For those of you out there with RRMS and two very young children, how unbelievably hard is it? Would you recommend sticking with just one child?

Background info. My "high maintenance" yet charming child is 22 months old. Finally just got my confirmed RRMS dx after a year of hell. Starting copaxone this week. Got pregnant with DS three months after my first identified relapse and one month after my MRI. By the time I got my results back I was already pregnant (a surprise).

The first year of my child's life was bring you to your knees hard. He had colic, was a crap sleeper, BF'd *constantly* and was not an easy baby by any means. My delivery was a c-section under GA (reaction to the spinal) and everything went very sideways from there.

I need/want to work outside of the home. I currently work 4 days per week in a while collar desk job. We have no family in town that are able to help us out in the event of a relapse or other issues.

I "want" another child, but I really and truly don't know if we/I could handle it. I can barely manage the one I've got with the fatigue, etc.. Am I correct to suspect that with a second child my quality of life will go downhill quite severely?

If we do have another child will a 3 or 4 year age difference help alot? I feel like I need to make a decision to stay with just one child and find a way to become happy about it. But I just can't ditch the nagging feeling that our family isn't complete.

I'm so torn. I want another child but I am so worried that I would get run into the ground and be totally miserable.

Input?

Welcome to NeuroTalk! Glad you decided to join us here.

I'm not sure I can help you with your decision.....I have two boys but they're 21 and 25 now and I wasn't dx until 2005 so I didn't have MS (that I knew of) when they were small. But....it was hard enough without MS to raise two children and mine were "easy" kids......mellow personalities and always slept well.

My advice would be to take care of yourself first. I'm not sure of your age or if that's a concern for you (biological clock ticking away) but I've found that, for me, if I'm not feeling well myself it's hard to give 100% to anything else. Plus, you already have one child to think about.....how much extra time will you have for a 2nd one without ignoring yourself and your health?

Good luck with whatever you choose to do! MS is a puzzling disease. Just when you think you're home free it butts in to let you know it's still there!

I have 2 children. Both of them born after my diagnosis. They are now 17 & 19.

Your quality of life won't necessarily go down hill- not sure where you got that idea from

I did birthday parties, we have gone to Disneyland twice, I went to all of their school functions (still do), I ran a taxi service for my kids and their friends, took them to the movies more times than I can count, I was a soccor mom, indoor jungle gyms and so much more.

I have never had any regrets.

Having more than one child is going to be difficult even if your in perfect health. No one ever said raising a familiy would be easy.

Only you can make this decision. Before I was DXed, raised twins, 10 at my DX,16 when I went into chair. They're old enough to help me a little, When they were little, even then I was thankful that they napped at same time (age difference means one will, other won't or will fight it). I know as a PP, will never remit, am glad it was done 17 years ago when I could do it like I did (did not work either, we ""choose" to go deeply into debt). Even having no MS symptoms then, after a night of twin feedings and diaper changes, I was so tired I'd cry. Motherhood is tough, but I would do it again like that, now, no.

I have raised my kids mostly on my own (divorced when they were young), and have two aged 13 and almost 17. I had MS before I had my first, and I worked until my eldest was 13. I also didn't have much support (no Grandparents, and sisters; too self-absorbed).

It is/was very, very hard. I had a good career when I was working, so I "bought" a lot of their opportunities in life; like travel, competitive sports, speciality schools, etc. If I didn't have the financial advantage, they would have missed out on a lot, and I would have felt terrible about that.

I haven't done much with them in the last 5 or 6 yrs, and I really wish that wasn't the way things panned out for them. I am at home now though, so at least we are close from that perspective.

Of course I would make the same decision because I can't imagine not having my second one (now that I have her). But if I hadn't been set up financially, and if I didn't have a lot of support from my ex, I would not have survived and/or they would not have prospered.

Cherie