[SDFencer]

What to do what to do? How do you stop from going stark raving drooling mad? I just can’t take this anymore.

1) I’m freaked over money. Living on disability doesn’t pay near what I used to make. I’m not allowed to work, so why do I try to stay current with what’s going on (new laws etc.) I’m never going to work again.

2) My wife keeps telling me we are fine but we have bills etc that prevent living the way we used to. It’s affecting my ability to go to tournaments, etc.

3) I can hardly walk any more so going out for me is a trip to the doctor, rehab, maybe fencing, an occasional social event. Every day my wife goes to work, the boys go to school, the baby to day care, my daughter and son-in-law to work.

4) Excitement for me is I get to do the laundry, clean up the crap they leave laying around. I’m good for housekeeping. I came home from the tournament in Milwaukee and there are 7 loads of laundry. They waited for me to come home to do it. I could have done my own stuff. Then I’m told we are going to a progressive dinner that night that I knew nothing about.

5) Am still insanely angry at my former employer for putting me out to pasture

6) That brings up another good point. I am so tired of being talked around. I’m sitting right there, how about asking my opinion or just making sure I heard you?

Crap, there is so much other stuff with this. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I’ve reached the point where I just don’t even want to get out of bed. Why? I would never hurt others or me but I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll go cry over things I can’t change.

[bretd]

Originally Posted by SDFencer

What to do what to do? How do you stop from going stark raving drooling mad? I just can’t take this anymore.

1) I’m freaked over money. Living on disability doesn’t pay near what I used to make. I’m not allowed to work, so why do I try to stay current with what’s going on (new laws etc.) I’m never going to work again.

2) My wife keeps telling me we are fine but we have bills etc that prevent living the way we used to. It’s affecting my ability to go to tournaments, etc.

3) I can hardly walk any more so going out for me is a trip to the doctor, rehab, maybe fencing, an occasional social event. Every day my wife goes to work, the boys go to school, the baby to day care, my daughter and son-in-law to work.

4) Excitement for me is I get to do the laundry, clean up the crap they leave laying around. I’m good for housekeeping. I came home from the tournament in Milwaukee and there are 7 loads of laundry. They waited for me to come home to do it. I could have done my own stuff. Then I’m told we are going to a progressive dinner that night that I knew nothing about.

5) Am still insanely angry at my former employer for putting me out to pasture

6) That brings up another good point. I am so tired of being talked around. I’m sitting right there, how about asking my opinion or just making sure I heard you?

Crap, there is so much other stuff with this. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I’ve reached the point where I just don’t even want to get out of bed. Why? I would never hurt others or me but I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll go cry over things I can’t change.

I can relate some what to your situation. I unjured my back in 2005 and have had 2 open back surgery's since the last one was a triple spinal fusion in 2010. I cannot work and have been fighting to get disability for 4 years. Our money situation is terrible. We just filed bankrubcy, and we will be lucky to keep our home. I cook the dinners and do laundry, really not much else. not being appreciated is a fact of life for me. They think because you dont work you can pick up after everyone, even if you cannot walk at the end of the day. I try and help our daughter and her boyfriend by watching their kids one or 2 days per week to save them money. After, I am in bed for 1 or 2 days because I hurt so bad. And I don't even get a thank you. I feel some of your pain.

[katmae]

Originally Posted by SDFencer

What to do what to do? How do you stop from going stark raving drooling mad? I just can’t take this anymore.

1) I’m freaked over money. Living on disability doesn’t pay near what I used to make. I’m not allowed to work, so why do I try to stay current with what’s going on (new laws etc.) I’m never going to work again.

2) My wife keeps telling me we are fine but we have bills etc that prevent living the way we used to. It’s affecting my ability to go to tournaments, etc.

3) I can hardly walk any more so going out for me is a trip to the doctor, rehab, maybe fencing, an occasional social event. Every day my wife goes to work, the boys go to school, the baby to day care, my daughter and son-in-law to work.

4) Excitement for me is I get to do the laundry, clean up the crap they leave laying around. I’m good for housekeeping. I came home from the tournament in Milwaukee and there are 7 loads of laundry. They waited for me to come home to do it. I could have done my own stuff. Then I’m told we are going to a progressive dinner that night that I knew nothing about.

5) Am still insanely angry at my former employer for putting me out to pasture

6) That brings up another good point. I am so tired of being talked around. I’m sitting right there, how about asking my opinion or just making sure I heard you?

Crap, there is so much other stuff with this. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I’ve reached the point where I just don’t even want to get out of bed. Why? I would never hurt others or me but I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll go cry over things I can’t change.

dear SDFencer,I know that disability dose not pay a lot, I have been on SSI for along time now,but you must beleave me that you are werth more then just doing the laundry you are a good person,father and husband,you are a good friend as well,I hope that you start to feel better soon,I really wish that there were something I could do to make you feel better

[mg neck prob]

I think you need to express yourself to your family and let them know your real feelings. Things won't change or even have the slightest chance of improving unless you speak up. Remember ---we can't control how others will re-act --were oure just in control of are own actions and staying quiet isnt getting you anywhere with your family. I think of you often and it bothers me ....because I think your bottling up your true feelings.

[SDFencer]

Well there you are. I have said something to them and nothing changes. If it weren't for my grandchildren I would have run away long ago.

[SDFencer]

I have had it. For what reason am I trying to get better. It's never going to improve. (condition)

I swear I'm just going to move away.

[mg neck prob]

Originally Posted by SDFencer

I have had it. For what reason am I trying to get better. It's never going to improve. (condition)

I swear I'm just going to move away.

SDFencer----Things will bet better ----be patient with yourself....dont take on to much just to please your family....I cant tell you a good man with a big heart you been thru so much medically how can you not suffer from depression and angrer...you wouldnt be normal if you didnt feel like that... heck I do and I havent been thru half as much( neck surgery and cancer) but it changed me as well. Just be true to you first --dont hide your feelings it makes us feel worse about ourselves. Im sorry your so down ...stress just makes things in our bodies go array!! Try to relax and let the holidays just happen without worrying about everyone.

[Leesa]

Try to get better for YOU -- not for anyone else. How others react to us is THEIR problem. If things aren't improving, and we know that WE are, it's not our problem.

You're working on yourself, but your family ISN'T. That makes it difficult. They have problems too, you know. By "problems" I mean that they are PART of the problem. They're not working on themselves. They have issues they need to take care of too -- but they're not aware of them evidently -- or are just ignoring them.

You just need to get better for YOU. Then you'll be better able to cope/deal with THEM. Hugs, Lee