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05-13-2007, 07:16 AM
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I'm really afraid of who's going to die next,because I have 3 little brothers that have drug problems,and they only worsened after my Dad died,and I understood why they got worse,because they were raised just like me,not knowing how to deal with loss! So they self medicate with drugs.Because of the way I was treated by my Mom and most of the rest of my family including other relatives when I seeked help,and was diagnosed Bi-polar/Schizo-affective disorder.That sent a message to the rest of my family that it was a bad thing to get help,and that they would be judged and shunned just like me.So they don't dare,instead they do drugs to drown out the pain,and any other symptoms they may have.My Dad told me,while he was still working as a Psychologist Ph.D that my Mom was Bi-Polar,and she refused to get help,or be medicated,that she was in denial.I have a hard time believing that out of 11 kids that I'm the only one that has a mental illness.Both of my illnesses are hereditary! But the youngest are twins,and now they are 26 years old,but both are drug addicts,one is addicted to heroine,and pain pills,and the other just pain pills,and he drinks a lot with the pills. The other little brother is 28 years old,and is in and out of jail for methamphetamines,using and selling it,and he's an addict,plus he's hooked on pills too,and he drinks.And everytime the cops try to stop him in a car he gets in a high speed chase! I try to talk to them,and be there for them,and never judge them.But I'm really afraid that one of them are gonna be next.I have other older brother that are extremely overweight and diabetic,and they are in poor health because of the mixture of the excessive weight and the diabetes. I'd rather my Mom go next,that may sound bad,but she is pure evil! I believe that if my Mom was gone,my brothers just might look for help,and not be so afraid to reach out,before it's too late!
 But they come to me,when they need to talk,cause they know that I'm the only one that understands and won't judge them,or tell my Mom on them! Now thats sad for them to have to live that way!And I don't want to lose them,but my Mom is going to end up causing there death by her judging and beliefs that getting help is bad!
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I'm afraid of who's next.................
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