Although I never thought I wold enjoy not working I would enjoy just one day of going back to work, have an adrenalin rush of a code blue, a cardiac catheterization gone bad, teaching a new RN student or nurses aide just one more time. Nursing defined me, I think God knew it

Me too Doydie. How I miss that Adrenaline rush, but do you know..... I hadn't even realised how much I missed it until I read your post.

I worked in Critical Care, and was also seconded to the University teaching student nurses. They both fulfilled me in different ways, but I loved it.

Like others, I deal with each new challenge as it occurs and I do not think ahead about things that may not happen. As some-one who was diagnosed nearly 35 years ago, this attitude has worked well for me for the past 35 years, and I know it will continue to work for me for the next 35ish years (God willing).

thank you for the replies

I find my fears very disabling. The pain limits what, where and when I can do . . . the exhaustion limits how much I can do . . . but the fear gets a hold of me and starts slammin' all the doors shut!

I agree with wanting to taste that rush of stressful decision-making, meeting deadlines, and handling other people's problems that I left behind when I had to quit working. Whenever I have two decent days in a row now I get a little hope building up inside. Unfortunately it never lasts.

I relate so well to, Doydie and Ann most. Although, I worked as a charge nurse in a nursing home and only got to work in that capacity for about 9 years before MS took that from me. I also had 2 years prior to going to nursing school where I worked as a nurse's aide. A nurse was all I ever wanted to be ever since 10 years old or so.

Now, I deal will each new challenge as it comes my way and am learning to become my own best cheerleader as I think others without MS don't realize how difficult sometimes the simplest things they used to take for granted can become. I pat myself on the back pretty often these days for things that came without any difficulty once upon a time.

I try not to fear the future, but it's hard not to be proactive and be sure to prepare for what might happen. I derive a lot of strength from so many of you on this site and a few other sites. I honestly would not cope nearly as well ( although whether I cope well is definitely relative) without the ability to share our common ground. I thank you all for that so much!

The though of losing my mind - or should I say having cognitive difficulties that stop me from functioning mentally would be my greatest fear - and what I mean is, not just forgetting things sometimes, brain fog, and speaking with a bit of a slur at times - but really losing the plot and being a burden on the people I love.

Mind you, I am not keen on anything that drags me out of my comfortable state of denial.

Lyn

I was never in Nursing - I was a Special Ed. teacher, dealing with Emotionally Disturbed children, many Neurologically impaired. Now I am. Ironic, huh.

I no longer drive, am in a power chair, but my students taught me about strength and courage and dealing and going forward. I've seen children go into psychoses, schizophrenia and other bad places. Makes this at 55 not look so bad.

My fear of not being able to take care of myself. If I ever get to that point, I will have to go in a nursing home. I don't have any kids and I can't imagine any of my nieces or nephews taking care of me. I still drive but very close distances, no more than 20 miles. If the body goes and I still have my wits about me, I don't think I will be able to cope. I would still have my memories of when I could physically do things and that would make me miserable. I'm miserable now because I can't do the things I did 2 years ago.