Bobby

I think you are justified to be angry and sad both about Suri. I am glad you gave RObert the Flashlight. And ordered Danny Boots. Maybe you will start just ordering things for him and the kitties now.

I wanted to warn you that I'm probably going to be off the boards now.
My computer has to go to south bend as soon as I can get it to UPS, and
I hate that. But until it gets back I wont have a way in. Because I don't know my password, or how to get in the phone side.

Also I hurt my right eye really good yesterday evening, so much that
its swollen and bruised really good now. SO I can't read or see real good.

I'm black and blue and bruised. I know your not on facebook, or I'd tell you
to go there and see the picture.

I was bringing Kortni and Harmony back from getting Harmony into preschool in January, two days a week. And fell at the convience store.
Luckily I don't have any bleeding internally or broken bones in the eye borw
area. And all the bones in teh eye area.

I'm a mess though, Kortni got me home. And Dale gotme to the Hoespital for an cscan.
Donna :hug::grouphug:

poor Donna. I am so sorry. Did they say how long it would take to heal? I will miss you when you are gone! I hate passwords.. Robert said there is some kind of stick he will give me and I can download all the passwords I have saved. I tend dto write them down in the computer and occasionally print them out.
I am feeling sick. I ate the whole little cake and free chocolate candy bars the store gave me..
I made Zeynep's morning. In the middle of the night I sent her a link to Cat Steven's music.I didn't know she loves him. she said she cried during hear some of the music. it turned out he kissed her.she said he was the gentlest and best kisser.
i am always buying chewy things for danny. i am always buying him hamburg. i just bought him his third set of boots.
fondly
bobby

hi bobby, I will be absent....not sure I will be on line at my inlaws or not. I think so.take care of you .
love bizi

I know! I will miss you but have a great time.
love
bobby

Understanding Compulsive Shopping Disorder

i think mine is linked to depression. today I will try not to buy anything. I wound up listening music all night. i can't get enough of Cat Stevens. I find him so soothing.
the board going to be lonely

he has a song I love my dog lol. what a great song

just spoke with my friend Joyce. She said I was a smart woman and know the spending won't help the pain so I should stop spending. She said I could call her whenever to.I have gotten most of my kitty cats with her help.
she said I could write as often to Suri as I want..
I just got a scare from duane reade. they were charging ,me 261 for aplenzin. I told the woman I should only pay 20 dollars even though it is an extremely expensive antidepressant. I really freaked and thought I would have to stop it, After five minutes she said it would cost 20..

BUPROPION is used to treat depression . The lowest GoodRx price for the most common version of Aplenzin is around $4,024.62, 18% off the average retail price of $4,933.66. Compare atypical antidepressants .

Attachment 10277 this is danny

gt the aplenzin for 20 dollars for three months.slept about two hours last night. my bi[olar is getting worse

Hi, Bobby.



I used to take BUPROPION and it worked for me for a long time.
When I wanted to get back to it with my current pdoc a while ago,
I had side effect issues.

I'm sorry to hear about Suri.




M

Danny is adorable.
Great looking sweetheart.




M

Dear Donna,

I send healing vibes.


M

that you about Suri. It is so painful for me.. I sent gedalia another email yesterday but he didn't answer me.
I am glad you liked the picture of Danny. He is a very proud dog. When he jumps in my lap he makes me so happy.. Robert is a wonderful owner and now a lot of the wildest of Danny is disappearing.
I wish I could get rid of this depression. I am not sure if the new medication is affecting my thinking. My remote is broken but still works but after all these years I forgot what button to press. scarey
fondly
bobby
turmeric curcumin with piperine might be helping my leg and back pain

Bobby,

'Interesting about turmeric curcumin with piperine.

I hope that it works well for you.


M

I think it might be helping a bit.

that new medication i am taking might be helping. I am not depressed. Robert is coming over again soon with Danny. the boots I bought him didn;t fit. I actually bought him three pairs/
I have been listening to a lot of Bach and elton John and Phil Collins. this station WKCR 89.9FM NY is playing bach non stop

Oh, Wow,
I clicked on it and I accessed the radio station here!
They are playing Johann Sebastian Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor.

'So very happy to hear that the medication is working. :):):)
I hope you enjoyed the Robert and Danny visit.
Do the boots keep his feet from getting cold and from other stuff he
might encounter on the street/ sidewalk?


M

'Fantastic that you shared the radio station.
Thank you.

The only radio I've been able to figure out how to access is my
local NPR.


M

II am so glad you enjoyed the internet station. I think BAch is the greatest composer who ever lived and he was really in touch with God. Supposedly he was a happy family man with a lot of children.
I wasted almost 25 dollars on the boots I bought for Danny,. Besides not fitting Robert said he would have eaten them. This visit he was limited to the treats. He had too many the other day and got an upset stomaach. Abby stayed high on one of the cabinets so didn't tease him.Amazing Pudge stayed in the back of the recliner and didn't react to Danny when he came up on the chair and was right next to her. One brave and laid back cat.
robert helped me withe smartphone.
I woke up severely depressed. I dreamt I had to go to the doctor for medicine.
I am still very out of control. It makes things very unpleasant..
fondly
bobby

had to change my cardiologist's appt to jan 17 at 10. I need an aide to go with me so I had to change my appointment.
I wonder if I should try to start forgiving myself for all of my bad bipolar behavior. I think it will be extremely difficult It is really embarrassing and at times so f^&king destructive...extremely so. I made myself suffer a lot because of it.
I don't think I have the ability to do it. It is so much a part of me.
i just read this 3 Secrets To Forgiving Yourself When You Have Bipolar | bpHope.com but it didn't help. i am still spending money.

I want off of farnapt. It is affecting me cognitively. I keep on thinking that I may have missed a doctor's appt when I haven't or forgotten to take pills when I haven't. I need something to help stop my spending. I am getting terrified about that. Now I always seem to have a urge for sweet things.I just ordered another cake. I had a lot more control before..
now I want to stay up all night. I just made some coffee.

Bobby,

That's funny about how Danny would have eaten the shoes.
YES to forgiving yourself. (Actually I'm not sure what the site says.)
You did not doing anything upsetting on purpose. The bipolar takes over.


I don't think I like the idea of "forgiving." If we are out of our minds
so to speak then we did not do anything wrong.
Maybe the "forgiving" has to do with "accepting" that we were not in control(because the bipolar took control.)

How do you see the "forgiving?"


=-=-=-=-=

I've had events of being out of control. The one that I am remembering
was the fit I threw in the "waiting room" / lobby of the in-patient
hospital I checked myself into. I was so worked up about not being seen immediately that I was moving lobby furniture
around (Turned a sofa upside down by myself).

They grabbed me and gave me an injection and put me in a room by myself with the door partially open so I could be watched.
Even with the drug in my system, was yelling and kept it up for a while.

M

maybe accepting that we are out of control is better than forgiving. the events are out of our control and I know they can be repeated even though i know the rational side says it is so wrong..
now I am going off of farnapt, the side effects bother me and it isn't leveling me out. even though today I said I wouldn't go to ebay I have been there twice.. I didn't see anything I wanted..
how can you think rationally but have little control and what can you do with overwhelming emotions.
fondly
bobby with little impulse control.

you must have felt so much pain. i am so sorry

I didn't start tapering the farnapt but just stopped cold turkey. I don't know where my spill slitter is. I will look harder tomorrow. I do feel better.I don't know what he is going to give me. Today I wound up thinking a lot about my first boyfriend. When I was in eight grade I knew I was going to take him to my senior prom. I saw in my early twenties just before I left to go to Italy to marry an Italian. That didn't work out because he wanted me to marry him immediately and I didn't. I should have called steve back.I guess I screwed up again. I think he loved me.

I like the way you talk about your boyfriends.
You remember them in good ways.

I had mostly one boy that I cared about. But Dad moved us five states away when I was 16 or 17 and I only got one or two letters from the boy and that was it.

Many years later, I googled him. His name and location popped up because he
was leading a group of motorcycle guys to to change his state law so that
it would be legal to drive motorcycles without helmets.

(Apparently they wanted the right to be more easily killed on the road!?):eek:
The law was changed there and people over 21 years old are allowed to ride without helmets as long as the driver
has a sufficient amount of insurance: $10,000 in medical benefits for injuries
that result from a motorcycle crash.

=-=-=-=-=-


I hope that the farnapt taper goes well.


M

wow he sounds like a cool guy. How upsetting that move must have been! Did it take you long to get over him? I forgot how many times you were forced to move. It must have been very hard to keep on making friends.The moving must have been unstabilizing and contributing to you bipolar. When did you symptoms start to appear. Mine started early. I used to have tons of nightmares and wanted to sleep with my sister. I was afraid to put my legs all the way down the bed because I was afraid there were creatures down there. I was totally normal taking care of my father when he was drunk which was normal. I was also paranoid/ which mostly went away when I got my hammy and morgy.

i went cold turkey. dumb

Bobby,
I figured out my password. My eye is a little better. So is my hand, which seems to have gotten hurt too.

I am so sorry it happened to you!
fondly
bobby

I'm sorry you dealt with worrying about what was under the bed.
My dad drank a lot. He still drinks but not as much as he used to.


I lived in 10 or 11 places from birth to the last place I lived before moving to
college.


M

Hi, Donna,

It's good to hear from you.


I hope your hand is o.k.


M

that is so many places! what an education though. It must have been very hard to establish close relationships.
fondly
bobby

I woke up scared of life and death again. I started praying. That helped. I gained about six pounds since I have been on the farnapt.. My appetite has really increased. Now that I am off of it my balance is better. I have a digital scale and before I had to try five or six times before I got a reading. this morning it was only once.
i think i might be more in control now after stop taking farnapt.

That's good that you feel better off it.



M

I don't feel like buying anything. I hope it continues. My balance much better.

It good to hear about your balance.

Keep taking care.



M

I still haven't bought anything. I have so many tunics from my buying. They get me upset to look at. I don't have room for them
An amazon third party sent me a 40 pound bag of cat litter when I ordered four ten pound bags. After four phones I am getting a refund. In the third call I was told they would send me a box and I could ship it back,
Listening to cat stevens and praying to God for help. I am feeling so isolated and my stomach is still bothering me.

I am very irritable. Marci leaves cleaning stuff in the main room rather putting it in a closet. I got so angry this morning that I dumped it in the closet.; I think it is pure laziness. It is hard to get another aide from the agency. I tried to sleep when she was here on Tuesday to avoid her.
today I will probably get chinese food. I am so depressed that I want something to look forward to. I haven't bought any tunics lately. I hope the spending spree is over. I hate being bipolar.

Bobby,
I'm so sorry that Marci isn't doing her job correctly. I hope you talk to the agency to see if they have anyone else you can try.

I had already talked to my case worker and the agency. It is really hard to get a replacement

I have been having bad thoughts and thinking the worse

So Sorry, Bobby. I hope you can get it under control