I am sorry that you are in mental pain/anguish.
Sounds awful
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I feel so alone and empty. I hope I can read. I went out with cecilia for her birthday and it wasn't pleasant. I dread thanksgiving and the rest of the holidays. I just ordered five pints of ice cream. They were all on sale. I hope I don't eat them all in one day. I told myself I can't shop on ebay. I have spent too much money. My legs hurt but I made it to finegans yesterday. I am a mess.

Good morning bobby,
I wonder if the up and coming holidays is contributing to your anxiety right now?
Sorry you are struggling.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I have a hard time with the holidays, too but for different reasons :hug::hug::hug:

I'm sorry you are feeling alone and depressed. I hope you can get back on an antidepressant soon :hug::hug::hug:

i am reading a delightful book. I ordered more chocolate which acts as an antidepressant for me. I should get it tomorrow and monday. I am not as itchy.
a young woman with her two young sons came for meals on wheels. she was lovely and the sons were adorable. that gave me a lift. I can't wait to get the chocolate. I see the pdoc in another week. I don't know what he is going to do about recommending another antidepressant. I hope he doesn't get mad that i stopped the sleeping pills and the ativan. I am less itchy and jittery. I am taking klonopin again self prescribed. I don't know if it does anything. when the rabbi comes over on tuesday I will ask him to say some prayers for me. tomorrow I think somebody is coming over in the morning from dorot with some goodies. I will try to clean up a little. I have no plans for the holidays.
I don't know what cecilia is doing.

I finished the book and ordered three more by the same author and started another book by Julia quinn. a lot of times when I am reading I am not depressed. I don't understand but it has always been like this since I was little. I just have to find books I enjoy. I am still itchy and stingy and worried what my pdoc will say about going off the meds. something is causing these side effects.they are driving me crazy. my feet are bothering me too. I didn't sleep much last night. I did a little cleaning this morning. I don't think I will do anymore. I had sad thoughts about the way my family treated me for the holidays. they mostly spent them with my sister and her family and left me out.often times they were mean to me so I guess it was better. I spent so much time alone.sh^t

I am sorry that they treated you so bad.
Are there soom happy memories to call upon to help counter off the bad ones?
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

no there are not

I am so sorry.....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
Continue posting about this if this helps ease your pain.

I’m glad that reading helps with your depression. You’re not alone there... a lot of people find comfort in books :hug:

I’m so sorry that you had such a rough upbringing and your mother and sister treated you like such s-, especially during the holidays :hug::hug::hug:

I hope that Cecilia doesn’t have any Thanksgiving plans and you can spend the day together :hug::hug::hug: