is this enough to get through tonight?

Just wondering how you are doing today?
May you be able to rest....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Dear Bobby,

One good thing is that hubby and I are not doing Thanksgiving at all. I am so happy. We/I still have the option of going to a friend's house. But I think that I want to stay home and sleep.

I started going gray in my 20s and started coloring it then. A friend and I used to do each other's hair for a while but we don't see each other often enough and she'd rather do her own. And I am too klutzy to do it myself. I rather like going to the mall to have it done and the people at the shop are good to me and leave me alone - I bring a book or close my eyes to nap. And I don't have to sit and make idle chit chat.

The guy who does my hair has a fascintating life store that he told me one time. When he was very young, he and his family were displaced persons from Europe after WW II and ended up in a refugee camp in N. Africa. His family was sent to South America where he grew up. So he speaks Spanish with the other people in the shop but his name is Eastern European -- And his country of origin is the same as some members of my own extended family. I feel comfortable with him.

The thing is that the parking lot at the mall this time of year is crowded.

You are right that I need to remind myself that things always work out. Because they do.

My tdoc reminds me that my intentions are powerful.
She thinks that it works to want the right for myself -- donno if that made sense. I think that you worded it better.

Mari

Dear David,
My life is chaotic with stuff and things to do. I constantly try to simplify. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes not.

This starts with my not sleeping at night and trying to catch sleep in the day. Things go off the rails from there. I'm in a topsy turvey word.

Hubby is steady and scheduled and organized. So that helps. But I'm feeling overwhelmed by all of his junk. (My stuff is not junk of course.) We have too much crap in our place. And I wish that I had cleared floors and table tops . . .

My office at work is clean. When it starts getting messy I start putting stuff in the trash. It feels good. I should use the same method at home.

Hubby does most/all of the house cleaning but he is not as fussy as I am. I'd love to hire someone once in a while. He says no because he can do it himself.

We've only been married 2 1/2 years and are still evolving our roles in the the bill paying thing. We had first marriages that were not so good in terms of how the money was handled so we are both wary. Right now we have a system that will be modified again because obviously it is not working well.

I don't know how to handle the clutter thing. The only time I ever feel like cleaning is 3:00 in the morning. I feel like I should try to go to bed instead of waking my self up. But maybe one night I'll go nuts and start throwing out crap or putting it on shelves and say the heck with sleep anyway.

Mari

Dear Nikko,

Yes, I am on my way to getting my hair done.

It was nice of my colleages to invite to see the play today. They are guys and they normally drink when they get together -- and I don't drink.
So it is nice that one of them thought to invite me to a day time activity. And one is bringing his wife.


You know the real reason I said no?
If I spent the afternoon with them I would end up outing myself. When I am depressed I act manicky -- can't explain. So if I were with them for a few hours the cat would be out of the bag and they would know that I am nuts.
Right now they suspect but they don't know for sure. I am going to keep it that way.

The pdocs and the tdocs have worked for many years on the sleep thing. I eventually stopped talking to them about it. But I did call my accupunturist about my recent sleep freak out. She called me back at 11:00 pm last night -- she knew I was up. lol.
Anyway, she'll get back to me this weekend.

Hubby gets more stressed out about bills than I do -- even though he is better at it.
Plus he has some controlling tendencies and I don't want to be in a possition where I have to explain my expenditures to him and truthfully, he doesn't want that either. So we have a stupid bill system for now.

Mari

Dear Bizi,

Safari is acting weird today. I just typed something and then lost it.

Yes. I used to have a much worse time of it. Going to bed sometimes included halluciations and other scary stuff.
The current tdoc and accunpunture person are helping me and we have made much progress. But I had a set back on Wed night/Thurs morn.

Maybe I can move to automatic bill pay. I'll do that when I am up to it -- it takes a lot for me to focus so maybe I have to wait until Christmas break.


Dear Curious,

Did you say that you lost your home last year? So sorry to hear about that. And happy that you have a place now. That is a scary thing to go through and I don't know if I could get over it. I think that is why even moving stresses me out. Being between places doesn't feel right.

You and Waves are right that I could do semi-permanent color and even if I messed it up I could not do too much damage. I will keep that in mind.

Thank you.

Mari

Dear Waves,

I'm ok at the hair place. I can enter it without going through the mall. I worry about parking. Once I get inside the people are nice to me and leave me alone.

I have no idea what my natural hair color is since I have colored it for 20 years! Years ago I had a medium dark brown I think. Now I think I have more gray than brown. I color it every five weeks or so. And because my hair is thin I keep it short and that needs a regualr cut. I have crappy clothes, shoes, purse. But my hair looks good.

Grocery stores freak me out more than malls. And I can't say exactly why. I think in a mall people are naturally wondering around but in a grocery store are focused and trying to get what they want and leave.
And yet, I am also more impatient in a grocery store. I expect people to move a long and stay out of my way.

Your hair sounds beautiful. Is it long?
Since I was born I had thin hair, so it has always been short.

My mom gives me slack about everything and never gives input, even when asked, EXCEPT ABOUT HAIR. Weird. She says I should keep my hair natural, what ever that means. And only god knows what that means to her since she speaks in code anyway.
She doesn't have much gray in her hair and for some reason you kind of have to be looking for it to notice it. When she was younger she was a red head. That is still her color mostly.

I'm coming to terms with my wrinkles, but did you have to remind me about the skin on my hands?

Good try, but it is gray. The roots are gray. Never heard of silver roots.

You're right, but I had a lot to do with the mess that resulted in the screaming. I had my little cd player in class. . . Two students brought their own cds as part of the assignment. . . I was putting in the cds. . . . One was scratchy.....
The class didn't like the scratchy one. I was soooooo hung over and out of it.

I was just trying to hold on. If I were on my game, the incident would not have happened. But when the yelling did, I had to stop it of course.


Maybe I'll see if I can buy some relaxing tea. That has never worked before, but I can give it a shot.
Warm is good.

Mari

Curious,

I'll take milk chocolate thank you very much.
Sometimes I like it with nuts inside, but only the kiind of nuts that are chopped up.

When I was in my 20s I used to make a fabulous fudge. I was a good cook for my 4 or 5 things that I knew how to make.

I gotta run to the mall for the hair thing.
I think I will stop at the health food store on the way home for some good chocolate.

Mari

Thanks everybody for the support.

Mari

Hi, Hope you are feeling more at ease. Did you feel better after getting your hair done? I always do.

The traffic and crowds are already starting, it's maddening for sure.

Sorry you couldn't go to the party because you feel that you would be outed.
I guess I don't know how that feels to get manic. I have had panic attacks and had to leave places. But I am BP II the depressive side.

Hope you get some sleep tonight. Are you taking anything for anxiety or sleep?

Sending calming vibes and well wishes. here's some ice cream too.

Nikko