Tritone,
I guess what I am saying is that I (most of us) run into people who stink.

Most of the time, I (we) can get away from them or stay way. And I can put them out of my mind.
This is how we survive.

But the hospital setting infused him with power over you and over his staff that also mistreated you.

As I have written before, I studied classical piano seriously for eight years. I spent many hours a day at my parents' upright through out my teen years. I studied under the best teachers available to me within commuting distance from my small town.
I had started alto sax in middle school and went to college intending to study both instruments.
I had very good technique but no ear. And worse, I didn't know what I lacked until I had already invested every minute of my teenage years on music.

I know a bit about the talent and the work involved in being able to improvise. Even today, decades after dropping out, I wish I could do what you can do.

You have a gift.
If that man could not recognize it, then he is lost to the world and his calling you that word is only one part of his lack as a human being.

And he may not have been put into your life.
Maybe you were put into his for him to have an opportunity to function for a moment or two as a complete human being.
It appears that he missed his opportunity.

Anyone can be a magnanimous psychiatrist with the run of the mill patients. He was given an opportunity to heal someone whose illness manifested outside his normal purview. He refused that opportunity.


I'm really not trying to talk you out of your feelings. I am agreeing that you experienced some major crumminess in that hospital and I am sorry about that.


Mari

I'm sorry that you went through a experience like that. That doctor sounds like a nightmare. What awful head trips. It will take therapy to recover from that stigma. I'm sorry that you had such a bad doctor,and this doctor sounds about as bad as they can get.

Picture a division between you and that faulty diagnosis,and division that cannot be penetrated. Don't let that shake you. These people are human,and some of them make bad mistakes,and use poor judgement.

It will probably take awhile to get over it. Talk to your personal doctor more about this,until you feel better over time. BF

I hadn't looked at it quite that way before. I've just been very angry. Thanks.

I don't feel you are trying to talk me out of my feelings - just take a more complete look at it...

One of the things my own pdoc said to me was if this guy had such a hard time, or had such strong personal feelings about me, then he should have recused himself from my case. My pdoc then cited his own personal feelings about working with anorexics which bothers him at some personal level... So he just doesn't treat them...