and im not trying to like, reject all your ideas, i appreciate them and all of your comments i just feel like all of this is so hard to push through alone

It's ok.
I used to sleep when I felt rotten. I still do. Sleep works and keeps me out of trouble.

I hear you.
It sounds like you need more help. Like you say.
You are doing too much all by yourself.

M.

these are mood swings....
What meds are you on again?
bizi

I was on alprazolam (xanax) but I just got a new script for valium (i dont have it yet) so currently im not taking anything.

Example: Yesterday, I was driving to Sterling to hang out with Mike. The weather was kinda crappy (rainy/cloudy) and I was talking to God (out loud while driving) and I was SO SO happy, and as I was driving the sky started to clear up and it was sunny and beautiful and I was so thankful to be alive, and I was happy to see Mike and just hang out.

This morning: I woke up feeling physically and mentally a wreck. I felt like if I left my room, I'd just be more upset, so I locked my door and stayed in bed for hours. I usually go to my friend Lizzy's house in the afternoon till late at night, and I didn't go tonight because I didn't wanna leave my house.

and it's been like this all day, just upset and depressed and thinking about everything upsetting in my life.


Its been like this for weeks.

hi meg,
so you are not taking any thing at all?
I think you need to see a psychiatrist and see if some medication can help you.
You are going thru some rollar coaster mood swings, maybe this is normal for the stress that you are under.
I don't know.
I agree the valium is a better med. last longer...
bizi

my pdoc perscribed me xanax, and then valium, i havent picked up the valium yet.

is it terrible that all i wanna do is scream/yell/cry/flip out but theres no one I want to do it at except Mike? LwkdjfhbwkjrebAHHHHHHHHHHSW U just wanna get everything out and have him ANSWER me. and I know its probably not safe/smart to keep thinking about him but I cant help it.

tonight is supposed to be our movie night as/dlkfvhajfkghfd and i kinda dont wanna go, but i do, but im mad because hes playing with my head, but i want to see him and have him hug me so bad and tell me "no sad" but how can i not be sad/mad/upset when HES THE ONE CAUSING THIS?! I dont even get it, I want to hate him so bad. I want this to be OVER. every other relationship ive been in has ended badly (with me hating the person) and thats fine with me, i dont care it makes it easier to get over (for me).

but i dont want this to end like that. I want to be around, but im so impatient and I want answers and things to go right so badly that its making this 'limbo' thing hurt SO bad. I dont get it, you have no idea how mad i get.


aksjdvgahsjhgadsvkjaws I dont even KNOW.

Dear Meg,

Do you still have some Xanax left?
Take it if your pdoc said it was ok.

I don't know what to think about Mike because I don't know him and and don't know you. It seems perhaps that you focus on him a lot. Do you have other things to focus on as well? Do you think about things that make you happy?



M.

I have nothing, the pdoc took the whole bottle of xanax, and i havent gotten the valium yet cuz i have no money for gas or my perscription.

i wish i had other things to focus on. thats why all of this is so terrible cuz i have no one to hang out with or go to or anything. the past year its been me and mike, thats it. so now im by myself and theres no one.

e;jvhwqerkvb

Dear mag,
kava kava, chamimile tea, valerian root, benadryl, these are some over the counter things to try to help with your anxiety.
of course the natural things like going for a walk warm milk, hot bath, listening to something soothing on theradio,talking to yourself, meditating, yoga, petting your fur babies,

you have the forums to hang out with.
I know that we are not in real life to give you hugs that you need.

IMO....It sounds like you are addicted to mike, kind of like a codependant relationship...it does not sound healthy.
I wish I could give you a real hug...

bizi

i am addicted to mike, and it bothers me that i am and i want to stop, but i cant. urgqeikhre hes stringing me along with hope and its making me SO MAD but when i see him it all goes away. and even when im mad/upset and i try to talk to him about it, he just turns into a wall and nothing i say effects him awkjghaergh I JUST WANT ANSWERS THAT I DESERVE earqahg re