I can't take an antidepressant. My options are limited because of severe side effects to other meds (ie/ Depakote, risperdal). I was given a choice between lithium and Zyprexa, and I agreed to take lithium in a low dose (300mg initially, 600mg now) because my problems, which were much worse than just tremor and acne, occurred at 1800mg.


I was up at 6am this morning. I have no idea when my husband will be up, but he didn't get up until 11 yesterday, and it's hard to stay still and be quiet until then. I would do laundry, but I'm worried if I went into the bedroom to sort through the hampers, I would wake him up.

The Pat's game is on at 1pm. Of course, I'm looking forward to it. I'll have to find ways to keep myself busy until then.

I forget...you can't take geodon?
bizi

I've never been on Geodon, but I know it's a heavy hitter, and I'm already on 800mg of seroquel (I also take lamictal, topamax, and gabapentin), which is another heavy hitter that has worked for me. She was looking for an adjunct therapy to help with the depression, and certain meds work better with one another for that. I read that Depakote and lithium are commonly paired with seroquel.

We have two cat condos, and the cats have destroyed the scratching post parts. I bought some sisal rope and wood glue to fix them up, and busied myself with preparing one of them before the game yesterday. There were some damaged parts that were still hanging on because they were stapled down. So I cut away some sections, and removed staples from others. Unfortunately, it took so long I wasn't able to get to gluing the rope on, but it killed a couple of hours. There's a lot more damaged material still hanging onto the other one, so it will take me forever to prepare it.

I enjoyed watching the game yesterday. It was a nail biter for a while, but we won! :)

I'm enjoying myself right now, but I know how dangerous it is for me to be high. I have to call my pdoc and leave a message when the office opens. I don't know how much she will reduce the lithium by. She increased it from 300mg once a day to twice a day on the 7th, and looking back I was clearly hypo by the 13th, probably earlier than that.

I'm in a rush to finish cleaning the walls now though. I'm going to have my husband pull the entertainment center and love seat away from the wall before he goes to bed tonight. I can watch TV in the bedroom if I have to.

I wonder how many people get hypo when they take lithium?
Glad that you pats won! so did the saints it was really close by 3 points.
I did not watch the game just herd the results. Glad that the cat posts kept you busy. You are doing a great job with the walls.
stay safe!
:hug:
bizi

I was on 1800mg of lithium a day, 200mg of lamicatal twice a day, and 200mg of Topamax at night for 7-8 years and was a rapid cycler. It became ridiculous the couple years (increasingly so) before I stopped it, and then had my s/s attempt. I restarted it after that hospitalization because I couldn't handle the s/e of Depakote at a low dose, I was very scared, and I knew lithium would at least keep me safe. I finally stopped it because of a very severe bout of toxicity (one of many).

My pdoc doesn't think that the hypomania is due to the increase in lithium, but she reduced it to 300mg once a day because of my tremor and acne. She wants me to take an extra dose of gabapentin, so I'll be taking 300mg twice a day now.



A guy from maintenance came by yesterday to fix a few problems…
He hasn't done anything about the ceiling or wall in the bathroom yet because he's going to show a picture to his boss who will make a decision as to whether they will redo the ceiling or just patch and spray again. He didn't have any idea about the status of my handicap sign (which may take a while), but I gave him a little map showing him where I'd like it to be placed so I can open my door wide when I get out.

The wall I was able to get to in the living room yesterday was ****ing filthy!!! It's all the nicotine…
I had to mop it with just water ****ing repeatedly before I could even think about using Mr. Clean on it. There was a lot of cat hair and dust on the radiators, but it was easy to clean up. I also vacuumed up back there. It just took forever because the walls were so disgusting…

I won't be cleaning the remaining wall in the living room today because my husband never moved the entertainment center for me last night, and there's no way I can move it myself. I can see myself cleaning the kitchen walls at some point when I come down, but I wouldn't have the initiative or energy at baseline to tackle the rest of the living room.
I am really in a lot of pain, but I'm just do driven. At least I was smart enough yesterday not to climb up on chairs to clean close to the ceiling. I forced the mop to work for me.

I have to go buy cigarettes, and run to the grocery store for a few things, so I'll be getting out of the house for a while. Maybe the walking will do me some good? I think I will do that early.
I have dreams of getting a couple of loads of laundry in at some point today. I usually put it in between 6:30-7am, but I would rather get the errands out of the way so I can focus on some kind of project at home like finishing the first cat condo, or cleaning the kitchen walls. I would benefit from some downtime, so finishing the scratching post would probably be best.

please take care of yourself.
You are hurting yourself.....maybe you could try to take a nap later?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Aside from my normal morning routine, all I ended up doing yesterday was stop off for an iced coffee, hit the grocery store, and do two loads of laundry. I needed the rest. I was walking like ****. I hope I walk better today.

Today is the first day I'll be taking a daytime dose of gabapentin, but I'm going to wait until I come home from running errands because I don't know how it will hit me.

I'm going out to buy cigarettes, and to buy a pair of khakis or black pants because I have to go to a wake tomorrow. I hope I don't have to look around much for something decent. The wake starts at 4pm, and I plan on getting there very early to beat the rush and avoid running into a wave of people I know aside from the family.

All of my appropriate clothing is at my father's house…
After months of trying to make arrangements, my husband and I are going to pick up the rest of my things on Saturday. Since my husband can't tolerate being in the same room as my father, and neither of us can stand being anywhere near his wife, my father's going to leave the bulkhead open so we won't have to deal with either of them.
I don't have a lot of stuff left there, I just hope nothing is missing or destroyed.

good luck shopping!
and much luck that you get your things back on saturday.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I found a pair of black pants in a box of old clothes in the closet, but my butt is still a little too big to wear them out. So I went out looking, and and was able to find a pair of nice black dress pants on sale at Macy's for $22 without too much trouble.

I watched the debates last night, so I was up late. I actually slept late, and I'm tired this morning… maybe I'm starting to come down a little?

Today is grocery shopping day. I haven't made up my meal plan, so my list isn't done. I would love to push shopping off until tomorrow, but we're supposed to get rain and thunderstorms. So, I will just have to make myself get my **** together and go today.

The wake is for my mother's best friend. I want to be in and out, as I always do at these kind of things, but I haven't seen the family or anyone in this circle in many years, and don't want to have to explain my disability repeatedly… the focus should be on the deceased and her family who is mourning.

My sister may not be able to go because she lives and works in Northern New Hampshire, and she also has 2 little boys at home. I will tell the family she will try her best to make it.

I am happy you found some pants that fit!!!!!They will probably fit you for a while as you lose more weight.
It feels good finding something that works when shopping. I rarely shop, maybe twice last year. Once to buy some new sweaters, boots for christmas and then some new clothes for europe.
bizi

My mother passed away 19 years ago. The wake last night was for her best friend. Her daughter and I are the same age and grew up together. I haven't seen her in years. It was hard to see her so sad.

I've had a lot of anxiety since leaving the wake and have been beating myself up worrying that I may have said something wrong. I know that it's unlikely that I did, but I'm insecure because I seldom find myself in social situations with people I care about now, especially sensitive ones.

I've also been thinking a lot about my mother. I can't help but see the two of them together. Her friend was so good to her before she passed away. I guess I can't separate the two of them, so I'm mourning for them both.

I didn't have to explain my disability, etc to anyone because the only people I knew at the wake were family members, who my sister is in contact with on FaceBook, so they already know.


My husband and I are supposed to get my things out of my father's house tomorrow. The thought of that is increasing my anxiety. My father has promised that he will open the bulkhead, he and his wife will stay upstairs, and my husband and I will be alone in the basement. I hope that he is true to his word, there are no issues, and all my things are there and in the same shape I left them in.


I had to take a klonopin at 8pm last night. I try to avoid doing that because it doesn't mix well with the hefty dose of Seroquel I take at bedtime, but I needed it at the time. I just headed straight to bed after I took my night meds to avoid the side effects.


It's going to be a rainy day today with a high probability of thunderstorms. I set myself up yesterday so that I won't have to go out at all today. I hope to get some laundry in, but mainly I just need to rest. My body is still recovering from washing walls, and I need to relax before I head to my father's house tomorrow.

It is completely understandable that you would grieve for your mother too at this time. I think grief comes in ways, there is no time limits, no right or wrong way to grieve. You are fine my dear.
Allow yourself to cry if you can.
I cried yesterday for a client of mine who was killed suddenly in a car crash. She was young, still working in her late 60's.
Her husband is disabled and now has care givers 24/7.
A friend of mine told me on face book of her passing.
so yesterday, I stopped in person to say how sorry I was...and burst into tears when I saw him, gave him a hug.
What happened to your mother?
(((((HUGS)))))
love you
bizi

Kay
I totally understand the remembering things. My father has been gone for 25 years just after Derrick was born. Because he had cancer we knew it was coming. And the odds were he was trying very hard to see both his new grandson's. Which he got to do.

I think you should relax as best you can today.
Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

I am sorry about your mother.

I am sorry to hear about your mother's friend.

:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you all :group hug:

I'm glad that your father got to see both of his grandsons come into this world, Donna :hug: :hug::hug: My mother seemed to be holding on to see my sister graduate from HS. She let go shortly after.

She passed away from lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. She fought very hard for years. When it came time to for hospice, we kept her at home. She was 46 when she passed away. I had just turned 17.

I do think about her all the time, and of course that leads to sadness at times. It's just unusual that after all these years that my emotions feel this raw. I did cry, which is rare.


I'm sorry to hear about your client, Bizi. It's very hard to lose a patient :hug::hug::hug:
It was so nice of you to stop by and see her husband. Things are going to be difficult for him in many ways. I hope he will be okay.

Working as a home health aid and in hospice, I got closer to my patients because I spent more time with them, and deaths always hit me very hard. They became friends, and sometimes like family.
It was never easy when I worked in hospitals either. Even though we had some patients that had long stays, or many visits, the number of deaths I witnessed desensitized me to a degree, but just enough so the job wouldn't break me.


I go get my stuff today. My anxiety is sky high. I'm really hoping everything goes smoothly. I don't have a lot of stuff, but I bet they moved it, so it may be hard to locate. I just want to get in and out as quickly as possible. I'll be so happy when this is over.

oh kay,
I hope you can get in and out of there with out any drama.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

We were in and out of my father's basement quickly and without any issues. Nothing was missing or destroyed :)

I really don't have that much stuff, but we have to figure out where to put it. My husband has a ton of ****, most of which IMHO should be thrown out, and it took over all the closet space when we were separated for a couple of months in 2014. I brought in a small bag of clothes (the only one that was left there) yesterday, but everything else is still in the car. My husband said he's going to bring at least some of it in today. Hopefully everything will be out of the trunk by Thursday when I do grocery shopping.

I'm so glad that everything went off without a hitch, and it's a relief to finally have all my stuff back! :)

This is great news! yeah!
now to put it all away....

Thank you for telling us about your mother. I am sure you miss her.
Do you have any siblings?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I have a sister who is a year older than me (37), and a little bother who is 28. I also have a half sister from my father's first marriage (out of 4) who is 48.

are you guys close?
bizi

I was very close to my little brother until my father and his wife blamed me for something I didn't do. It's a long story. We text occasionally now, but that's it. It makes me very sad.

My sister is married with two sons. Her oldest is 10 now. We have issues, but love one another, and have grown apart over the years. She's pushed away further since my psych hospitalizations, but we still text.

I haven't talked to my half-sister for years because all she wanted to do was talk about my father's physical (towards our mothers) and psychological abuse. I kept trying to steer our conversations away from that, but was ultimately unsuccessful, and slowly our contact dropped off. I still send her Christmas cards, but she's stopped sending them to me.

The Pats won again last night, but because of the timing of the game, I missed some of it making dinner :(
Oh well, I think I will live.

I made pizza last night, which is a no, no on my diet. I have not been very compliant lately. The last time I stepped on the scale was Friday and I weighed 151.8. When I got on the scale this morning I weighed 152.4lb. I expected it to be much worse, and I think that's what fuels the bad behavior… If I eat a bunch of crap I shouldn't, and it doesn't make a big difference it's less of a deterrent, but at the same time, I'm close to getting below 150 so I need to hunker down.

My husband only brought in the two boxes that were in the back seat of the car yesterday. I'm going to have to remove all of my husband's crap from the bookshelf before I can clean it and put my books away. I want to donate the nursing text books I no longer have use for. I will keep Taber's Medical Dictionary and my book on diagnostic medical tests and procedures.

Since the recent med change, I have slowed down. I'm having some lingering rapid thoughts, issues sitting still, a little irritability and problems with impulse control, but I'm much better. I'm no longer washing walls, which is a good sign, but I wish I was able to finish my project when I was full of energy.

I am sorry you have different relationships with your siblings....
maybe that will change in time?
Did you pats win?
bizi

Well, some of your walls are pristine I imagine.


'Sorry that you missed the end of the Pats game.



M

The Pats did win :)

I just mentioned the last dirty wall in the living room to my husband last night… I told him he's going to move the TV for me this weekend because I want to make sure I finish the project now or it will never get done. I'm not flying as high, so it will take me much longer to do though.

I stuck to my diet yesterday and was able to go to the BR two days in a row, which is a miracle. When I stepped on the scale this morning I weighed 150.6lb!!! :) That should be incentive enough to behave myself… so close to getting under 150!

Yesterday I ran out to pick up a prescription and decided to vacuum instead of getting started on the bookshelf. So, I guess that's what's on the agenda for today. The bookshelf is in the cat room where there are 3 litter boxes, so it's coated with cat litter dust, and I will have my hands full.

What do you think helped with your hypomania?
bizi
time? meds? or little of both?

I think an increase in lithium triggered the hypo episode, but my pdoc thinks otherwise. She reduced the lithium to once a day and upped the gabapentin to twice a day, and I think those changes definitely helped. But I also stopped washing the walls because my husband wouldn't move the entertainment center for me. Activities like that tend to feed my episodes, so being forced to stop doing that probably helped, too.

I've still been on a bit of a roller coaster, but (knock on wood) my episodes have been much milder and more manageable :)

I finished my work on the bookcase yesterday and it looks great.
My husband wants me to wait to finish up in the living room because he (understandably) wants to get everything we got from my father's house put away in the closets… which are full of his ****. Everything used to fit. He said he "consolidated" things, but he actually spread his crap out. I don't know what part I'm supposed to play in this ordeal, because I can't lift anything, and there's not enough room for two in front of the closet doors. He will be in a foul mood for sure.

I have a ton of errands to run in the next couple of days, I have an appointment with the gastroenterologist tomorrow, and a pdoc appointment Friday. I also have things to do around the house. I had a ton of things lined up for myself to do today. It's impossible for me to do them all. I'm going to have to sit down and make a list so I can spread some of the errands out.

Changes in his meds
 

My eldest informed me on how my boy is doing
She explained to me his sessions are positive
It the meds trials that are kicking his assssss
Now putting him on lamictal and klonopin
The last drug put him in manic state
He hasn't given up
This is good
I know how he feels
His brain able to get the thoughts he wants to get out
but his mouth drawls
This bothers him
Yet is willing to go forward
This is a good thing
And his partner very helpful in keeping him in the positive
For example
The all went to six flags
He was down a few times in his day
And his partner kept the upbeat mode going as he kept a close eye on my boy
"We have all day and night, I'm having so much fun with you all"
Brought him back
We will be together on thanksgiving
I will be there for a couple of days
Maybe we will get a chance to speak a out things
Hope and a prayer
Loving him
Me

Thinking of you kay.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Eva,
I'm glad your son's having some positive experiences. A lot of meds have made me manic, too. I had problems drooling on ridsperdal. I had a lot of problems on risperdal though. I hope he continues to do well :hug: