so today i managed vegs and rice, and what a relief not to feel "put off" by food. later i had a slice of cheese. that's it for the day, apart from juice. tomorrow i will try for a bit more.

but two boxes of books plus indexing seems so little for one day. tomorrow i have to start something else, but what. overwhelmed. so much left. i must have THREE carloads ready this week, as it is the last saturday before hand over keys. 3 ppl (cars) will be helping. at my pace i don't know how i can make it. i need an up. and UP UP. and UPPPPP dangit!

last week i barely had a full load. i seem to do less and less and need more and more rest. help packing would be less efficient, more stressful and i know would rip me apart.

and it would take from me my last precious moments of solitude and silence.

any way to have one of those 3 ppl come over sooner to help you do some of the packing be a support for you...help focus and distract you...I would come if it weren't for that big blue ocean.....*rollseyes
bizi
edited to ask how to get the smiles graphics?

that is such a kind thought. i wish i could do that... the support would be nice but i couldn't talk and pack at the same time. i feel the need to do my own packing... my stuff. also to suck up what last space, solitude and silence, yes, silence, i have here. i am even doing my packing at night - when it is really quiet. but being alone, i don't have to worry about waking anyone.

smilies - if you do the advanced edit, you get the smiley panel. otherwise the codes for the mnemonic icons are (omitting the spaces between the colons and the keywords) -
: eek :
: cool :
: confused :
: rolleyes :
: mad :

hugs, and thank you for your support. it's the thought that counts. and it counts a lot right now.

today i woke up with my back hurting so bad.... 3-4 vertebrae acute... the rest just painful... and all the little muscles attached to them screamed... and alllll the other muscles in my back...

i had trouble figuring out how to get up. i think i rolled. took gobs of ibuprofen and lorazepam and moved to the couch mattress (very flat, board underneath). 5 hours sleep later, i felt a bit better... took En this time (longer acting) and more ibuprofen. so, for today, the back is remaining erect, horizontal or vertical. no lifting of any sort. iit is my only hope that i can recover enough for tomorrow. my body has put its foot down. or back down. whatever.

oh, Bizi, you had asked before... my feet, by the way, are doing much better, improving all along. the trauma one did feel tender (tender! not pain or swollen!) after the last load - which was all heavy stuff, a lot of books, paper, linens.

well i am slouching now, no good. better go. just my stupid update. i know this pain is nothing to what ppl suffer with plates and screws... like Nikko and other ppl I've met in these forums. sigh. So i can consider myself lucky.

hugs ~ waves ~

Waves,
I do hope you are taking an acid suppressant with all that Ibrufen.
Trust me, or else there will be another major mess.
Do you need a Rx to get drugs there?
I will get back to you in a few moments.
Love

Back again.
Pantoprazole 40 really suits me. With my history of NSAIDS, I began to have a life only after I was prescribed this particular drug.
There are many others in this catagory.
Do check.

Thanks Serengeti,

i am familiar with ibuprofen and NSAID-associated gastric disturbances. i also know ulcers can be asymptomatic so lack of pain does not imply lack of damage. I try to take it with food, esp if over 400mg. I use it exceptionally for muscle pain - this qualifies BIGGGG time.

I mostly use it for migraines (1 or 2 days) and, after over 20 years of that, i figure it won't kill me overnight. My exhaustion, weakness, anorexia, stress, grief, and what is now depression ("thoughts" and more) ... everything.... i can't take any more and i can't eliminate those things. The back PAINNNNNN I could address, so i did. And had I not, I would have been in bed, all day, and awake, in pain. As it was, I had to stay put almost all day - no use working muscles that you are trying to relax. common sense.

for the rest, when up and about, i have been exceedingly careful about erect posture. hopefully, between that, the ibuprofen, En, and Lorazepam, today, i may be able to avoid the ibuprofen tomorrow.

I do thank you for your thoughtfulness and info, and I will look into that other med you mentioned .......... later.

hugs ~ waves ~

I don't know what that pain med or is it a anti-inflammatory?

But, today my DR. said to take Prilosec along with my pain meds, it's not cheap though, but it's over the counter.

Plus any meds and stress can lead to an ucler as I was told today, so have to also take care of the tummy!!!

Feel better soon, I know that kind of pain, Neck/Back it's a killer and will stop you in your tracks. Lifting is the worse thing to do too.

Please be careful, get some help, don't pick up heavy things, you will pay later, believe me.

Take the med and get as much rest as you can. Plus ICE helps, well it does for me, some say moist heat or a heating pad, it all depends on the person.

Take care, talk to you soon, Hugs, Nikko

Dear Waves,
I htink I kwould plan on taking the advil tomorrow.
For the inflamation factors...helps decrease the swelling so it is a treatment.
Sleep well.
rest
eat
rest
eat some more.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

it was good to have your feedback. pain does alter one's ideas of what to do sometimes. in effect, kinda incidentally i did exactly what you said.

last "night" i went to bed at 4am, minias (BZD - deeper/longer sleep), En (BZD anxiolytic), 600mg ibuprofen, and ketoprofen gel applied locally. All set up for 6-8 hours QUALITY sleep ... would not the phone tech have shown up unexpectedly at 8.30. So instead of resting I was in a daze and forgot to take any meds until about 1pm today...

at which point made some expired ravioli - ate enough to bury another 600 mg ibuprofen in it. ugh. add anorexia, result: super-icko-full. lay down for 10 mins "back soother" ... passed out till 7 pm. hence pain and another 600mg with (less) food. at that point i remembered my "morning meds" great huh. oh i'm doing well.

and now ....................all i want is to lay down again. So i am having some coffee and hoping to pack a little first. Logic for you there.

maybe better to listen to the body and follow its instructions - to rest - instead of the world-driven ones. stop the world i want to get off.

sigh. moodwise ... bad. i just don't want to exist. what can i say. i will just pretend until i can't pretend. i am sick of being sick and being seen as sick and treated with estrangement or pity. if i get sicker pretending, maybe finally this will be it. i see pdoc in 2 days but i don't feel he "hears" me lately, like we are not aligned. i have tried to talk to a couple other friends and still don't feel "heard." Not available, not listening, or just unable to hear.

speaking of talking/issues i've been meaning to ask you for an article you once posted... when i get up the courage... but if you guess which... please don't post it...

hugs ~ waves ~

~