I've been trying to reply to each of your replies individually and I'm not quite sure that that's actually working. I'm still kind of unfamiliar with how this forum works, but I have been trying to reply to each of your kind comments.
I'm one month away from my 38th birthday and working backwards with my neurologist. We've determined that I started having episodes at the age of nine. Every doctor I ever saw didn't take me seriously. They saw a healthy person who would recover from these episodes that would last from hours to a day and I would go right back to being full speed and having no lasting effects unfortunately, we now know that that's typical MS in early MS symptoms. I even had an incident of paralysis following my one and only time ever being in a sauna at the age of 16. The paralysis lasted about three hours and my doctor said well you just can't tolerate heat so don't go in saunas or hot tubs.

The county that I live in has exactly 2 neurologist and they are in the same office. I don't have a choice and really the neurologist's office does not have extra help or resources. It's actually very understaffed, overworked, and they serve an entire county of neurological problems. I've seen an MS specialist in San Francisco. He does not think I have secondary progressive, despite what my neurologist thinks, which is part of why she's not inclined to change my status.

I'm working with an acupuncturist/nutritionist and she's actually been the most helpful in my pain management and my muscles are starting to feel like they're actually strengthening. I've been seeing her since August and she said it will probably takes three years before I would notice a huge difference but as long as I'm steadily incrementally improving were on the right track.

I do have a wonderful loving husband and an amazing son who is my life my world. But I have my rough days where I just can't see anything good or positive.

My therapist doesn't think I need antidepressants. She actually is treating me for PTSD. I had a very traumatic childhood and she thinks that plays a huge part of Why I am so depressed and having so much trouble adjusting to my new reality. My father, the parent you actually love me and cared for me taught me not to be a woman who depended on anyone for anything, and I now depend on people for everything I can't even make myself a meal and so I have a lot of anger and self-hatred for the fact that I can't take care of myself and it's very deeply rooted in the way my father raised me.

I forget sometimes how much it helps to just reach out and hear from other people. Thank you very much for sharing with me.