[Chris]

Hello you lot,
I know I've been quite "up" lately, as I recently found out I was pregnant again. My husband and I have been through so much in the last few years with trying to become pregnant, IVF, becoming pregnant, and then losing the pregnancy.

As many of you know, I recently found out I was pregnant again (by IVF), and we were thrilled. Each and everytime I become pregnant, everything seems fine, and they tell me they don't see any reason why I shouldn't be able to maintain a pregnancy. We've been tested, prodded, and poked to the point that we feel like lab rats.

I had an appointment with a high risk peri-natologist that works in hospital where the group I work with delivers. All seemed well (I was scheduled for a 4-D Ultrasounds later on this month). Earlier in the week, whilst at work, I experienced some mild bleeding and hadn't been having as much nausea as I'd been experiencing over the last month or so.

Lo and behold, we did an ultrasound at work the other day, and I have a "blighted ovum". I'm no longer pregnant, and there is no explanation for the loss of this pregnancy. There comes a point where we have to say enough with the IVF, and decide it's just the baby we want. Both of us have said it's not about giving birth, but about becoming parents.

BUT....I'm so disappointed. I feel like a failure for some reason. I work with pregnant women all day, and that certainly may be contributing to my feelings of loss. My Neurologist doesn't seem to think it has anything to do with the MS, and honestly, I don't either. I've seen plenty of women with auto-immune diseases deliver perfectly healthy babies after having perfectly normal pregnancies.

Has anyone on here had problems holding onto a pregnancy? Has anyone on here adopted? I'm concerned that our chances of getting a newborn are going to be decreased due to my MS.

Thanks. I don't mean to bring you down with our petty problem in the grand scheme of things, but you lot are the only ones I know would understand.

Thanks for listening,
Chris

[SallyC]

I'm so sorry, Chris I know what a sad and disappointing time this must be for you and DH.

I don't know much about adopting, but do you have to tell them about the MS? You take a chance too, you know, as the new Baby may have a genetic possibility for illness.....Maybe even MS.

I hope an Adoption is a probability for you and the process all runs smoothly. A lot of People become Parents and don't want it...You want to be Parents, which is a plus in my book.

Again, I am sorry for your loss and wish you better roads ahead.

Love,

[AfterMyNap]

Awe, Chris. I'm so sorry, this has to be just devastating for you and hub. Greta and her husband are in the process of adoption, hopefully, she'll chime in with some ideas for you.

You are NOT a failure, that position is for those who never try. Bearing a child does not define a woman as an individual, and I, for one, happen to think you are an exceptional individual who will make an exceptional parent.

Please take time to grieve your loss and try to regroup. There is hope, and I am praying for you and hub.

[Snoopy]

I am so very sorry Chris

I only have some experience with adoption. We were going through the adoption process when I got pregnant.

It was a long time ago but I don't remember my MS being an issue with the agency we were using. We were willing to do an open adoption.

Since I became pregnant just as we were to start the home study I will never know if the MS would have affected the biological mothers decision.

Again, I am so very sorry.

[Taffy]

I am so sorry. Take some time to heal. I think you will be a great mom to a lucky child waiting for you out there.

[greta]

Chris-
I can't tell you how sorry I am. Noone should have to go through that experience once, let alone multiple times.

I am going through the process of adopting right now. We haven't tried to have our own, but if all goes as planned, we'lll adopt from China. Unfortunately, China has changed their rules and people with MS, are now likely excluded to adopt for the near future from China. China has recently changed their policies to slow the number of new adopters, so people with MS are excluded (TG-I'm grandfathered in). We expect to have our child in Sept 08 if all goes well.

I Know already that it's not a big issue in other places. My neighbor's son ( single gay man) adopted an American newborn infant last year and the process was not all that long, just expensive. You will find a way - I know that. Best of luck to you!

[Curious]

gentle hugs chris.

i'm so very sorry.

[JaneFordA]

Dear Chris--

I apologize for not replying to your post sooner; I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this as well as the * MS.

I was in a similar position to yours 15 years ago. Let me add my cyber voice to those who have already expressed the incredible frustration and sense of disbelief that something so "easy" as getting your own baby into the nursery just seems to be an impossibility.

And you're right: there is no rhyme or reason and most assuredly nothing remotely resembling "fair play" in this. None at all.

A couple of posters have already mentioned Chinese adoptions.

But let me add also that India has a veritable legion of children for adoption. Now it's a little harder in India--if you have some friends of friends of friends here that can help you grease the wheels there, you'll be amazed at what can happen. And like Chinese adoption, it's pretty much a done deal when you get into international air space--and that has to be a lot of peace of mind for the wonderful people who embark on such an adventure--as well as a life-changing event for the babies they bring home.

And in one of those bitter ironies of life: for more than 20 years, people in India have been unofficially engaged in femicide. A marriageable generation later, girls are in such short supply that they're a commodity. The baby boys are the unwanted ones in many, many places these days.

I'll be sending you positive thoughts and prayers--you're obviously a great gal from what I'm reading on this forum.

[Chris]

Originally Posted by JaneFordA

Dear Chris--

I apologize for not replying to your post sooner; I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this as well as the * MS.

I was in a similar position to yours 15 years ago. Let me add my cyber voice to those who have already expressed the incredible frustration and sense of disbelief that something so "easy" as getting your own baby into the nursery just seems to be an impossibility.

And you're right: there is no rhyme or reason and most assuredly nothing remotely resembling "fair play" in this. None at all.

A couple of posters have already mentioned Chinese adoptions.

But let me add also that India has a veritable legion of children for adoption. Now it's a little harder in India--if you have some friends of friends of friends here that can help you grease the wheels there, you'll be amazed at what can happen. And like Chinese adoption, it's pretty much a done deal when you get into international air space--and that has to be a lot of peace of mind for the wonderful people who embark on such an adventure--as well as a life-changing event for the babies they bring home.

And in one of those bitter ironies of life: for more than 20 years, people in India have been unofficially engaged in femicide. A marriageable generation later, girls are in such short supply that they're a commodity. The baby boys are the unwanted ones in many, many places these days.

I'll be sending you positive thoughts and prayers--you're obviously a great gal from what I'm reading on this forum.

Thank you Jane,
What a lovely note!

Chris

[kami]

I am so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself a little time to grieve, when you
hope for something so much it is a real loss when it doesn't turn out well.

Seeing others going thru easier pregnancies is undoubtedly painful too.
I think you are wise to buy yourself a little time to strengthen your marriage
and rebuild your immediate life.

I so admire the people who choose to adopt and go to the ends of the
earth for children. I don't really know the extent of your disability from
MS, it shouldn't preclude parenting unless you are totally unable to get around, and even then people manage to be good parents.

Good luck. kami