Sorry to hear about this Koala. I have a close relationship with my younger sister and a good one with my brothers. But there have been times when I thought I'd like to push my oldest brother away. He's loving and all but isn't good at keeping in touch and is emotionally distant.

Jim and his brother are distant and haven't talked in almost two years. He tried after a five year break again but nothing had changed. His brother is emotionally abusive and can be violent in his drunken rages. Two xmas's ago was the last straw. Jim's mom is an enabler but we've learned to accept that and have a cordial relationship with her. Jim has said over and over that his brother is not allowed to know when Jim is sick and even put it in his medical records that I am the only one to know anything about his condition. It's sad but in this case it was necessary.

Maybe it's time for you to let yourself off the hook and know you've tried all you can. It hurts, I know it does. I've seen the look in Jim's eye and how he wishes his brother were different. It's sad but we move on.

Hugs Koala and wipe those tears. I don't know your whole story but am here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

I'm so sorry, Anne..
My former mother-in-law has a sister who sounds very similar to yours. No matter what she tries, her sister doesn't seem interested.
Curious had a good idea, just send a card and act oblivious to her recent hospitalization. Just say it was nice to talk, that you miss having your sister around,etc..If she doesn't respond to that, then you really have done all you can.

Don't beat yourself up about it, Koala..You are a dear, sweet person, and you're NOT responsible for anyone else's issues. Maybe this is just something she has to work out herself. Maybe she never will. But you are still blessed with a wonderful family and friends all over the world who care and are concerned for you. How many people can say that?

I know exactly how you feel. I cannot seem to talk with my sister. I don't understand what in the world it is. I love her,but she has grown very cold toward me,and I don't understand why. She is ill also,and I can help,but she doesn't want me around. This hurts me deeply.

Little,by Little she moves her heart away. I can feel the cold. I will never understand it. I don't deserve it. You don't deserve it. We cannot make our family love us,but they should have love for us. I can relate to what you are going through.

I wish that I had a sister like you. You are so compassionate to people who you don't know. It's your sisters loss to not have you around. Try not to think about it,because your heart is Love. It's not your fault that she rejects you. It's something in her. Keep the door open for her in your heart though,but don't let it hurt you.

Jesus also knows how it is to be rejected. He was put on a cross. He knows exactly how you feel. I'm sure he prays for us to God the Father,and he feels the pain more deeply then we do. He is close to the Broken Hearted. He never turns away.

Brokenfriend:hu g:

Thank you Curious, Sandy, Polar Express and BF. You are all so very kind.

Even though my niece (my sister's daughter) asked me to say nothing, I took the bull by the horns and phoned her today......just to say I love you. I phoned her DH who told me she was "sick' in hospital, so I asked if I could phone her and he agreed, giving me the name of the hospital she was in. I rang the hospital and was put through to her, and she sounded terrible.

When I asked how her she was, she told me she was ready to slit her own throat. In the next breath she told me her doctor was letting he home tomorrow. Why would they let her home when she's obviously not ready to face the world? I am so afraid for her!

I can't stop crying after talking to her, but my own DH has had enough. He's cross with me for letting her "get" to me one more time. He's not happy that she's made me cry all over again, and he's just not interested in hearing the reason this time..... because she's done this to me too many times before! He just won't listen, and he's very, very cross!

I just don't know what to do. Please help me.

Wow, Anne, that's a tough situation you are in.

We just can't be all things to all people. I think your DH loves you so much and is trying to protect you. He is looking out for what he believes to be your best interests. You need to trust him.

Try your best not to stress about things over which you have no control. (I know: easier said than done). It's sad and unfortunate about your sister, but don't let her illness drag you down too.

I know you have a heart as big as Australia, but for once, take care of you!

my sister (13 months younger) has always had the ability to gouge a crater in my heart.

probably because she knows me so well, and knows JUST what to say to make me shrivel up inside.

we've battled bitterly a few times in the past, and each time, I stopped communication with her, but then... it always happens... she needs me, and she IS my sister, AND I love her.

the last time she needed me was April, of two years ago.

she borrowed a substantial sum of money (ten thousand dollars) with a promise of immediate repayment (in a couple of months, as soon as her house got sold)

she was communicating ALL the time with me, and we were sisters and friends again, and it was great.

her house sold, a new one was bought, she's all moved in, and poof, nothing!

I waited for over a year, and finally (politely) asked her (last July) to find a way to start repayment.

and she totally FLIPPED OUT on me, and said some awful things to me.

somehow, suddenly, I'm the bad guy.

after that, her emails petered out, and I haven't heard from her in at ALL in many months.

despite our agreements, no money has been paid back, except for fifty dollars, last summer.

Anne, I wish wish wish WISH I could cry, but she's DONE this kind of stuff so many times (said hurtful things to me) that there's some kind of switch TURNED OFF on my waterworks, and even though I am hurt and angry, I can no longer CRY.

so, I WISH I could cry, like you, because it would mean I haven't cauterized my HEART towards her, and turned stone-cold.

I think it would be BETTER if I could cry, because that might allow the hurt and anger to HEAL.

anyway, hugs and love and all that mushy-gushy stuff to ya, Anne.

I hope you two work it out, and I'll continue to hope that me and my sister work it out as well.

I know exactly how your husband feels as I feel the same way about Jim's brother and sometimes his mother. I have learned though that this is HIS family and I have to let him make the decision to communicate or not. He refuses to speak to his brother but wants his mother in his life. I respect that and step back. But if she ever tries some bs while I am around or not around she knows she will hear about it from me. Jim knows this and respects my thoughts.

For example, the last time she was here I went off to take a nap. When I woke, she was gone. While I was asleep she hammered Jim to sign some stupid life insurance papers for her. She has a policy out on him, one she has had since he was 15 yrs old. Ok, fine. What bothered me was when Jim asked her what she would do with it should he pass away, she said "It depends on what my financial situation is." Oh, that bothered me so bad. She has a policy out on him to help her if he died?! ARGHHHH. I personally didn't care about the stupid thing thinking she would give it to the boys or donate it or something. But to boldly state she would use it for her finances hit me the wrong way. Did I mention she has only been here one time all year? We only live one hour from her. I have practically begged her to come spend time with her son.

Anyway, my point is I tolerate the situation. In time your hubby will too. Assure him that he comes first and always will and that you will never let your sister manipulate you ever again. Talk about it because in the end it is YOU who needs to feel good about your decision.

Anne

I'm so sorry your sister is making you feel so bad. It sounds like she's in desperate need of help. Is it possible that she tries to upset you to make herself feel empowered...or in control of the situation? I hate it that she keeps upsetting you but the others here have given you some good advice. Sometimes we just have to walk away from a situation in order to see it clearly. It really sounds like you've extended the olive branch more than your fair share of times. Possibly if you just stop all contact (I know...easier said than done) with her she will see that you're only going to put up with so much and that your feelings matter just as much as hers do.

I'm praying for the situation, Anne, and hope it all works out.

Ann Hospitals are like that. There needs to be a overhaul of the entire mental Hospital system,ethics,bedside manner,respect,and many things. I'm sorry for your sister,and I hope that she is going to be OK. I don't know enough about the situation. God bless you. My heart goes out to you,and her. Keep taking about your feelings. We are listening,and want to help. BF

Anne - I have three sisters. I try to cling to one of them. The other two speak to neither of us and neither of the other. They are alone. One is married (terrible problems with her children) but the other is truly alone.
I have no idea why this happens but I do understand the pain and I do understand the efforts to correct things.
I've been dealing with this pain for many years -- I'm turning 64 this week) and I know the pain of continuing to hang on.
God bless and keep you.