Dear Waves,
If you don't mind continuing to check in, keep doing it.
I like hearing from you.
M.

Hi everyone
 

just checking in to say i'm ok. no need to worry.

i don't have a lot to say right now. i am a big blend of anger and sadness and sometimes just floating in numbness... i watched a funny movie and did not manage to laugh much. a cute scene managed to trigger me right at the end too. go figure.

pdoc tomorrow. with the labile moods not sure the AD is a good idea, even though certainly pain is the biggest emotion. i am not sure that an AD would affect pain... that is really what is consistent, and i believe depression but also other emotions are caused by it. :( but adding an AD there is risk of a mixed mood despite being on the stabilizer (i mentioned the stabilizer for those who might worry about me taking an AD by itself; my stabilizer is depakote which in fact does not have anti-depressant effects of its own).

oh about my meds. i had been on zoloft until about february. i had tapered down since december and finally stopped, all due to activation symptoms, and there was no need for the AD - no depression. there was not a clear cut re-emergence of depression after it. the grieving issues having come up around this time of year are likely separate, but do not preclude a possible withdrawal from the AD, or simply a bipolar depressive cycle. i would have expected any withdrawal sooner, but sometimes there is latency. it seems more likely the current moods are consequence of the grief issues which are recurrent and complex.

tomorrow i will talk to my pdoc about the meds again (i would want wellbutrin not zoloft this time - to give the brain a break on the pharmacological mechanisms of SSRIs). i will also suggest we suspend our current topic to help me make some headway or get some direction on this grieving process which has been for years neglected. plus also if he can refer me to any specific group. i would not know where to start looking, and left to my own, i do not feel i am up to it... i will tell him that too and ask if he might look into it for me. then, of course, if i do end up having ideas where to look, and doing so, two efforts are better than none.

well i said more than i thought i could.

thank you all for being here, for your kind words, and for your input.

please forgive me for not replying to the other threads tonight... or at least right now. i have been "trying" to reply all day. i have been reading... am updated on the threads so... i will leave you all a

:grouphug: for now...

i hope that is ok.

it is after midnight. i am going to have some tea, my meds, play some eye-zoner games and try to sleep.

~ waves ~

Good luck tomorrow Waves. :hug: I hope she's able to come up with some answers, some direction. I haven't forgotten about you, I just can't seem to find it right now. :(

thanks and don't rush yourself
 

Thanks. I imagine tomorrow will just be cracking the egg. It had only started to dawn on me what was happening last time.

As for the thing you are looking for... no rush... don't worry. Whenever you find it will be soon enough. I have a bunch of things i need to look for and don't have anywhere near the energy/focus. Heck if i had friends here, i could make an easter egg hunt out of it and have everybody else do the hunting... there's enough "buried" stuff i need to find, you wouldn't believe.... :o and i don't even mean psychologically :rolleyes: although now... THAT would be some easter egg hunt, huh?

~ waves ~

Good luck tomorrow waves.
((((HUGS))))
beth

Hi, Waves,

It is Thursday for you now.
Oh uh it is Thursday here too.
I hope that you feel productive in your pdoc meeting.
Mostly I hope you feel better.

I understand how hard it is for you to write when you don't feel well, so I appreciate when you do.
(No pressure. I'm just trying to say thank you.) :Heart:
M.

I'm off 5 days after today Waves and I'll hunt it down. I hope today you've been able to crack that egg at least a little bit. It's hard work, I know, but I know you can do it. :hug:

Waves,

Let us know how you are doing today after your appt.

Hugs to you.

barbara

feeling yucky
 

hi folks

session went ok.

as usual had a beer before. but then had 2 more after - ugh, too much. not drunk but i have mild headache of the kind that likes to turn into migraine (alcohol sometimes triggers them). my legs hurt. alcohol just doesn't seem to agree with my body any more, even just 1ce a week. and not like even 3 beers is a huge amount. i guess i need to just stay away from it. :o

so ok i am feeling yucky. but as for the session:

got the important stuff on the table, as far as reassessment of psychological/situational v.s. purely chemical status, and setting up for dealing with this thing - therapywise i mean here. we ran out of time and into overtime, at which point pdoc gave me a script for wellbutrin so i can get it right away without having to chase him down should things precipitate. he knows i know the med and the interactions with my current other meds. i have had it before so it is not a new med to me. so he trusts me to manage it in case of activation symptoms, plus i always call to advise of any issues or if i have doubts. i am going to try to do without but at least it's there if i need it.

i will post more another time right now i am really toast.

~ waves ~

Waves,

Sounds like your doc is a good one. I had a couple of beers tonight myself. Three is my limit.

barbara