I miss the music.

ANN

I get so tired of the questions when I go to church. Oh Joyce, how are you feeling. Oh Joyce, I had a nephew that had MS and it was just so terrible. I admire you so much that you can still drive. What can I say? So I got out of the habit and that made it even harder to go back. Then you have to face the music. We haven't seen you in quite a while. Were you going some where else. Then I had to face my Mom. That was one of the most terrible things when she died. I hadn't made it back to church yet when she died. Sorry i hijacked your thread

You didn't hijack it, Doydie, you addressed some of the exact SAME issues I'm dealing with. I showered, got dressed, mentally covered all my maneuvers, etc...then at 11:00, I just couldn't pull the trigger. I kept picturing all those people--being nice, but being too much.

Again, nobody doing anything wrong--I know they care about me. My church family was there many times when my "real" family couldn't be. But sometimes even a "good" thing can be, well, too much.

Having headache issues lately, and while my church has been hugely supportive, DH woke me and said, you want to get ready? I said "are you nuts?! its Easter sunday!" I KNOW I dont have what it takes to do an easter service. The loud music, the crowds, the perfume, the extra lights, the extra cars, the extra smells from all the food dishes, the loud talkers, the hugs, the questions, the introductions to those I dont know cause they only come once a year...im sorry I DONT have what it takes. I stayed home. I simply was not able to push myself past my comfort zone on that one.

I miss so many things, like the music, and the socialization, and the worship, but by the time I walk out the door it takes me two weeks to recover.

Yes, ya'll have hit the nail on the head. Folks who are genuinely concerned and happy to see us.....and the ones who just want to know where you've been......and the in-between ones. It's just too much to keep explaining it all over and over. And it's not anybody's fault. I'd want to know if it were me on the other side. But it's overwhelming and just an assault to my senses and emotions. It's exhausting.

I guess I am blessed, I still can go to church and most of the people do not know what I have. Though now I have taken myself off all of the ministry duties, people are asking Why are you not doing these things. But with dropping things, not good to drop the communion cup on the floor or the hosts. I also do not read any more, sometimes sight is not that good, or I could fall, or lose my balance. Again not good. So I sit in the pew with my Husband and our Granddaughter who we are raising. I am blessed to be able to go. And when I can no longer attend - they will send someone to the house to read me the scriptures and to offer me the Body of my Lord. So I will have mass/church at my own home.

See if your church's will do that for you. Come and read to you and give you communion and even companionship.

I've been feeling badly about not physically going to church for quite some time... I used to sing in the choir and was very involved in the Sunday School classes, pageants and special celebrations. I even worked with the homeless weekly through my church. That all seems like a different person now when I look back... and it's only a few yrs ago. I sometimes think I might try to actually get ready and go, navigate the parking lot, navigate the large building, etc and then I realize that I'm too exhausted to even try..... so I watch it online. I agree that you don't have to be in a bldg to pray and talk to God, but I do wonder if HE'd rather I try to go anyway....This conversation made me feel much better. I'm realizing i need to be very stingey with my energy....most people just don't understand this, but how could they? It's just so weird.... How can we expect 'civilians' to understand this?