Somehow I managed to vacuum the apartment yesterday, but it wasn't because of any real motivation on my part. My husband pretty much shamed me into it.

Because I'm sleeping so much, it's hard to really gauge how I'm feeling, or how I'm doing. I was feeling mostly flat and lethargic until a little while ago, when an obnoxious telemarketer called, and instead of hanging up, I ******* lost it on her. Apparently it's still not too hard to flip my switch.

I haven't been out of the house since I saw my pdoc on Monday, but I plan on going out tomorrow to run some errands. Being around other people should give me a better idea of the level of my paranoia.

I'm going back to bed now. I hope it's not an another epic nap.

I slept for 5 hours.

What really sucks about sleeping so long and so late is that my husband is drunk, or at least halfway there, by the time I wake up from my nap now. I think he's been drinking faster when he gets home from work because he's lonely and bored. I woke up from my nap at about 5 one evening this week and he passed out at 6:30pm.
I'm upset about his drinking behavior, but I'm also aware of the fact that all my excessive sleeping isn't fair to him.

I've been on the 300mg of gabapentin twice a day since Monday, and three times a day since Tuesday. I have no expectation of how long this is supposed to take to make a difference, but it hasn't yet.


Despite that 5 hour nap, I felt particularly sedated less than an hour after taking my pills last night (very rare) and I started nodding off. When I got up off the couch to pee and go to bed, I got dizzy and felt disoriented. There was no obvious reason for it, and I checked my pill case this morning and there were no errors. I don't know what that was all about, but I will be in bed a at least half hour after taking my pills tonight because that was scary and felt rotten.

I was oversleeping prior to the increase in the frequency of the gabapentin, but I've been experiencing some sedation from the am dose of it. I have to go out today, so maybe I'll take a shower and turn in for an early nap…

It would be nice to get my errands done and be awake when my husband gets home from work for once.

I wish wellness for you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

The early nap was a good idea. It worked out for me yesterday. I will do the same today.

I had a problem with my nighttime pills again, but I was already in bed when it happened. Even though I was laying down, I still felt all ****ed up, and then I must have passed out.

I've been taking a total of 900mg of gabapentin since Tuesday, so it's had a chance to build up in my system. I take a huge 700mg dose of seroquel at night, and maybe together it's just too much… ?

I called my pdoc and left a message. I want to discuss the gabapentin anyway. I think it's been helping my paranoia, but it hasn't helped my depression.

I'm just a sad **** right now… or a bitch… when I'm awake.

Glad that the paranoia is better.
sorry that you are sad.
sorry that your husband shamed you into doing anything..... :(
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I talked to my pdoc, and she thinks that the 900mg of gabapentin was just "too much too soon." I'll be taking the 300mg twice a day instead of three times a day.

She said I hadn't been on the higher dose of gabapentin long enough to for it to help with depression.

I hope the problems with the night pills stop now, but I don't expect I'll see any improvement in my depression any time soon now that the dose has had to be cut down.

Kay,

It is hard to juggle these things. But it seems that you feel that she is being
more appropriately responsive to you.
=-=-=-=-=-
I hope that you feel less depressed soon.

M

oh kay, I hope you feel better soon.
am sorry that your depression is bringing you down.
Wish your husband were more supportive....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I had the same problem after taking my pills last night, but I just cut down to 600mg of gabapentin yesterday. Maybe tonight will be better.

I'm sure my pdoc will want me to raise the gabapentin to 900mg again the next time I see or speak to her.

I don't know how those of you who struggle with depression all the time do it :hug::hug::hug:
It's been so long since I've been through a major depressive episode, I'd forgotten how thoroughly ****ty it feels :hug::hug::hug:
At least hypomania has attractive features, even if they can be destructive.

hugs to you today my friend
(((((((HUGS)))))))
love,
bizi

I didn't have any problems after taking my pills last night :)

I am glad to hear that!
have a good sunday!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

After dealing with the weirdness the other nights, . . .
. . . . Glad to hear that this morning was good. :):D:)


M

Every little bit helps.

Last night I had trouble with my night pills again, but it wasn't as bad as it was before. I've been on 600mg since Friday. The trouble started when I was on the 900mg dose for about the same length of time. I can handle this, but I still have to get in bed before it hits. I'm obviously not ready to go up to 900mg again yet, and I'm not thrilled about it. I want to be on a therapeutic dose so I have a shot of feeling better soon.

At least my paranoia is gone.

I was excited to be the first person into the laundry room this morning… not so excited to find out that one of the washers didn't drain and had leaked all over the floor. I fished all of that load out of the water and threw it into the working washer since I was done with it (there are only 2). It was a pain, and my sleeves and slippers got wet, but it should only be about a 45 minute delay. I hope this isn't any indication of how the rest of my day is going to go…

I'll have to fold quickly and get right in the shower because I have errands I must run today. I've been procrastinating, so now I'm stuck. I have to make a list- and be thorough about it this time. I'm always leaving something off lately, and I view these mistakes less like nice opportunities to get out of the house again now, and more like ways I've screwed myself over.

Of course, at some point there will be a nap.

I have a swallowing study tomorrow, so I have to call the gastro at some point today to make sure they faxed over the order. My bet is they didn't.

oh kay sorry about the washing machine. what a bother!
I forgot you were having swallowing difficulties That took a while to finally get that appointment. Are you still have swallowing problems?
hope that you have a nice and productive day and
that you get a good nap in.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

After procrastinating, I went to go to the pharmacy, PetSmart, and the butcher shop before picking up a few things at the grocery store yesterday. That's a lot for me. I only slept for 2 1/2 hours afterwards though, which is a quick snooze nowadays!

I woke up an hour later than usual this morning feeling hung over. I'm dreading having to be at the hospital for that test by 11am. I wake up early, but that doesn't mean I'm motivated to do anything.

I'm glad I called the gastro's office yesterday because no one had faxed the order over. I'll call the hospital before I go to make sure everything's all set.

I've had swallowing problems for years, and already carry a dysphagia diagnosis due to the MS. The reason the gastro ordered the barium swallow is because he thinks the dysphagia is related to my acid reflux. I started experiencing painful swallowing more often at the same time the acid reflux and heartburn flared up.

The dysphagia in general is really just a PITA. I can control it by being careful and altering my diet a little (avoiding some things, or using extra dressing or butter on others), but swallowing pills is always hard. The big ones don't go down easy, and I inhale the tiny Synthroid pill every now and then, and it's really hard to cough it up. I should really be taking them in applesauce or pudding, but I'm stubborn and consider that to be a PITA, too.

I finally looked up PITA lol

good luck with your test this am, kay.
glad that you checked up on things yesterday....inefficiencies!:mad:
following the study I hope you get clear of that stuff...is it constipating?
bizi

:hug:
LOL!!! :):):)

Barium can be VERY constipating. It can turn into cement if you don't drink a ton of water to flush it out.

I'm absolutely exhausted... I'd cancel the appointment, but it took me so long to get this one. I'm hoping I feel more awake and alert after a shower.

I hope you feel more alert after your shower too. Good luck today!!!!
And drink a ton of water!!!!!!!
bizi

I learned that from my cousins on L.I.
Often we used it to describe people like a soon to be ex-husband.


M

Good luck with the appt, Kay.

It seems to be an important one, although all appts are important.


M

I felt alert enough to drive after my shower and made it to the appointment.

I had the last modified barium swallow done in 2010. They still haven't found a way to test for my biggest problem, crumbly things, because everything has to be coated in barium. The biggest difference the tech could see was an issue swallowing the barium pill, but otherwise my test was similar to the last one done. But the doctor will write the report.

I guess they recommended I see a speech therapist in 2010, because they treat swallowing problems, but that was never conveyed to me. I wouldn't have done it anyway. They asked why I never had a regular barium swallow done, and I just said IDK.

When I got home, I couldn't get into the door I usually use because someone broke their key in the lock, so I had to walk around the building. I called maintenance, and they came by to fix it, but my husband said it's still not working right.
I know the washer I called about Tuesday is still busted because my purple "Not Working" post-it is still stuck to it. So instead of 2 washers for 30 apartments there's 1 now.
Maintenance here is terrible here.

The test was quick, so I had myself a little 4 1/2 hour nap when I got home.

My goal for the day is to get a couple of chores done around the house before I allow myself to go out and play the lottery.

Sorry about your maintenance issues, how frustrating!:mad:
glad that the test is behind you.....
I am not firing on all cylinders this morning.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I keep waking up at 5am every morning and can't get back to sleep… it serves no purpose!!! It's so frustrating!!!

I made my weekly trip to play the lottery. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like the guy at the convenience store was in any way trying to steal the tickets I bought or cheat me out of my winnings ($2 yesterday), so I guess I'm really not paranoid any more lol

I didn't do any housework though. There was a big 3-way cat fight this morning, and there's fur balls everywhere, so I guess I'll have to run the vacuum today. It wasn't #1 on my list.

When I got home, I couldn't get in that outside door again because the key wouldn't turn in the lock. So I called the office to report it, called my husband to tell him to use the side door when he came home, and then I laid down for a nap.

I woke up to my husband shaking me, asking me if and when I called about the lock on that door. He was furious, started yelling, and said he was going over to the office to tear them new ***holes. He has a terrible temper, so I was worried, and obviously couldn't sleep anymore. He came back a short time later, so at least he didn't get arrested. I really hope they fix that lock by the time he gets home from work today. Otherwise I have a feeling I'm going to have to come up with bail money or will be getting an eviction notice.

I try very hard to avoid him having contact with the office when there's a problem, or allowing him to get involved in similar situations because of his temper. He's usually a lot worse when he's sober. I'm almost certain he behaves himself very well at work… I guess I get to see the fallout from everything he's been holding in all day.

Good morning kay,
I noticed you were getting up earlier in your posts.
5 am is awfully early.
do you think that is because of your naps?
sorry that they have not fixed the gate. hubby sounds frightening when he gets angry like that.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Kay

So sorry hubby got so upset. But it sounds like it could also be a safety hazard
for the tenants in the building. So it should either be fixed right away or they
let you guys know why its not been. Say they have to order a part.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

I understand your husband's fury.

The landlord is violating all kinds of city codes, the lease agreement, and so on.


BUT I fully understand your need to keep your husband from getting hostile.
I hope the situation will improve for the both of you.


M

I've been waking up early for a long time… it's just more consistently 5am now. My husband wakes up early, and I think I started getting up to his alarms and got on this schedule. I sleep for about 7 hours every night, and it's based on what time I go to bed more than anything. It could be related to the naps, but they don't prevent me from falling asleep at 10pm, so I doubt it.

When I went to make one of my many cups of coffee yesterday a bug scurried across my kitchen counter… !!! It's the second time I've seen one, and my husband has seen one as well. I don't think they were roaches because they had rounded backs, and the roaches in this area apparently don't have that feature. They're also very easy to squish. I've never encountered a cockroach though.

I clean my countertops before and after I cook, and after I'm done making coffee for the day. Having bugs in my kitchen is embarrassing. They're not just widespread and something that everyone has to deal with here.

I went to the apartment office to 1) ask them to have pest control spray for bugs 2) pick up a package and 3) explain the issue with the lock more clearly in person.

I made it clear that 2 work orders should have been put in regarding the lock on the door… one on Wednesday when the work was completed incorrectly, and one on Thursday when it should have been fixed again. There was no second work order put in, and that's why maintenance never returned to rectify the problem.
Since I had the feeling my husband probably left a lasting impression when he stopped by the office Thursday, I apologized. The office manager thanked me and said she appreciated it.

When my husband was walking in the building yesterday afternoon, someone from maintenance caught up with him and asked about the lock. Even though our keys unlock every other lock in the building, the maintenance man is convinced it's a problem with just our keys, because they are about 7 years old, and apparently we're the only ones who complained. He made us duplicates of the keys we already have… for what reason I don't know. My husband was satisfied with the fact that the maintenance man at least made an effort, but the issue will remain unresolved until at least Monday.

There's a long, ugly florescent light on our kitchen ceiling that went out Thursday. I bought bulbs for it yesterday, and my husband changed them out, but it still won't work. So, I guess it's a problem with the light fixture… and another maintenance issue I'm going to have to ***** about and deal with. Meanwhile, I'm cooking in the dark.

That washing machine is still broken lol

I never did get that vacuum out yesterday, but I bleached out the bathroom and cleaned the very large cover to the light fixture in the kitchen (it's a rectangular plastic piece of crap).

I have to go food shopping today. Yay! My favorite!
Maybe I'll vacuum after wards…

glad that you sleep at night too.
busy day!
sorry about the bugs, coaches are quite common down here. We usually see huge ones which are old and looking for water. They are fast and squish easily thank goodness!
Thank you for your support kay.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

You are getting a lot done.

I hope that you do not have any roaches.
It is a blessing that you have never seen one.


M

happy sunday kay!
today is a new day.
bizi

While I was washing my hands this morning, Dottie was sitting on top of the toilet waiting for me to pat her. She started rubbing her face on the flusher, and after a few times she actually rubbed hard enough to flush the toilet! It was hilarious! I love my cats, they're so much fun :):):)

I was up late all weekend, which means I've been sleeping in :):):)

I'm excited because it's officially football season, and I watched the first meaningful Pats game last night. Our backup quarterback Jimmy G played really well from the outset, and even though we were missing a few key players (including Brady), we won! It was a good game :)

I still haven't gone food shopping due to a combination of sleep, weather, laziness, and needing to do other things. I did go out to buy coffee and milk last night though. I've been avoiding grocery shopping like the plague this time around, but I have to go today. No excuses.

I guess when the office opens, I'm going to have to call about that ****ing light in the kitchen. At some point I expect maintenance to come by about the lock and keys. I guess if I'm out when they get here they'll just have to come back later. I hope I can be patient with the guy… it's not just an issue with our keys. People have figured out you can open the lock by using just the tip of a key, and apparently they are satisfied with that. I'm not, because it means I'm not living in a secure building right now.

I will go food shopping today.
Meanwhile, I'm way behind on laundry and everything else.

I just got a reminder call from my GYN that reminded me I have an appointment with my pdoc today at noon :confused:

having to deal with maintenace men is frustrating.
opps! about your gyn appointment! good luck with all you want to do today!
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I can totally understand not just wanting to use tip of key.
No idea but it might work on other things then too.

Hope they pay attention.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I don't think the office or maintenance is interested in pursuing the lock issue any further, and I don't know if I have the patience to follow up on it. At some point, my husband may force my hand though.


Pest control came this morning. I had to clean out under the bathroom and kitchen sinks, EMPTY ALL THE CABINETS in the kitchen (dishes and all), and move everything into the living room before they came. I had no idea how much crap I have. I went food shopping yesterday so there was even more to pack up.

Prior to their arrival I had to set the kitties up in the bedroom with food, water and- YUCK- a litter box. The poor things kept trying to break free :(

I was kind of hoping that after all that effort, I'd see, or they'd see, some evidence of bugs to make it all worthwhile, but that didn't happen. They said they didn't think we had roaches.

Since the cabinets are empty, this is the perfect opportunity to wipe down the shelves, but I have zero motivation or energy to do that. I'm exhausted from having to pack and move everything. I don't even want to think putting everything away.


I saw my pdoc yesterday.

Since my manic symptoms are gone, I just need to be treated for depression at this point. I can't take antidepressants, and a lot of other meds are out because of severe side effects, so she gave me a choice between adding low doses of either Zyprexa or lithium as an adjunct.

I really don't like the idea of being on two antipsychotics that cause major weight gain and sedation, so I was turned off by the Zyprexa…

I took 1800mg of lithium for years and experienced vision and neurological side effects (and severe acne in the last 6 mo or so taking it), and went through multiple bouts of toxicity, so that wasn't a particularly appealing option either…

But ultimately I ended up choosing the lithium because I'll only be taking 300mg vs. 1800mg a day, so there is a reduced risk of side effects, and the plan is only for short-term use. Lithium tends to work fairly quickly, so that's a bonus. My pdoc will be monitoring my levels closely, and I have my first blood draw Friday. But at the first sign of trouble, I will be stopping it. I'm particularly afraid it will effect my vision again.

I'm not happy to be adding anything. When you're on as many drugs as I am, it's hard to anticipate what a med change will do. I guess we'll see what happens…


I have so much to do, and all I really need right now is a nap :(

:grouphug:Good luck Kay.

I can totally relate to not wanting to add a new medicine.

Donna :hug::grouphug: