A couple reassuring things happened this week and I am really happy about them. I also kind of feel like the PDoc and I are finally having more of a rapport, although it has taken five years to get to!

So I was there this evening and I was telling him about some certain things. He said that hospitalization was obviously very traumatic for me. I was talking to him about this constant need I have for reassurance from people... and that I knew that was a symptom of borderline personality disorder... So then he said, "Oh, have you downgraded yourself from Sociopathic to Borderline...?" it was very funny the way he said it... Then he said "I don't think you are either..." I said something about a label and he said it didn't stick.

So I was talking about all this stuff, the reassurance and insomnia and some other stuff I do that gets me into trouble in relationships... He said it was all about anxiety... And then he started putting it into an obsessive compulsive reference. It might sound weird to say that was "reassuring", but it was.

Then yesterday I talked about my hospital experience for the very first time in my men's group... I had avoided it for months. Too personal, too painful... and I also didn't want anyone hearing about it and then getting any ideas of using that label against me.

The woman who is in charge of the group is really fantastic. She was there and two other clinicians were sitting in. I told my story and you could have heard a pin drop. They were really horrified...

After the group, the woman asked me how I was coping with that - and that there must be some kind of action I could take... I guess in terms of reporting his conduct. I said no, I hadn't thought of doing anything like that. She told me that I was not what he said, and that the people close to me know that and I should just keep telling myself that...

So I felt pretty encouraged over the past few days...