ok I am overcoming 47 years of fear and now that I am able to deal with this I can't go back to my old ways ,if I could I would , I had a small filling done , and what he did was grind off a flat spot of the tooth and did not reshape it and this bugs me , I am about to have a crown done or a 3/4 onlay ( I also feel this is up to me if it should be a full crown or an onlay not his choice but mine) anyway this small filling has me questioning his skills , if he takes the easy way out with this small filling how on earth can I trust him with a more complex job ( I need to have total trust , not just blind faith ) now I told him if i need a root canal i will have the tooth extracted by the oral surgeon and his assistant looked at me and said a root canal is not that bad , i looked at her and said , listen , it is not an option and it's not going to happen , so anyway i am going in on the 19th to have a small surface stain removed and i am going to have a long talk with him about what i feel , i have never ever been one to hold back what is on my mind , if i offend him so be it , it's my mouth and it's my money , hard earned i might add , also i am telling him if during the work he finds i need a root canal to stop all work and i will have it removed , i have told friends my feelings and about the talk i am going to have with him and there reaction is , you can't talk to a dentist that way ,, i say that is bull , you question your auto repair guy and tv repair man , so where is it written you don't question a dentist on his skills , am i wrong here or just a total nut job ,, well i am a nut job but that's beside the fact ,,, but to just do what a dentist says and not question him on every aspect of this goes against my grain

Scared gal,

You have every right to be your own advocate. You have every right to ask questions. Over coming your fear of the dentist and feeling empowered is truly positive and of course you will hopefully continue to feel this way. However, it sounds like you become easily defensive and accusational when you are confronted with something you are unsure about. This type of attitude can have a boomerang affect because it is sure to put the accused on the defensive.

You state how respectfully and kind this dentist has treated you. But you want to tell him off for the dental care that he has provided when you have little to no knowledge about dentistry. There may be an anatomical reason why that new filling is flat and it may have to do with your bite. He can only shape a filling according to what that filling is biting against or you could end up with a severe toothache if the filling does not fit in with your existing bite. Why not just ask him nicely?

Regarding "your choice" of doing an onlay or a crown. How can you possibly decide which of those things is in your best interest when you do not even know why one would be done instead of the other? An onlay can only be placed on a tooth that has substantial healthy tooth structure remaining to hold the onlay or the area of the tooth that is not covered by the onlay will fracture off. A crown is necessary when there is not enough tooth structure to hold an onlay. There are other reasons why one restoration would be suggested over the other which your dentist would be able to explain to you if you asked him.

I will tell you from my lengthy professional experience in the dental field..... most of us will go out of our way to be kind, respectful and compassionate with ALL patients and often extend ourselves a bit further for those who are frightened. However, that does not open the door for the patient to treat us aggressively or disrespectfully in return. None of us take well to patients who behave that way as it becomes too draining to deal with that patient. Certainly you can understand how important it is to have a mutual respect between the doctor and the patient in moving forward with your care.

I respectfully offer you this information with hope that you can continue to over come your fears and move forward in a positive manner.

I wish you all the best.
Bryanna

oh , I think what I wrote came across wrong , I am in no way going to tell him off , sometimes what I write down is not what is in my mind , my chat with him will be very diplomatic and I will be sure to talk with him in a way that will in no way offend him , after all it is because of him I am sitting in a dentist chair , who would have thunk , if a month ago you would have told me to see a dentist I would have said , go to Las Vegas and place a wager that Pigs Would fly before I would go to a dentist , because the odds would have been pigs would fly !!! , but I do have concerns about this crown and possibly 2 other crowns , I have to look at long term , being 60 years old ,, in 10 years if I need to replace a crown or two will I have the money to do this , maybe I will , maybe I wont , I have to think about this and I know a dentist is all about saving a tooth , but at what cost , he can make a heroic effort in saving the tooth but to only have it last 5 years , that I can not afford , so there are a lot of factors I have to go over with him , a missing tooth or two or three , at my age I am not worried about bone loss , I have to be realistic , I have at best 20 good years left , or it could be 10 years , if I was 40 or even 50 years old I would think differently , but time sure flys mega fast and I will be facing this issue all to soon , and to me a good dentist would say , ok I can save it , but is it worth it in the long run , now if a dentist said that to me , that would be the dentist I would trust

another reason to question his skills to me is very simple , example , I have vintage guitars , now I take a guitar in for a small touch up repair to a very qualified luthier and the repair is not to my liking , maybe he didn't care because it was a small repair , or he figured I would not notice , now I decide to have the guitar totally restored , at this point how can I trust his skills , to me its the same thing , if not even more important seeing how it involves my body , just saying

you have every right to question anything the dentist does. If you do not get satisfaction with the answer, leave and find another dentist. My dentist is so thoughtful and sincere talking to me, I wish I could send her to you. That is what you want scared gal, someone who will address all your issues and your fears. I sure hope it works out for you too. ginnie

I had what I thought was a GREAT dentist. Skipping directly to my nightmare, my dentist (general dentist, not oral surgeron) pulled ALL my teeth and put in "immediate" dentures. I was not to remove them for any reason for 3 days and then return. I followed instructions and was in a lot of pain which I contributed to swelling. I was unable to even drink a swallow of water with the dentures. Eating was an impossibility. After months of complaining, he made me a new set of dentures. They caused extreme pain the instant I placed them in my mouth. Again, I complained, and was told to "buck up" in so many words. I could not believe that people that wore dentures were suffering like me. He made a third set of dentures, which were worse than the first two sets, all of which I had to pay for each time at a total cost of over $14,000 out of my pocket. After 18 months of having no teeth, I went to a specialist. She made me a set of dentures that have been fantastic, never a moment of pain. YES, you should question skill levels. Second and third opinions are just as needed in dentistry as in medical care. It was a VERY costly lesson for me. I also paid my NEW dentist almost $5000 for my new chops so having teeth cost me nearly $20 grand in total. To this day, I want to go back and tell my former dentist off but have not. The day may still come when I do as I have never gotten over it and it has been 9 years. (I did not mention the $25 grand I spent on oral surgery that failed 10 years prior to the decision to have all my teeth removed.)

Get a second opinion, and maybe a third. Dentisty is VERY expensive so you want to be sure you make the BEST decision, not just the decision of one dentist. Keep in mind, once a tooth is gone, it is gone forever.

seems my fears come and go , this morning I was very excited about getting the crown done , then a few hours later panic sets in , anyway tomorrow I will have a friendly chat with my dentist , in case this turns into needing a root canal I made an appointment with the oral surgeon to have it removed and if that's the case it will be 10 days , tooth be told , if I could go back to my 47 year ways of burying any thought of the dentist I would in a New York minute I really am having a hard time seeing how this is all worth it , the stress has been beyond my wildest fears, but it sure did speed up my weight loss , this is the skinniest I have been in 30 years , I was on a diet anyway , but this stress and fear sure took off the weight , maybe that's a new diet , call it , The Face Your Fears Diet , Worry the Weight Away , funny thing , I have tried to go back to my old self but now that the cat is out of the bag I guess I have to move forward , for better or worse funny how it is with me , it's like these teeth have turned into a project , and when I get involved in a project it's all I think about till I finish the project but never has a project given me such stress , funny thing happened today , I saw this homeless guy and I started to feel guilty , here is this poor guy suffering and I am worried over a needle and then I was fine , no fear , but that soon wore off like Novocain does

There is a new tool in the dentists pocket if they choose to buy one for their practice. On top of applying a local before the needle, there is a tiny vibrating maching that is put on the gums. It distracts you wonderfuly. Also with a bit of gas, I am doing great. Maybe Bryanna knows what this device is called. Get your project done. I let my teeth go a good 10 years, over my fears too. All will be well. ginnie

Hi ginnie,

The instrument you speak about is called DentalVibe. However, as far as
I know it is not commonly used. Perhaps it should be though!

Bryanna

I swear the dentalvibe helps! Glad to know what they are called. Are they expensive for a dentist to invest in? thanks....ginnie