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02-14-2008, 02:32 AM
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#21 | |||
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River - You are correct - I did my research. I am not willing, right now, to risk the exacerbation of my depression...I have lived on the verge of suicide for too long to put that back on the table, so to speak (but aha - this dx of MS certainly sheds some light on my always "drug resistant depression)...anyhow....other than the risks of worsening depression, there are the side effects of the interferon treatments. Yes, I know they aren't the end of the world....that being said, I still don't want them if I don't have to have them if I don't have to). And I think that some (this I haven't fully checked on, I admit) are intra-muscular needles - those freak me out. LOL. I'm thrilled I've been able to handle the Copax shots. (though, I spose I would rise to the occasion, but I digress) Now, how do I know that Copax isn't strong enough for my MS? I don't. How does my neuro know? I dunno - I spose he doesn't either - but I'm relying on his experience and the experience of his practice. Truth of the matter is - it seems that no one has a clear understanding of much of how this disease chooses to do whatever it wants to do when it wants to do it and how it chooses to do it! The other thing is - I'm not afraid of dying - I'm not afraid of death. I'm more afraid of this disease. I'd be better knowing I had "x" amount of time to live...or whatever. Instead, I have a big question mark over my head of many unknowns. It feels awful. With death - you know what you're up against, with MS, I don't feel like I do. (I may be wrong - I'm new to this - but right now, it feels this way.) Anyhow - I think I can live with physical disabilities thrown my way - however, I know I can not live with my cognitive faculties being messed with - and I fear that. I will not live as a mental marshmellow...and knowing my "luck" - that is the part of me most likely to be attacked first, hardest, and fastest. (Kinda like the dumb luck a world class athlete has where they become a paraplegic, etc.) Anyhow - I'm willing to take the risks, as of now. Again, I know it isn't the miracle cure. Like everything else - it works for some, not others, not everyone. As for the interferons, if the Tysabri doesn't work - I am going to have to re-consider those and look more closely and decide what I am willing to live with at that point...but I'm not there yet. Thank you for your support.... ~Keri |
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Wow - I just want to respond to all of you (and give you each a hug)!
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