I have a very supportive husband and 2 sons. I feel isolated from the rest of my family I am so affraid i will hit rock bottome. I feel like i dont deserve my husband i have put him through so much especially the last suicide attempt because he had to see me like that and didnt know if i would pull out of it and he was blaming himself for it and it wasnt his fault i am ill and i need help I am looking into the vns surgery my therapist and primary care physician feel like it might be my last hope so tomorrow i go to a neuroligst to see what he thinks and whether i can go to a neurosurgeon to get it done I just might see a light at the end of the tunnel but once again i feel like nothing good ever happens to me its just one let down after another and i feel like if this doesnt work this might be my last chance. depression is horrible and wouldnt wish this on anybody. and i know it was hard for my husband to take care of my kids while i was in icu for 4 days than 302ed to an impatient program for a week and i thank him and dont know why he puts up with me or why i deserve him.