i must admit that i'm struggling with it all. i've neglected the board and didn't update my religion thread.
i had what i can only call a miraculous recovery which coincided with almost three months of beta along with a prayer and a blessing from a minister. which one did the deed? who knows. all i know is the day of my prayer, as i drove home, my leg pain went away and i no longer limp. i still have mind and sensory issues but at least i can get around.

but i'm left with an emptiness. a deep gloom.

i can't see a future.

i can't work more than 2-3 shifts a week (in a good week).
i can't find another suitable job.
i can't pay more off the home loan.
i can't pay into my super.
how am i going to survive?
and when i do survive, how do i fund my life?
i can't get disability or any grants to start a business.

my life is full of can't 's and how's.

i just want something nice to happen for once.

any ideas?

Just be aware that the Interferons can cause depression. For some it's a crushing depression so please consult with your doctor. If you're already on an AD you might have to change it or supplement it.

And......something good DID happen. You got an answer to your prayer. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer and don't doubt for one second that it "did the deed".

I am so sorry you are feeling down. Let me hug you

now, I want you to look in the mirror and find 3 good things to say about yourself. You are handsome, you have beautiful eyes, I like my ears. find something good to say. If you cant find something good, I want you to make something up. Repeat this each day, and by the time you hit one week, I PROMISE you will start to feel better about yourself.

now, lets take that cant cant cant list. are you in a corner, well...it looks like it. you know what time it is? yep! its time to ask for help. its HARD to ask for help. We tend to be givers. We will give till our cups cracks, and then give from our personal stores of energy, but when it comes time to ask for help, we shy away, and think bad thoughts about ourselves. ASK! Please go to your pastor. ASK. Please go to your town hall and ASK for the welfare officer. This doesnt mean you have to go on welfare, it just means she is the person with the book of available services that you may qualify for. ASK ASK ASK. keep asking. Get anyone and everyone who can help you, to roll up their sleeves and pitch in. There are many wonderful services and plans available, but you must ASK for them.

Please know that you are loved and respected here. We ALL have these periods of down time, and self doubts. The trick is to feel um, wear um for a day or two, and then...take off the coat of doubts, and get up. We are gonna be here cheerleading you. Ask family, ask friends, ask neighbors. Do you know how good it feels to help a friend in need? Please dont deny your friends that same feeling of warmth and love that you get when you help them.

Please speak to your MD about the possibility of depression from the interferons.

You can do it!

Just want to give you a big (((hug))).

What they said and more hugs..((((((((Pud's)))))))))

Pud...
You need to get some help...I know it works for me.
It's difficult, when this disease is so daunting, to see anything positive in life. But trust me, even with all the challenges, every morning, no matter how crummy I feel, I thank God, the universe, or whatever, for the new day. Nothing matters but this very moment. This is all you have. Take a breath. That in itself is a miracle.
Every night, try to think of one thing from the day that you're grateful for.

I know you have a lot of challenges. Ask for help. You have so many issues that should be addressed with some sort of support by your side. Whether it be a therapist, or the local social services network, or some MS society office, please look for assistance.

And know that this place is awesome for support and info.
You're not alone...
Keep in touch...

dear pud,

i couldn't have said it all better.
please be a bit gentle with yourself.

make a plan. a phone call to someone, a visit with your dr etc.
somehow when you have a plan of action to help solve a problem things seem to move forward.

we're here for you.

I agree with what everyone has said.

So...

Just remember we are here for you.

Give your Dr. a call and...

have another