Bobby

I am saying prayers for Suri, and will continue. I also think we can all just keep her in our thoughts. Also maybe go to the spritual page on the area here in Neurotalk and add her as a prayer request.

They usually will pray I believe.
If you are comfortable doing that.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you so much Donna. right now one of my cats has disappeared. The workmen were making a lot of noise outside. My nerves are shot. I hope she is okay.
love
bobby

Bobby

The odds are that she didn't like the noise either. I'm guessing when its quiet for a while again she will come back out. Just wait on her.

I know our cats will hide if they get to scared noise wise and wait it
out.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

she came out eventually.

I am glad that she came out.
I hope you are ok and get some sleep tonight.
((((((HUGS)))))))
love

bizi

i feel sort of sick. I had too much ice cream. I played with Danny a lot and Abby was teasing him.Robert is really working hard on the desk.
love
bobby so depressed

i resisted buying another tunic. It is so hard.. There is such a compulsion to spend. I also keep on telling myself that I trust God and Suri is in God's hands.
It still hurts so much..

I am sorry it is so hard.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

i bought the tunic, i am trying as hard as I can but that is not good enough.
I am severely depressed and woke up at two a,m, I sent Alice an apology note saying I am trying the best I can but that is not enough. alice is postponing the november check. she just might skip it totally.
i have a wonderful relationshiop with Danny now,.he even jumps in my lap now.
aby spent the time watching us, Pudge just slept. I spend a lot of time petting him.
have been praying for Suri and that she will find peace.my bipolar has gotten worse .

alice isn't angry at me

I am glad that alice is not angry with you.
What made you think that she was?

i had marci send the rent check to her but she didn
t follow the instructions that were easy. I told her it was on the same side as the elevatiors. I gave her and she wound up throwing it out. I was feeling lousy and didn't have the strength to go downstairs. she threw it where you throw garage mail. Finally after all was cleared up alice wrote me and said she will send the dec check but wait to send the november check..
I thought that meant she was angry at me. I can't figure out skype. I used it years ago.
love
bobby

I hope you are having a nice day!
((((((HUGS)))))))
love

bizi

it was a disaster. i bought a pair of shoes that i didn't notice said small and I am a medium. within then minutes I asked to cancel. I thought he wrote me back that he wouldn't. He was joking. he gave me full refund. I felt rotten all day. I even had potato chips. My stomach is still off.. why can't I control myself?
love
bobby

What ever happened with the risperdol?
sorry it is so hard. I still think you are undermedicated...it is not your fault.
(((((HUGS)))))
love
bizi

i see him on thursday. i will tell him how out of control I am. I think you are right.
love
bobby

Can you take in your bill and show it too him. To show him how out of control you are. Showing him how many of the same thing you buy type thing.

I wish I'd thought to tell you to take pictures of the bags and bags of things
you were giving to good will so you could try showing him how you were giving some of the things away. Maybe not exactly what you were buying but other things to make room. Its not exactly a hoarding situation but it reminds me
of the same type thing, and I wouldn't bring that up to him because he would
probably tell you that you need an counselor type person who handles those
type things to talk to about it.

So I hope he can help you.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

it is manic behavior and not hoarding.It is a compulsion which I can't control. only medication can help.. for most of my life I had very little. I was trying to get a therapist to come to the apartment. I can't afford taking a cab to one. My walking is awful. my legs tend to hurt..
i can just tell him that I am way overspending. he will believe me.

called my cardiologist about the results of the heart monitor. they will get the final report on wednesday and then he will call me. my pulse was high this morning.

i also am very angry, irritable and severely depressed. I get a momentary high when I buy something. then terror at my spending.

i forgot I always have trouble sleeping and am constantly exhausted. i think bipolar gets worse as you get old.

Bipolar has been proven to get worse with age, its not a matter of belief its a matter of medical study - all mental illness gets worse with age as our brains age too and mental illness gets worse. Regardless of meds you cannot control BP completely, the meds act as control factors but sometimes and often over time your body adapts and meds need to be tailored.

Bobby

I realized it wasn't hoarding, I was meaning it was a lot like that. And was
wondering if he needed proof. So I trying to figure that part out. I'm glad
he doesn't need it.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i slept ,bore last night, I am going to try so hard to stop buying tunics and shoes. I will just try to r ead more. I hope I am really scared about money. I am also scared about the heart monitor results tomorrow.

the heart monitor. Is it a smallish device stsuck to your chest? I saw one the other day so much better that the ones you wore like a harness/vest. It was awful.
Hope you do some reading today bobby.
love you
bizi

three things stuck on my chest attached to a thingie that had strap and hung from my neck. one of the things came off in the middle of the night. i don't know how long it was off. i called the number and the guy told me where to place it.
i am reading
;love you
bobby

Glad you are reading.

I hope your test results come back good.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

the new medication i am taking may affect the heart ugh.
fondly
bobby

I am feeling so lonely and afraid. There was a party in the building this evening and Marci went with me. Marci finally helped serve me. It was too hard to do it myself. I got scared when I was leaving. I thought I was going to fall down.. I am really handicapped.
I rode the recumbent bike for four minutes. I hope to force myself to do it a couple of more times today. That might help.
bought some nails and a hammer. don't know where my hammer is. spending spending. any excuse

I am totally out of control. I finally heard from my doctor's assistant at five and he said my heart was fine. My doctor had taken me off of one of my blood pressure medicines so now my blood pressure is high again. fanapt now seems to make everything worse. I am so depressed and anxious. I have no impulse control. Instead of calling the handyman to put a couple of nails in my wall, since I couldn't find my hammer I bought a new one and then bought nails to do it myself .
I don't know what the doctor will give me. I am so manic..

Hi Bobby,
I am glad that they had a holiday party at your building. was it well attended? How was the food? Am glad that Marci helped you with some food.
Have you been able to ride your bike at all?
Hugs to you today. Hope you get some more sleep.
love
bizi

I am sorry you are out of control. when do you see your pdoc?
Are you going to ask about respirdal?????
I sorry if you told me already,
love
bizi

the food was great but I am out of control in my eating and am afraid I gained five more pounds. A lot of people were there., Opened a bottle of wine tonight because I was so anxious. Also the computer is acting up a bit.
love
bobby
only used the bike once today.

I see the doctor tomorrow. I had asked him for risperidal before. then he gave me fanapt.i before it gave me such a great sense of well being. Now it seems to be doing the opposite.
love
bobby

i only gained a pound. I had a little more than half a bottle of wine and was able to get a good night's sleep. I have no idea what is going to happen at the doctors.
My pulse rate is really high. It was 127. My bp was 151. I am so out of control. Pudge slept with me all night.

so you see your pdoc today.
good luck.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bobby

I am not sure where I heard it but I believe someone told me that
taking deep breaths will help your heart rate and blood pressure.
Not positive about the heart rate but the blood pressure.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

just read that drinking a lot of water helps.
My doctor upped the medication Fanapt to 6 mg. He said it should level myself. He said over eating isn't a sign of mania. I told him about Suri and how upset I am. He showed me deep compassion.
I see him next month. I told him I was out of control with spending. He said we might have to try something new.
He looked farnap and interaction with bp medicine and he thought they should both lower it but peak to my doctor. I left a message with my internist
i just biked for six minutes. the bike is easy

Glad that you posted. thank you for that.
Sounds like he listened to you so that was good.
I guess I can see what he said about over eating not being mania.
but I don't know.....what do you think, you know your body best!
((((((HUGS)))))))
love bizi

Bobby

Could the overeating be because your worried about Suri ,
even though the last part is just recent. But she has been sick
a while. Also it could be partially trying to find something that
taste good.

I know when I'm having trouble finding foods that taste good.
I want to eat., and can't always find it. So I just keep wanting
to.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I really am upset about Suri. I had finally tears in my eyes when I told my psychiatrist about her. I haven't been able to cry in years. I love her so much.
Now I am even drinking more wine.I ordered a small chocolate cake and freshdirect is giving me free candy bars.. I am sort of afraid of the wine. I can't seem to stand the pain.
Bizi I don't know why I want certain food and have good food spoiling in my refrigerator.. I think I am trying to feel good eating certain foods, drinking wine and buying so many things. It is a different kind of depression. There is hardly any control..I am really angry that I am bipolar. I really screwed up my life. I cam't seem to forgive myself.
robert came over with danny. he finished the desk. it looks great. then he really liked one of my flashlights and he liked the color blue.i gave it to him. he has
hardly taken anything for himself. he sounded happy when i told him i ordered two pairs of boots for danny.
love
bobby