I went through a real crisis yesterday. I had a stomach ache all day and night and felt so much anger and terror that I would run out of money. I was so angry at Marci. I was terrified that maybe death would hold more suffering than my life. I have suffered so much. Looking forward to more suffering was pure terror. I didn't even take any of my medicines except for Metformin. I finally took the rest at night. I don't even want to think what that was about.
I listened to my phone messages. One was to go out to lunch. Later Cecilia called me and told me to call her. I called her and went over with a few toys.
She said I was so angry and Marci was a nice woman and I should control my anger. She said she just had no manners. Now I decided I will offer her more clothes that I was going to give to the good will.
She said I had to stop spending. She also knew about Emmet till and she is swedish and didn't come to this country til she was around twenty. I was shocked and felt so ignorant. We watched the patriots but I couldn't concentrate. I left after half time.
I still feel like isolating and haven't checked to see if I got any more messages. I need medication.
love
bobby

Your doctors appointment can't come soon enough.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

I am going to tell him that you suggest geodon.
love
bobby

Bobby

I'm not sure I would tell him anyone suggest geodon. I would tell him
you have some friends that use geodon and it works well for them.
So because you like to read up on things. You have been reading on
how its supposed to work, and you think it might work for you.

Most doctors don't like it when another person is giving their patients ideas of what medicines might work for them.
And honestly when it comes to the clothes and other things you were going to give to good will. If you were to give them to Marci instead, or even part of them. At least in my area of the states Good will charges lots of money for the things that we give them. And then when someone that needs things comes in they don't usually just give it too them.

So its going to be according to how she is going to use those things. So like if she has other family that she were going to be able to share these things you give her with. Then you would be helping more than just her.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

that is interesting. Maybe I should just ask for an antipsychotic that doesn't cause weight gain. I will tell him about my anger, irritability, overspending overeating and trouble sleeping.
I have heard of people who have gotten good buys from good will here. I am upset that I feel Marci is taking advantage of my generosity and I am making it too easy for her. She is taking advantage of my mental illness. I don't know how to cope with that.
fondly
bobby

marci my aid thanked me three times today and found the tea. I will give her a christmas present. I think I should think all the brave firefighters in California rather than thinking just of the fires. they are such heroes. I have to stop focusing on Trump. I have to start getting away from negativity. I am frightened of God. I don't know what is happening,

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I think it is fine to say that you have heard about geodon and wondered what he thought about it.
Do you take metformin?
I have heard it can help with weight loss.
It is a medication for diabetes.
I am sorry you worry.
((((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

yes I take it but it has never caused weight loss for me.
love
bobby
how are your nails?

My hang nails/cuticles are healing.
8 fingers are great, left thumb is almost healed and the right thumb is not so good....but at least in such a state that I don't need to wear bandaides.
thanks for asking! love you

sorry about your right thumb but great that the others are healing
love
bobby

I really have come down. I haven't bought anything. I am so depressed. I really hate being bipolar 2. I am trying an essential oil besides my antidepressant and that isn't working either.
just bought another book and an under a dollar cat laser. while I was doing it my depression stopped

Bobby

I agree with Bizi, just stating you heard that geodon is good. There
is nothing wrong with that.

I also think buying some cheap toys is fine. Maybe that way you
can then play with the kitties with them. Or give them to the dogs.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

for the second time since I have had her Pudge played with another toy for a little while.
fondly
bobby

Good, she has decided she wants to play.

its interesting what they will do. Its also possible that she has
figured out that you need cheered up and is working on it.

So keep working with her, and Abby on this.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

It is cute that you got pudge to play with another toy.


Geodon is weight neutral.


what are you eating these days?
bizi

I had some lamb and eggs and soup. I goofed. I ordered a chocolate layered cake which I will get tomorrow morning. I also have popcorn. Right now I have a stomach ache. Is it true that geodon helps with depression too?
love
bobby

marci told me I was lazy. I got upset because I knew that is what she always thinks.She doesn't work hard and maybe works two 1/2 hours instead of the four. Later on I said It isn't laziness but depression. Then later something funny happened. I always take baths and make certain that I am not dirty. I also wash my hair every time with a lot shampoo. Later on Marci commented how clean I made the bathtub! She didn't realize I don't clean it but taking the bath with a lot of shampoo keeps it very clean. I didn't tell her!
Today I had my first class with the guy who is so up and interesting. It was great. For a while I got out of my depression.

What/where was the class and who is this guy?
Tell us about it.
thanks
bizi glad that it distracted you.
I can't believe marci ....:(

Bobby

Maybe you should just plan an outing with the other 1 1/2 hours
that Marci is being lazy. Since you honestly need to get out
in some of the time. Even if its just to take a walk. Just tell
her that you need to get out and since you can't go by yourself.

Your going to have her go with you. Make it so that she is
doing things for you during that time. Is there a coffee or
something shop close enough you could walk. WIsh there was.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

the class was on the Torah and I have taken classes with this teacher for about four years. He is so enthusiastic.
when marci leaves we hug and kiss on the cheek and say I love you. I guess she will always think I am lazy.
love
bobby

there is a little coffee shop a block and half a way but then I would have to pay for her coffee which is a few dollars.
fondly
bobby

I have been reading up on people's experience with geodon. There are a lot of negative reports but then some really positive ones. I will just tell the psychiatrist about my symptoms and see what he suggests. Pudge slept right next to me last night.It was so comforting! I slept a lot. tried to watch the world series but was out.
One of the laxatives worked. I was so frightened that I wasn't going to be able to go. Maybe my mania is getting better. I spoke with a friend who is suffering because of her adult children and their worry about money.Two are really high spenders and her ex husband who just died really f@#ked up and now the adults might not get anything.I think they were counting on millions. I think one talks about suicide and another has heart stents and aspbergers(sp) and her sister who is poor drives her crazy. I listened and tried to be supportive and just told her I try to sleep and listen to music to fight my depression. When I called her back things had even gotten worse.
can't wait to see what the doctor prescribes.
I put some jasmine essential oil on my pillow. I think it helped me sleep.
Jasmine Oil Uses & Benefits, Including for Stress & Mood - Dr. Axe
I think it also gave me a sense of well being when I woke up.
I will tell the doctor and maybe I don't need an antipsychotic (sp) but experiment more with essential oils..

Bobby

Honestly if you can listen and not get really upset with the things this
friend is telling you. Your doing great. Because its really a rough
situation for her. And she really needs someone to talk to. I honestly
can see that for her. Because I've been there. And I try not to
have to talk to others about it. Because of being afraid they will be
down about it too. So you are doing a great service to your friend.

And she knows she can trust you. To listen. Please if you haven't been
to the psychiatrist don't say you might not need the new medicine
just let him decide. I like the fact you are getting lots of good results
from the essential oils but I hate the fact you have so much problems
at times.

So just let him decide. ANd remember all drugs have the problems, and good results. We need to try them for ourselves and see how we react.
In my case if I hadn't tried topamax, because of the things I've heard and that Derrick experienced when he did. I wouldn't have lost some weight
and I wouldn't have some control over my migraines, (knock on wood)

This is big for me. And there are a couple other medicines I have taken
that I loved that I don't anymore that had side effects if I'd listened to
what other people side I'd of never tried. And I'd be more miserable
than I am now. One being cymbalta. The reason I went off and am
still off are no insurance, and my breast cancer, an medicine I was
on made it impossible to go back on.

DOnna :grouphug::hug:

thanks so much. I told my pdoc everything and he thought I needed an antipsychotic. He gave me samples but he didn't write down the name. I just called his office and asked for the name.
I think two of my friends are going to buy jasmine essential oil.
My friend called this morning and mentioned unwillingly that her younger adult daughter did try to kill herself. She spent most of the time talking about her billionaire friend and his life style.H has an apartment on park avenue for instance and only uses it when he has doctor's appointments in nyc. He places all over Turkey Her younger daughter wants to sue her older daughter because the father gave her 500,000 dollars for an apartment and then another 500,000
besides an apartment in germany worth about 1 million dollars. He did buy the younger daughter an apartment in manhattan..

I just took another of the new pills. He told me to take one at night first. I already bought two books this morning so decided to take two pills a day. I am embarrassed but I will call his office and once again ask for the name of the medication. I have a strong feeling it isn't going to help. rats

fanapt
 

It says you can’t drink. They use it for schizophrenia. It warns of weight gain and I told him I can’t afford weight gain. I am prediabetic. His secretary is going to call me back. I probably also need approval from my insurance company because it is over 400 a month.
she just called me back and side it doesn't have significant weight gain or tardia dyskinesia.(sp)

The lowest GoodRx price for the most common version of Fanapt is around $521.04, 41% off the average retail price of $894.60.

Maybe you can call back and tell them you can't afford the new med and then suggest geodon?
(((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

i did mention geodon to him and said I read mixed reviews. I am not worried about the expense of these drugs since if the insurance company approves it, Epic the ny state senior citizen drug discount program only makes me pay 20 dollars for three months.
love
bobby
i get this drug This medicine is only for patients whose cholesterol is not controlled by diet and statin therapy. The lowest GoodRx price for the most common version of Praluent is around $460.75, 62% off the average retail price of $1,221.91.
i pay only 20 for three months.
BUPROPION is used to treat depression. The lowest GoodRx price for the most common version of Aplenzin is around $4,036.10, 18% off the average retail price of $4,929.45. i pay 20
trulance As low as $421.77 again 20 for three months
fanapt
Estimated Retail Price
$905.00
GoodRx Coupon Price
$521.04
Your Savings (42%)
$383.96

Bobby

You also need to realize this drug is probably going to take more than
one day to work. So give it a little while to work too.

Most drugs take at least two weeks.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

you are so right and it said it could take two weeks to start working:-(
at least he agreed for me to take them twice a day!
I talked to my best friend yesterday. Her cancer has spread from her breast to her lungs and lymph nodes. I tried so hard to be positive. She found a wonderful teacher who knows so much about alternative medicine. Yesterday she sounded up! It was so nice to hear that. She had spontaenously thought of parasites. He mentioned them.
I emailed my friend and told her and wrote her a lengthy letter and she responded with a lengthy letter about her losses.
she called me up before 11 and asked if I wanted to go to a Korean restaurant and that she would pick me up and take me home. It was great. She wouldn't allow me to pay. I had also surprised her by giving her a little bottle of jasmine oil. We talked about her children and possible good news and I asked her about her mother and father. I tend to be a good listener.
I don't want to write Alice and make her worry more. She is going through a hard time now with a lot of responsibility.

i just bid on two tops and bought another. no control yet

Sounds like meaningful conversations.....I am glad that you are a good listener.
I hope you have a nice weekend.
love you
bizi

thank you. I seem to be jumpy. I hope it is not a side effect of the new medication, EVERT CONVERSATION I HAVE WITH SURI IS MEANINGFUL. even before the cancers the conversations were always deep and meaningful. She really brings me closer to God. I hope a miracle happens.
love
bobby
ps ny marathon on sunday, it passes by my building. It is really noisy,

I am so angry and irritable and still buying.

HI, Bobby,


I was successfully on BUPROPION for a number of years.


Has that been added by your pdoc?




M

aplenzin is what has been added.It is in the same family but very expensive. but I pay 20 dollars for three months. right now that isn't working. I too have been isolating myself and am afraid to deal with anyone. I have so much anger.
Five minutes ago I decided I am going to drink 1/2 bottle of white wine. At this point I don't care if I become an alcoholic like my father was. I can't take the pain.
fondly
bobby

APLENZIN is the only branded high-dose bupropion available in a single tablet with no generic substitute.1
3 dosage strengths offering simple:

Dose titration
Transition from another bupropion

just drank a bottle of white wine and feeling no pain. ordered more. hi dad

my friend just wrote me and said she was going to go home and get drunk on sherry. I wrote back that I was so happy because I thought I lost her as a friend for my being so weak. My other friend robert wrote me and said he understood for wanting isolation. i told him the new medication wasn't for depression.

Bobby

I hope things start looking up. Keep working on things.

Donan :hug::grouphug:

Hi bobby, glad that you heard from your friends. Nice to have friends.
A whole bottle of wine can go down quickly and make you sick quickly too.
I am sorry you are having all of this pain.
I wish you did not suffer.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi