BJ. Are you OK? I am sitting here thinking about you,and I know that you are trying to cope as well as you can,and I feel for you. I know it's a difficult,and lonely place for you right now. I'm sending "Hugs"your way. Have the grief councilors helped any? I hope that they have eased the burdens some,and that you realize new things. Brokenfriend

talk to us....
we are listening....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I haven't been back to the grief counselor yet. I couldn't stand to hear the words to get over it because I can't just shut it off. I miss my parents and my brother more than anything. I just have this empty feeling in my heart. The few hours I've slept I've been having nightmare after nightmare, seeing my brother, reliving things that have happened. I told my pdoc I'm ready for the EMDR and will see the EMDR tdoc on Monday. If I have a psychotic breakdown, it's better than living like this.

I personally don't like that New Phrase,"Get over it" either. It's a rude saying that sort of stomps on the feelings of the listener.

Did they say anything helpful?

Can you get some Pastoral counseling,from a tenderhearted Co-Pastor. I've been threw that,and now the Pastor has moved to the other side of the country. He was good to me,and helped out allot. It was from a Presbyterian Co-Pastor.

It wasn't from that inexperienced Pentecostal church where they( True Story!)hit me.

It was from Pastoral care,counseling,and prayer. He helped me allot over about 3 years,or more. This was more then 15 years ago,and It's hard to find good counseling. Brokenfriend

Dear Girlie,
Tell me about your meds.
What are you taking now?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

BJ,
You don't have to "get over it."
You do have to have people in your life.
Go back to the counselor. Ask him what he meant. Maybe you can give the counselor another chance. Explain things to him. Teach him a few things. Then give him a chance to help you.

He might end up being good. If he still stinks after two more visits or so, move on to someone else. Please make sure that you have people. You (and the rest of us) need people.

These things are too hard to do alone.

I pray that the EMDR will work for you.

Mari

I’m up to 200mg of lamictal, 40mg of Geodon twice a day and 600mg of lithium 3 times a day.

However, this week since taking the increased dose of Lamictal, I've had trouble sleeping. I fidget and/or jiggle my leg or foot when sitting and seem to be crawling out of my skin.

I just am not sleepy. Or, rather, I think that sleep, as an abstract concept, sounds really nice but I just am not sleepy. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night, and if I try to lie down for a nap during the day I can maybe fall asleep for about 10-15 minutes before the dreams start.

I also am hypersensitive. My emotions are all over the map. I feel on the edge of tears all the time, and I feel that I am just starving for positive human contact. This is a contrast to last week when all I wanted to do was hide alone in my house.

That old, "I want to go home," thought is reverberating in my head, and I know that that means I'm feeling extremely tired and sad and hurt and little.

The strange part is that I don't feel speeded up in my thoughts, speech, don't feel the pressure to talk, I’m not running around doing a bunch of stuff, I'm just not sleeping and having hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper-sensitive emotions.

I found a dead squirrel in my yard yesterday and cried for about 45 mins. I always said if I could come back as an animal I want to be a squirrel. I watch them off my family room window running up and down the trees and they always seem to have so much fun. But my stupid neighbor cut off all the bottoms and they have to climb really high to get to their nest. That’s probably how this little guy died. I didn’t know what to do with him and I was afraid the ferals I feed would eat him. I went out just as it was getting dark to shovel it into a box and something came out of the bushes and grabbed it.

It's sort of like hypomania, it's sort of like depression, and I know it's possible to have a mixed state, but this is different from anything I've experienced so far.

Do you have any klonpin or other benzo to help with the anxiety issues?
something like klonipin, xanax, valium, might help you to sleep better.
I can't rmemeber if you have tried a sleeping pill before or not, lunesta works for many folks.
sorry my memory is not all that good.
Thank you for sharing describing to us what you are feeling.
I have been on emotional rides before...ususally it is when I have been manic and am coming down from that high...
yes it sounds like you are having mixed episodes which are really hard to control.
Are you taking walks, listening to music, going to a coffee shop just riding the bus around, going to a mall to get out to be with other people.
Do you have a dog park?
getting out gives you the opportunity to talk to strangers...
I wish it was easier for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Me Bp

We are here. I am in limbo at times. But I'm always reading what you
have to say.

I wish I could reach out and hug you.

Divine hugs often have human arms -
a best friends, a mate's, a parents,

And because they are
God's personified presence

it's okay to cry in their embrace,

We need him

No one else will do.

I don't have any of those meds you asked about Bizi. My pdoc doesn't trust me, it was my fault. I was hoarding and I felt so bad and finally I broke down and told her. So now I've lost her trust, but it's my fault. I know that lack of sleep is a bipolar's worse enemy so I'm going to try really hard tonight.

I can't go to mall's any more either much. I used to love it but all the noise and people walking so fast makes me feel like I have to speed up or something. That's why I go to Barnes and Noble, it's in the court of the mall and detached so I don't feel the mall pressure.

I did take Hooper to the park for a while and we spent some time in the back yard. I just don't like how I'm feeling right now, I've never felt this way before.