...whether 'tis nobler to suffer and smile,
or give in to fatigue and give up for a while.
When one looks so normal and all appears fine,
and the secret of pain is secretly mine.
The pain... the burn... fatigue that will drop me,
to the floor, to colapse, to sleep, to rest, awe...there's the rub!

Yes, the rub is the fine line between when I have almost convinced myself from saying: I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT to hitting the brick wall and saying: NEVERMIND!

It's just that the brickwall comes out of nowhere when I least expect it... right at the time when everyone is saying "How great I look and how well I must be doing". I have been the great pretender for years and have gotten pretty darn good at it. So when I hit the wall, you may ask, "What's wrong?" to which I will (with automaticity) reply, "Nothing, I'm fine!"... OR (this one gets funnier all the time) "I'm just tired."