Hi I'm Donna

And I've not been around today or yesterday. Or I'd have been in to say hello.

I have three son's with special needs, and I have lots of health issues
right now. I would say very strongly that without this very special
room this last year I would have gone mad.

But I also suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression thanks to my
balance and vertigo problems. And the fact that I can't do things
the way I used too.

So welcome and enjoy the room, its safe in here.

Donna

just a fast thought more later...(how abrupt) usually an antidepressant as I wrote can make a bipolar manic and I have never read about it having that effect on a borderline personality which usually occurs in young women who also exhibit self injury often times.
Bobby

love is a very powerful positive force. procrastination i think is good for bipolars because it can postpone stress. Strress is totally rotten for bipolars.
I am trying to learn to reduce as much stress as possible. Self critical is bad..it is a form of stress. Bipolars tend to be very self critical because they tend to be bright yet their moods interfere with their performance. It is so frustrating.
Bobby
ps irritability is another symptom of bipolar II

how are things going?
Bobby

Hi Thanks for asking

I just finally started on the back yard. It has got a nasty weed in it all over that can only be removed by sieving the soil because of the wide-spread roots. I have done it once before a few years ago but a neighbour did not and a year later it was all over again. This time, though, I started off with putting a plastic corrugated strip in the soil, about a foot high, so that no new roots can creep in, and I do it by patches because I can't do it all in say two weeks like last time. Totally out of shape, I am.

How are you doing today?

that sounds really clever..If i understood a post of yours, where in Europe are you?..i live in new york and have a big terrace. I used to plant a lot and now I let the weeds be my greenery lol...I have full sun light most of the day and it really gets hot in the summer and too much work to take a hose and water a lot. Two years ago i grew a ginger root and it had the most beautiful green stalk. I tried to duplicate it last year but couldn't.
Yesterday I was a kitty cat petting machine. Two of my three kitty cats laid siege to me most of the day and night. Actually Abby just jumped in my lap. Thank goodness there wasn't a fight.
I finally learned to upload pictures from my new Flip camcorder to the computer. What a great gadget. It is cheap for what it is (about 140), the size of a wallet and is easy to use.
My depression is still mild. I probably ended a relationship with one of the guys I have been seeing for over a year and a half. I am almost sixty four and very fat. Even though beggars can't be choosers ...ha...my irritability is such that I have to stay in a safe place where stress is reduced. I can't stand being irritable..another bipolar II big symptom.
Bobby

I'm in The Netherlands. Which is about half the size of New York, in square miles. LOL That is why I will not be more specific because of internet anonimity.

Simple idea for your terrace: Just a thought, though, you know whether you are up to it, I don't. It's just I have been reading along on posts and I know you are very depressed, find it really hard to do anything at all, so I wanted to tell you a few small things that might possibly be feasible. Any kind of gardening helps me, I know that.

Soak the whole thing with a weed-killer that is environmentally acceptable, that way after a few years you will be able to grow things in the soil again if you want.
After that you could reclaim it bit by bit, like I'm doing. Get a big plant pot with at least one hole in the bottom. You could even use a tub they use for mixing mortar, they also come in white these days. As long as you make a hole in it for excess water. That way, you only need to water the one thing. And once you have more pots, you could buy an extension to the hose which costs like 10 dollars and it sprinkles the lot. Tomatoes, especially small ones, are not hard to grow. Leeks too. Could come in handy with food prices soon to soar even more. That is one of my reasons to go through with it now. Putting 4 potatoes in a big thing like that will give you at least 2 kilo's per potato in the fall and all you do is water them.


I've got many animals, really. I only notice that when I talk about it to people. I have got one German Shepherd, two cats, two budgies and two ferrets. The dog and one cat are female. The dog is called Chica. I bought her off someone who breeds them for farmers. She is amazing. My cats are really sweet and affectionate, as are the ferrets. The budgies just natter a lot among themselves, I put them in the kitchen so I don't hear them so loudly. Whenever I go in there they start calling me, and also when they hear me moving around after waking up in the morning. But they do not sit on my finger, I did not train them enough when they were younger.

Yes, even a mobile phone will do the trick, at least the kind my daughter has got. She takes pictures with it then connects it to the PC and puts them on an external hard disk. I have not got a single presentable picture of myself, do you know that? Can't believe it really. Found that out when I wanted to do my profile here. I have always really had a thing about having my picture taken, even as a kid. I do have a picture of the dog with one of the cats, but only when she was like 6 months old. She is now 3 years. I might have a suitable boy for her soon, so she can have pups at least once in her life. She is more than ready for it. A friend of mine spotted one and she is establishing contact for me.

You make me laugh. You are sixty-four, very fat, you have two boy friends and you call yourself a beggar? A lot of people don't even have one. I don't.
Just not quite ready. Had a lot of things to get over for a few years.

I don't fully understand what you mean by irritability. On this site people use certain words that seem to be quite clear to yourselves, standing for a whole complex of things, but I don't know the "lingo". Could be an American thing. Possibly, people around here just use a different word you know.

irrittability=an irritation...somebody's anxiety in their voice, somebody's voice, somebody's breathing, somebody's comment, not being comfortable, the way somebody eats, the questions people ask, besides physical things such as fabric irritating you at times when normally it wouldn't irritate you...these can drive you to anger or maybe are from underlying anger and anxiety. During these times, a pet may have an accident and that won't phase you whereas if you spill just a drop of coffee you might go ballistic
more later
Bobby{"The first three moods here are particularly characteristic of agitated depression.

Irritability
Almost everyone becomes irritable now and then. The reasons are almost without number. A headache, a bad night's sleep, an upcoming dentist appointment, an unexpected bill - any stressor can bring it on. But when there is no apparent reason why the least little thing becomes an annoyance, and the mood persists for days or weeks, look for depression as the cause."

Thanks mymorgy! This is very helpful.

Just realized something: using this kind of label-words for a more complex thing within a board is also helpful in seeing myself more clearly. Like from some interaction with other people I came to see that seeing someone treated unfairly, especially a gentle person, I get annoyed and want to defend them. I have always known that I do that in real life but although it seems at first glance a nice quality it is not always good. As soon as I see myself doing it these days I remind myself to back off.
So this would be a "trigger" for me just like some things make other people sad or anxious. It is not good to get involved too much in this way because I have finally started learning how to defend myself. Once I start learning something, thank goodness, it goes fast. It is getting the "feel" of the thing right that is hardest. Does this make sense at all?

Dear Minymo,

You have a good group of pets!

I think that we call the budgies Parakeets here.
Do you have to cover them at night so they know to relax?

Chica is a good name for a dog.
How about the cats? Where did you get them?

I'm not so sure about the ferrets. I've seen ferrets and they are cute but weird looking too and I am not sure that I would want to see them all the time, if that makes any sense.

Mari