I really need to get over all the stress and fatigue. I have no motivation whatsoever. I do what I have to do, and that's about it.

I am not usually like this at all. Once I wake up, I cannot go back to sleep, today was 4am. My mind won't let me.

There is a day here and there, where I seem to get a spurt of energy and get things done, but those days do not come often enough.

I feel crappy, depressed and tired.

Just venting, Nikko

Awwww. {{{HUGS}}}

I make myself get up- like this morning- when I've nearly over-slept but still feel not well enough to jump around.

Some days I've woken up early like you say and perfectly awake, so I get a shower, dressed and take myself to Tim Horton's to sit and be "alone" and read the paper over a coffee.

I am just sitting at the computer, having coffee, it is now 6:45am.

I got up early, but I wasn't up late, so I shouldn't feel like I do.

I guess it's the stress of my recent situation with my husband and court and all that crap.

UGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nikko

Understandable about the stress and fatigue, and ongoing situation even if it is a waiting part again.

Please do something sweet for yourself every day. If you can catch some day naps, do so. I find that when I can't sleep due to anxiety (i sleep light and wake up after few hours), that an anxiolytic dose at night helps more than any sleeping pill. Maybe something to ask doc about?

hugs
~ waves ~

Nikko,

I also cannot seem to get motivated to do much. I think it is because we are mourning the loss of something even though our husbands were not good people. I have been falling asleep without my meds for 2 or 3 times this week and sleeping till the next day. I can never fall asleep without my meds so something is wrong with me. I know sometimes I'll get super depressed at times. I did talk myself into going for a short walk late today and that helped a great deal.

befuddled2

Just wanted to give you guys a hug....
(((((HUG)))))
bizi

I hope that you can rest and do some small thing that brings a smile to your face.

whatever you do don't be hard on yourself and don't expect things from yourself...do whatever you can to eliminate stress...
Bobby

I did push myself to get things done around the house yesterday, but I had to keep sitting down and take a break, I wasn't go go go.

I did take my dogs for a walk too, it helps for the time I am walking them. Nobody was at the pool, I guess football season is taking priority over the pool now. It was hot out too. So, I didn't go.

I don't want to be there alone anyway, too many bad memories. In fact being here across country has been bad memories, my mom so sick for a year. My two older dogs having to put down, then my little redhead due to her agression. All the moving because of my mom's illness. From a larger rental to a smaller w/my husband, then her in her own rental, then to an Assisted Living, then her back with us in the 2bd and then all of us moving back into a 3 br, and then the assault on me.

I can't sleep w/o my meds. Got up at 5am today, I wake up in sort of a mini anxiety type style.

I sit with my mom everyday and we talk, or should I say she listens, then keeps saying all the bad things about my husband over and over, and I can't handle listening to that all the time.

I am going to try and finish some things I didn't get done yesterday. I really am going to try and get into one of James Patterson's books, he is a great author and I love all his books. I am way behind on reading his latest books.

I am rambling again. Court is a week from this Friday, it should be interesting and be the final one that determines what happens to him. If he doesn't show up and decides to flee, then I will be in a real mess, not knowing where he is.

I think I should move out of State, but have to ride out the lease till April, although my DV counsler can advocate for me if I feel the need to get out of here fast, like if he is on the run. Even still, I don't want to be in the same place as he is. I know he is really upset with me, that's what they do, blame someone else, it justifys what they have done. They actually believe it my DV counsler told me and they would pass a lie detector test. The repeat behavior keeps them in the system, they just will never change.

It's like I am in court with a stranger, weird feeling.

Okay, well anyway, have a good day.

Hugs, Nikko

If you apply for disability housing you don't have to worry about breaking your lease....
I still don't think it is a good idea for you to push yourself...instead you should pamper yourself but what do I know
Bobby
http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/mfh/h...torysurvey.cfm

Dera Nikko,
Just wanted to let you know that I hear you.....
((((HUGS)))))
perhaps you could ask your mum to not talk about him anymore.....
She may needs some gentle reminders....
she has been dealing with him abusing you as well.
It has been a really really hard time (over a year) for you both!
take care
bizi