I just want to let you know I'm okay.

I have been worried about you. So glad you checked in. Love
bobby

Thank you for letting us know.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

My depression got a little better after I reduced the gabapentin from 400 to 300mg, but I've been suffering from mild paranoia.

I called my pdoc yesterday morning and left a message. A secretary returned my call with a message from my pdoc telling me to go back up to 400mg of gabapentin because of the paranoia, and she will discuss things with me when she sees me on Monday…
I took 400mg again for the first time last night even though I don't think she made the right decision. I hope my depression and paranoia don't get worse again before I see her.

I've been checking in and keeping up with what's been going on with everyone. Even though I'm not posting, you're all in my thoughts :grouphug:

I'll start posting more when I feel better.

Sounds like a mixed mood, paranoia and depression. Very hard to treat.
thank you for checking in...I hope you feel better soon.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

again thanks for checking in'love'bobby

I went up to 800mg of seroquel because I recently had a mixed episode that was probably predominantly depression rather than mania like I'm used to. For about a month I mistook it for a flare up of ALL my anxiety disorders at once. I didn't realize it was a mixed episode, or episode at all for that matter, because I wasn't experiencing psychomotor agitation like I usually do when I have them, which is why I think it was more depression than mania.

I think the 50mg of seroquel (that's usually added to treat hypo/mania) to treat the episode was too much and that's when I became so depressed and paranoid. I tried lowering the seroquel by 25mg, but I can't tolerate it because I need it to treat other symptoms.

I may get a better opportunity to see what's going on once the extra 100mg of gabapentin starts doing whatever it's going to do. I'm not going to press the issue with my pdoc at this point. I'm safe, so will give it a couple of days.

Kay

Since you said the 100 reduced couldn't be split in 1/2 so you could go down
just 50mg. How about if you took the 300 one day and the 400 the next.

I don't know if it would help or make a difference. I'd ask the pdoc if it
sounds like something that might work.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

Those mixed episodes are hard to dissect.

'Hoping for you that the gabapentin does what you need it to do.

M

I've had a lot of mixed episodes, and it just doesn't feel like one to me. The only sx of a mixed episode on the manic spectrum is the paranoia, but I have plenty of symptoms of depression. IDK.

Unfortunately, I'm lacking some of the insight I usually have. As a whole, this is foreign to me, so I will do some research online, and maybe that will help me sort things out.

My thought is that my pdoc also thinks that this is a mixed episode. She hears "paranoia" and automatically thinks mania… and would rather keep me down vs. up because for me it's probably safer…
My depression was worse yesterday, but I expected that going back up to 400mg of Seroquel.

yes kay I hear paranoia and think mania as well.
did you mean to say 800mg of seroquel?
bizi

i don't necessarily think that

Paranoia Depression signs
 

Signs of Paranoia Depression | LIVESTRONG.COM
M

Sorry...

I meant 400mg of gabapentin.

I am sorry you are not doing well.:(
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you for the link Mari :hug:
That hits the nail on the head.

I did some internet searches on my own, and I stopped because I wasn't getting the specific information I was looking for, and I was getting upset. I was paranoid psychotic, delusional, and hallucinating during my last two major episodes. I don't want to have to wade through any of that information and be reminded of all that right now… not a good time. I don't need to wallow in anymore self-pity.

I know I have a long history of paranoia. I don't know if it's ever happened when I've been depressed before, but it probably has. My records probably won't help. I reported feeling paranoid several times when I was diagnosed as BPII, but was blown off. I've had a lot of pdocs come and go over the years. My long term therapist (who has since left) had me diagnosed as BPI, but the pdocs obviously disagreed, and I wasn't dx as BPI until after the s/s attempt.


I laid down for a nap around 10am yesterday and didn't get up until my husband got home somewhere around 5:30pm!!! :eek:
Rocky had been all over me… he kept laying on my back, pawing at my face and hair, and rubbing his face all over my neck and cheeks… He was trying his best to wake me up because I had forgotten to feed the cats before I went into my coma… I felt so bad when I finally woke up :(

Despite my epic nap, I had no problem sleeping last night. I fell asleep around 10, and woke up at about 5:30am this morning, which is within my normal range.

I should have done laundry this morning, but I couldn't get motivated. I have to do it tomorrow. One morning I cleaned the bathroom, but I've done nothing else around here this week. I can't believe it's Thursday. I have to get my **** together today and get out of the house to run some errands. Maybe I can muster the energy to run the vacuum or something afterwards.

I have to get in the shower.

I'll get an opportunity to see if my paranoia has gotten better or not when I go out. My depression definitely has not. It's worse, but I expected that.

Kay,:hug::hug::hug:


I am sorry that you are going through this.

Sleep might be a good idea at this time. Also, staying home might be good.

You know what is best for you.


M

What do you think about calling your pdoc and speaking directly to her about what is now happening?
When is your next visit with her again?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I left a lot of detail in the message, and she decided the situation wasn't important enough to warrant speaking to me, and she hasn't called to check up on me.

I'm safe, so I kinda feel like **** it until I see her Monday.

hugs
love
bobby
it will get better

Sorry. I hate waiting for the other side of the weekend.

(My anxiety creeps up even if the condition does not.)
Take care.


M

I am hoping that you can keep yourself busy and that you have the energy to do the things that you want to do.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I put "Say Yes to the Dress" on yesterday morning and was crying within 2 minutes. I switched to "The Golden Girls," and it was a much better fit. It's familiar and comforting to me. I am no longer watching the news.

I showered and ran my errands. I was actually out of the house by noon! I got several things done in an elaborate plan not to have to leave the apartment today, tomorrow, or Sunday, but I realized this morning that the coffee supply will run out at some point before then, so my plan will fall through. I never got around to doing anything around here yesterday because I slept again instead.

I didn't have to deal with any traffic in the laundry room, and I fulfilled my promise to myself of getting two loads of laundry in. It would be nice if I could fold it promptly and get off my *** and do something, anything, else today before I go back to bed.

I thought my paranoia was better, but as I started writing to explain in all the ways it was, I realized it really isn't. I guess that's why writing all this **** down can be so helpful…

glad that you got your laundry done...
sorry about your paranoia....
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I know that it's often in my best interests to post when I'm not feeling well, but right now it's best for me to read and post less until after I see my pdoc and start to see some real progress.

I will check in every couple of days so you know I'm doing okay.

Don't worry, I'm safe.

good. just as long as we know you are okay
love
bobby

Thank you for checking in kay.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Do what works to take care of yourself.

'Sending lots of good vibes.


M

We will still be around when you are ready to come back.

Take care till then.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I saw my pdoc today…

I'm obviously very depressed, but the agitation and paranoia I'm experiencing are consistent with mania, so she thinks I'm having a mixed episode. Maybe it's a continuation of the last one I had… ? The only symptoms that improved after that med adjustment were related to my anxiety disorders, and it ended up leading to worsening depression.

She doesn't want to risk adding a SSRI, or another atypical antipsychotic at this point. I'm maxed out at 800mg of Seroquel now, and gabapentin is my second strongest mood stabilizer, but I'm on a low dose (400mg) and I only take it at night.

The plan is to increase the gabapentin to 900mg and spread it out over 3 doses since gabapentin doesn't work for long periods of time. The goal is to stabilize my mood, which will help with the paranoia. I see her the 12th. I will call her, and see her sooner if necessary.


Gabapentin has worked as a mood stabilizer for me in the past. It helped end an endless period of alternating mania and hypomania. I just don't know what to expect from this med in this situation…
Except sedation, at least initially, and Lord knows I'm sleeping enough as it is now. I'm not thrilled about that.

I guess I'll just give it a go though.

Kay

Glad you saw your pdoc. And now have a plan. Good luck.

I used to take gabapentin for pain. And took it twice a day because
if I tried three times I always for got it.

I think I took 600mg. Its been a while so I'm not positive.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I used to take 600/600/1200mg a day for neuro pain from the MS. I'd forget the daytime dose a lot, too. It stopped helping, so I ended up tapering off of it last year (?).

Well at least you guys came up with a plan.
sorry about the paranoia, that is not any fun.
Thank you for posting to us.
we love you
bizi:hug:

Kay,

It is weird that she does not recognize agitated depression.

=-=
Paranoia as far as I know can show up in depression and mania.


I am sorry because this must be frustrating.

I hope the gabapentin helps.

M

I don't have enough manic symptoms to fit the diagnosis of agitated depression right now, but because of my history, I'd normally use exactly that type of criteria before I would suspect I was having a mixed episode. Apparently there's a broad spectrum, though.

I didn't pick up on my last episode (or more likely earlier on in one long episode) until I finally started treating some significant anxiety symptoms towards the end of July. By that time it had been going on for weeks. In retrospect, it fit the pattern of a more typical mixed episode, but I was just less manic than what I'm used to.
Currently: I never would have considered the agitation to be a feature of mania, or a clue that I was having a mixed episode, despite the presence of paranoia. I mistook it for a symptom of depression.

I'm lacking my usual insight here. I'm at a disadvantage because I've been in the trenches dealing with hypo/mania for so long that depression is foreign to me now. Actually being depressed and paranoid doesn't help either.

At least this time I'm aware that I'm paranoid. It's upsetting, but at least this way, I can create separation, or keep quiet, so I don't do any damage because I know things may not be as they seem.

I'll give the gabapentin about a week to work, unless I have any issues.


I'm getting really upset because my BP has been so difficult to control in the past, I'm already on so much med, and now I'm a different kind of mess. I'm so afraid that if this episode doesn't respond to the increase in gabapentin, it may lead to a big-time med shake up, adding another heavy-duty med or having to take an antidepressant… because any one of those things could land me back in the hospital.

I'm also worrying about the evolution of my BP in general.

Please slow down your thinking if you can.
Try to take it day to day.
Be as gentle with yourself, ask hubby for help. Thank you for posting....I hope it helps somewhat.
Only you know what is really going on. Have you ever taken welbutrin? Even though I am bipolar 1 I took it in the past at half a dose and it did not make me manic. I don't think it is an SSRI.
But I do have to say that the trazadone that I took did make me manic.
or maybe it was the combination, decrease in geodon lowering thresh hold.
Probably both.
I feel for you my dear.
(((((HUGS))))
love bizi

I hope you feel better
 

Dear Kay,

You might be worrying too much --- it might be part of your mood right now.

1. Focus on your daily activities (try to live in the now).
(I remember that you studied with Thích Nhất Hạnh)

2. You are aware of the paranoid thinking -- that is good.

3. And you are ramping up the gabapentin.

You have some things going for you.


M

I won't ask my husband for help. He knows I'm "depressed" and sleeping a lot, but that's it. Even if he knew I was really struggling, he would make no effort to alter his behavior.

I've taken Wellbutrin in the past and it's made me manic.

I've tolerated Zoloft the best- in low doses, for short periods of time. But the last time I took it (for OCD), it caused hypomania relatively quickly, and contributed to an episode of agitated mania that required hospitalization.

Even though I'm depressed right now, I'm so brittle and prone to mania, putting me on any antidepressant is a big risk that my pdoc is very reluctant to take. Med induced mania can come on quicker and be more severe than my typical manic episodes that are usually preceded by hypomania.

And if she decides she want to try another atypical antipsychotic, there are problems there, too…

Yes, I remember that is how anti-depressants work with bipolar folks.
It can be hard to quickly undo the consequences.

M

sorry about the welbutrin.:(
sorry that you are feeling depressed.
I wish you felt better.
bizi