I'm struggling so much with this new relapse. How do you keep from feeling sorry for yourself? How do you stop crying all the time? I'm so angry at this disease and I know that you all are suffering the same things, so why do I feel like I'm all alone in this?

I know the steroids are wreaking havoc on me right now and it will pass... but I'm just so tired of it all. I guess I just wish I knew your secret. You all seem so positive and I want it to rub off on me. I'm usually a really happy and positive person, but I feel like I just hate everything right now and I'm finding it difficult to get through this without alienating everyone around me.

Sorry for the vent....

We all have those days! Hell I am having one of those months...well, come to think of it one of those years! I am getting ready to go back for another round of IVSM since the one we did before Thanksgiving is wearing off and now I have more Sx.


I'll tell you a secret... Chocolate, Red wine and a punching bag. Sometimes you just need to cry and sometimes you just need to scream. Then there are times when you just need to punch the **** out of something! And follow with your favorite chocolates and a glass of wine. It works wonders.... unless the steroids make everything taste like rubber. Then you just have to double up on the punching bag.

I guess that is what I wanted to hear, that it is okay to be mad and to cry. I feel like I'm failing because I can't be happy and positive during this, I feel like I should be stronger and I'm really just a weak, pathetic version of my real self right now.

I've been on the oral steroids for 8 days now, and the last 2 days my sx are worse. My tongue is almost completely numb and I can feel the side of my face numbing more and more.

Thanks for talking to me....

Don't feel bad for feeling bad, Blondi! We all have those days, weeks, months. I guess I try really hard to stay positive because I don't want my kids to worry about me. I tend to downplay my sx to them.....what are they gonna do about it anyway? I suppose a lot of that is just the "Mom" in me.

Even though this stupid disease does get painful at times....and I've had my share of scary sx that have lasted months (double vision, numbness, etc.) I just try to look at whatever wee bit of positive I can find in the situation. I may have a numb right hand/arm but I've learned how to use my left hand! I had double vision for four months but I learned how to compensate for it (I got very creative!) and it taught me to be thankful for whatever vision I have....be it doubled or not! At least I could see something.

There are still days when I get down.....wonder what I've done to deserve not just this but the many challenges that have come along in my life.....but I snap out of that quickly because I just ask myself....."why not me?" Should it be someone else....who am I to say? I'm not an overly religious person but I am spiritual and I do believe with all my heart that God is looking out for me (I have proof!) and this is all part of a bigger plan.

Probably more of an answer than you were hoping for but it's how I deal with things. I hope you feel better soon....and don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. It's a natural human emotion. Sometimes we all need to throw a pity party and be the guest of honor.

Oh, and the steroids can do a real number on your emotions.....but it passes.

I stay positive by coming here!

I'm serious!

Some of the humor found here is enough to get me laughing and cheer me up. Especially when Gazelle and CayoKay get going. I've been in stitches and it takes my mind off how crummy I may be feeling.

Much to NT members!

oh yeah. Ask cayo about the Nekkid Hallway story. She is a hoot!

My post follows some very sage advice

When I go through a flare-up, I get really ticked off I want to be able to read, make a cup of coffee and do whatever -- without having to ask for help for any of it.

I just tell myself that the flare will pass and I will be able to make that coffee myself.

It's the goal that keeps me going.

Focus on a goal! That's my small bit of advice

Cheers!

Niko

I may be positive a lot here to support others, but I have so many many days...feeling as you describe.. then I have to read here...or chill a bit. But truely if you ahve feelings let them out... if you feel tears let them out... be angry with the disease that is ok!! then let it go...think of positives in life... and concentrate on what the disease hasnt attacked on you... things you can do and enjoy.

hugsss truely I know how you feel, I am having issues this past year now about just not wanting to continue easily. wanting to say I quit to work and just all this pain and issues. so I dont have many answers...struggling with it too...but if you see me chipper here...trust me I am not always that way..

hugsss and good cheer to you, sarah

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this, Blondi .

I agree with what all of the others have said, we all have our bad days and please don't feel bad or guilty for letting things out and having a rant - we all have to let off steam at some time or another!!

I don't have MS but have a condition that is fairly similar so I do understand some of how you are all feeling . I also have my bad days and sometimes I feel like there is nothing to go on for but one of the things that I have found that really helps me and stops me from feeling really depressed is thinking about others who are a LOT worse off than me, the ones that can't eat, can hardly breathe, can't see, can't walk, are bed bound etc. Thinking about others that are worse off than me always makes me realise that things could always be a lot of worse and that I am a lot better than some people in some aspects.

Do you have a diary or a Journal, blog etc?? One of the other things that helps me is having somewhere to write about how I am feeling but where I don't have to show it to others if I don't want to. It really helps me be able to express my feelings and frustrations and not worry about others seeing what I have written or judge me.

A few months ago, I was really depressed and wouldn't do anything, talk or look at anyone, was stress eating etc etc. I have come out of my shell quite a bit from that point ... that's not to say that I don't feel like this still now, I do but it is a lot easier to cope with than it was!

Don't be afraid to talk to your doctors about how you are feeling. For so long, I wouldn't talk to my doctors about how I was feeling so they weren't able to help me - it really did help me when I started opening up to people and went to see a Psychologist.

Please remember that we are all here for you and we DO understand how you are feeling and will do anything we can to try and help you feel better!!

I wish I could help you more but just know you are in my thoughts and if you need anything, I am here for you!!

I tend to use reverse psychology, by remembering back to "harder" times. My first and second attacks were so much worse then anything I have experienced since, so that helps keep things in perspective.

I sleep a lot during those difficult times. Makes the time go faster.

I tend to avoid posting as much (or not at all) on the forums when I am less well, but I still read.

When all else fails, and when I just can't take any more . . . I just give into the feelings of desperation and anger. I scream at 'whom-ever' may be listening (to my conscience), and I completely give up. That's when things always turn the corner for me, and each improvement lifts me higher and higher.

Cherie