The Celexa did bring on a manic episode when they doubled it back at the beginning of September. That's when they started thinking maybe I'm bipolar, but I had had manic episodes before this and relatively recently too, so that is not the sole cause for them, IMO.

I totally hear you that we need somebody else to tell us. That's exactly what I meant when I told Christopher I went to him because I was in despirate need of "grounding".

He told me today that he has been there before with his exes, he thinks these things are normal in some sense- even the "horror movie hallucinations" which I then explained that they are not a matter of being angry and thinking "I'm so mad at you I just want to stab you", but rather having a movie play of horrible things and not being able to make them stop! He also said he did not want to read "the bipolar handbook" (as I said one post up) because he feels he's read many books on the subject and he is Christian Scientist and prefers to not think in terms of "unwell". I can see where he is coming from because I have been studying a lot of the Christian Scientist literature. HOWEVER, I told him that I am in no way able to deal with this through prayer right now. I'm just not learned enough or lucid enough right now. And when he basically refused the book, I was very hurt because it felt like he didn't want to learn about "where I am". He then took my hand and asked me to tell him and he'd be quiet. So I did. All in all, it wasn't a bad lunch and much talked about. I don't feel nearly like I did yesterday, but I still have not called my psych. dr. As I said, I do not have one really. I know I am seeing someone but I forget whom and our first meeting is not until Wednesday afternoon for 2 1/2 hours. Without this, they would tell me to call my primary dr. for a med change, or maybe tell me to contact psych. ER. I needed that last night I guess, but I was so feeling I was "with it", I didn't even think of it. In fact, I saw a man outside with no shirt on (its cold here) - outside Meijer- and he was acting weird and it was dark and I was sure he was gonna attack me if I went out there (I was going to leave) and so I stayed inside, thinking "He's really insane. Glad I know enough to keep my clothes on!" But still, I did go out there after a couple minutes and figured if he tried anything, I'd just beat him to a pulp. I often think about attacking people for no reason.

Gotta go pick up the kids from school now. Back in a few.