thanks hon but i'm going to have to pm you i got the posts but no attachments no pictures nothing nada not there just the words I looked for the attachments thingy got it on Jaynes picture and been looking all over for taodies but nope no pictures show up on my threads feel free to email me at sheltie70@hotmail.com or send me message that might help on private anything would help thanks again and dont worry about messing up my thread I felt bad bringing it back up to the top for something so silly thanks again hon ps forgot to say i revisted both sights you have me and nope no kids no pictures again just words but i'm not really great with computers but not as bad as as all that so something is wrong with my puter not me PRAYING LOL THANKS AGAIN

I am sorry.I hope I am not being presumptious...but I gather you are a carer and do not have pd yourself.I simply don`t know.But I needed to say how wonderful I think you are for taking such an interest and sharing the load of your husbands illness.It is so commendable...and before you reply with a selfless answer...because reading your lovely posts...you come across as putting yourself last and others first..no...not everyone is fortunate to have such support so close to home.[ This doesn`t necessarily mean I am speaking about my own situation] but I especially remember the sadness and difficulties that were posted on brain talk 1 by folk who were struggling to have their partners understand,even a little of what they were going through,what help they needed,how they could give it.
Your husband is surely blessed to have you...but then again..I expect you two work a two way process here.
Lovely to know that that happens.
And thank you for welcoming me into your thread so warmly.
xxx

oops should not have showed up here sorry

WE see a lot of "dumping" of one partner in marriages. THis is due to a selfishness that in some cases you can't really villify the carepartner (if there is abuse or other nastiness created by the person being cared for).
Some carepartners are like angels sent from heaven, some like flesh consuming monsters from hell. Over the long haul, it starts to become a very heavy burden on a carepartner, no matter, how helpful, supportive and thankful the ill partner is.
IN many marriages where one partner doesn't really want their caring role, resentment builds to a crescendo until divorce is imminent. That is just one reason why PD can be so horrible, we're still alive when we're suffering these indignities

Carepartners are just like eveyone else some good some not so good, as I told someone else there are days I just want to run screaming and wish my life were different that it is but for the most part I accept what I've been given and just get on with it. This illness and many others change the person with the disease and doing so changes the partner and people have to be willing to accept the fact that nothing is going to change that, except as you say when it gets bad enough for one or both to contemplate divorce. Carepartners have to be willing to understand that not only is there partner ill but the plans we all made when younger, on where our lives were taking us are now washed away and new plans have to start. The ones with the disease also have to give there partner some breathing space and allow them to have a other interests sometimes, and this takes them away from the ill one and this pretty well always has some negative feelings that have to worked out as well. With any marriage or alternative living arrangment compromise and feelings always have to be taken into consideration and not everyone is always going to agree Take care cs and as always its great to here from you and I hope things are going as well as possible take care old friend

It has come to me with an amazement just how much the person who needs care and the person giving it have to learn.

I would have bet all that I own that my daughter would be as kind and as solicitous to me as she has been over the years to others. but that is turning out to be just the opposite case.

She recently took on the challenge of being a advocator for a man dying of multiple cancers stemming from the original Prostate Dx. She is realy fighting for him with the doctors as well as his family to ensure his wishs have priority.

But I have been feeling really bad for a few weeks and last night she brought me home a bunch of very heavy large coverings to fix for her and her husbands business. They weigh a ton.

I said wow when do you need them and she replied as soon as you can feel upto doing them but they go out next week.

I sat in wonderment as I just had to purchase a wheelchair a week ago. I still don't go out as I can't accept using the chair as yet.

But you know there is a hard hard thing I am asking of her. She sees me as strong and resourceful and so how could I get weak. Of course I haven't made that any better by letting out the words when i go it will be here one minute and gone the nest.

never ever did I think it would be another waiting event. I had cancer once before and beat it but this is different and I won't be beating it.

So i have a choice to make. Put my kids through it and let them see me waste away or go now so the memories are less hurtfull.

Not suicide I mean move to a different address or town.

I see them watching me and it is hard to appear oksy for them but it is hard for me as well.

There are 3 great crandchildren to think of and they have a long life ahead of them with all of the fears of so many things out there.

Don't you agree there is a time to think of their future and just say sorry guys it was too much for me.

Then I can see them on my terms and times and leave better thoughts behind.

I had to make that decision once before when I left my husband with three childen and one on the way under the same thoughts all most.

He was and proved out to not be a good father to any of his children and ruined the lives of his last 1 in his second marriage.

Of course I expected to meet and remarry and have all the good that marriage is supposed to bring to you but it never happened. That should make me regret the move but it hasn't.

So what say you all. I think the only way of looking at pending incapability and eventually death is not to think of the future of yourself but that of those you leave behind.

As per usual this isn't written well but if i edit I will delete it as I am not very personal with my postings

thanks

thelma,

it's your death as it is your life. your choice. that choice will effect others.

my brother died of cancer. he planned his death. i was honored to be included. it was heartbreaking, but i will always treasure the gift he gave me. of wanting me to be with him, to be the one to hild him as he passedm to hear his last words and breathe in his last breath.

but if he had chosen to go off alone, i don't think that pain would ever have gone away.

death is part of life. i hope your family will help you celebrate your life. to remember you and keep you in their daily lives.

talk to your daughter. does she really understand the gravity of your cancer this time? she see's you as what you have always portrade yourself as. strong. you said this yourself. unless you show the weakness or tel her, she won't know.

i wish you peace thelma. you have many tough choices to make. i;m sure you will get many wise replies here.

Dear Thelma,

You might as well stay, as the decision is not only yours to make. To go now, would be interpreted as being selfish on your part by your children. You will be telling them they are not adult enough to make the sacrifices needed to keep you comfortable. You will be depriving your family of a very integral part of the family before it is necessary. You will take from your family the time they will need to let go of you gradually and to see the natural end of life: Death. You will teach your family that it is something to fear and not something to fight for. They will never see the peace on your contenence when you finally pass on.

But most important, you will not allow them the blessing of being able to say goodbye on both your and their terms when you die. We are not animals, who crawl away from the pack to die alone and outcast. We are humans, who depend on our family both when we come into the world and when we leave it.

Love,
Vicky

I am very blessed to call you "friend".
You never cease to amaze me!
YOU ARE A TREASURE!!

Charlie

You know Thelma, it's the fighters who always get the bum end of the stick. My interpretation of what your daugter is doing is, in her mind "well, Mom's a fighter, she LOOKS like she can help here, so I'll lean on her".
That's what is breaking me down. I "look" just fine to my wife; I pretend that I am not now in the state of "advanced PD", as was written on my prognosis sheet over two years ago by my neuro. I try to "be funny" when I'm in horrible pain, so that I give the gift of reaassurance that dsd is OK and is going to be so for a long time, even though I don't think a body can naturally take this "punisment" for another 10 years. I could be wrong, but I really think chronic disease DOES shorten our lives, even though some doctors say it doesn't.
So much abuse we take. I've always called putting demands on PWP as "kicking a dead horse". Most of us have experienced good health, and placed demands on ourselves as "overachievers"; but when that can do person slowly becomes a can't do person, and still wants to show themselves as a can do person, well, it's not to much of a jump for others to think that we are still "the way we were".
I don't mind the thought of not being alive, but what scares me is if I have to live many years in this slowly degrading state, watching everything about my life decay slowly. Like you I don't or won't consider suicide, but also will not acccept the degradation, loss of self reliance, physical and psycholgical pain to the point where it is just plain torture. Such an indignant future can only go so far before one can "will" their own demise.
Untill then, as long as I can get antiparkinson drugs to prop me up on a stick than i'll take the torture, but if it just gets too bad, I'll take myself out in a very dignified way, of which I know of many, silent ways. cs