dear brother cs,
the definition for manipulation...

Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage
a great technique used by the spouse that wants the money,
but not the husband and or wife...
they are divorcing you for your own good?

this link is more informative
http://tinyurl.com/2qsjge

Harley and CS..Im really sorry to hear that you folks have to go through this mess..CS, ever since you mentioned having some marital problems a while back, I come here and read the forum daily, and hope that I will read some good news about your situation..

My prayers go out to you both

ol'cs and MKane, I can really relate to what you're saying.

I too have been having thoughts about letting my family happily go live their normal, healthy lives without me. I suppose some would call that depression. I sort of think of it as a practical alternative. I've also been thinking of divesting myself of most of my worldly possessions. It's getting so hard to do things that I used to take for granted. I can't work in my profession like I did before PD. Even hobbies are either too challenging or just seem pointless. I can't ignore the stress factor either. People, whether they mean to or not, add stress to my life. Maybe it's time to just let go.

Tena says it well...
"and when you married vows were exchanged and more than likely they said - for richer or poorer
through sickness and health, till death parts you both...
that was the contract: and yes, we maybe ill -but love is not suppose to be conditional...
we live a in throw away world, and that ideology hurts people as well..."

Harley, do not leave your home, unless you have other permanent living arrangements that will suit you financially. I hope you have a strong support group, too-in family or friends. I know nothing of the law, except it varies state to state, and there's too much red tape.
Good luck to you, and my prayers are with you.
Steph

to read your post titled "Letting Go". I certainly do not know your circumstances related to family, but I have to question whether or not they would be in complete accord with your thoughts about "letting go"..to live their normal healthy lives without you? Do you really think that they would/could be happy doing this? If so, then, of course...it WOULD be time to let them go. However, has it occurred to you that they just might NOT feel as you do...that they just might need you to "open up" to them so that they might have the opportunity to discuss what might really be in their minds and hearts about you? Is it possible that you're thinking about a choice that you THINK would be best for you withut really KNOWING how others feel? Could you just be ASSUMING that they would rather you allow them to go to live their lives as YOU THINK they would choose to do? I wonder just how you might feel if you could know that this would NOT be their choice? Would that not give you the strength and courage to continue to be part of their lives...knowing that this would be THEIR choice? Certainly, these are all rhetorical questions on my part but I felt compelled to "ask" them and to share them with you if even to give you something to ponder. As I said..only YOU know your circumstances so that none of the questions that I've posed would even be a consideration. I just couldn't read that title, "letting go" without responding in some way. If anything at all positive evolves from my writing, I will feel that I've done my best to try to change how you're feeling at this particular time.

Take good care...
Therese

ol'cs

I feel so bad for you...
How awful of your wife to treat you that way

Therese,

I was just saying that I understood how ol'cs and MKane felt. I didn't say I was going to go out and do anything. I was just expressing feelings. I'm only recently diagnosed, so I'm still struggling with my own feelings--maybe I'll always be struggling with my own feelings. I don't know. This isn't exactly new to me, however, because my father had MS for many years. The surrounding family had a tough time with this. So I've been on that side, too. (I wrote a lot more but decided to delete it.)

Letting go doesn't have to be a sad thing or a bad thing. It doesn't mean that one would never speak to their family members ever again. It doesn't mean that one is giving up. To me, letting go simply means acknowledging that everyone has their own life to live. One of my father's favorite sayings was that we all have to "play the hand we're dealt." Well, I've been dealt the PD card as part of my life's hand. I'll have to accept that. The rest of my family will have to play their own hands, and I'm willing to let them, whether I'm in the game or not. I guess that's what "letting go" means to me. There's an odd sort of peacefulness or serenity in this notion of letting go--simply letting my loved ones live their lives as they choose to live them.

Peace to you all, however you may find it.

K...I definitely misunderstood what you meant by "letting go"...felt that you were giving up...on life...you...family. How wrong I was and how beautifully you explained your feelings. I absolutely understand when you speak of an odd sort of peacefulness and serenity in the notion of letting go...and it made me think about parents who just will NOT let their children go...to live their own lives...and it made me feel quite good that I have done exactly that, and I thank you for reinforcing that I have done a good thing for my children...and there IS a peace and serenity in knowing that I have been able to "let go" in the sense that you have described, K.....thank you...

Therese

Hi....I haven`t been here for a while and was so sad to come into this forum and see this thread. I so wish you well as you go through this turbulent time.You really do not need any of this harrowing uncertainty...but it has to be better than the strains of living with a partner who makes untold selfish demands of you. The times I have been through turbulence on a flight...I have emerged the other side to a scene of blue skies,a vast ocean and beautiful scenery.When the clouds have gone....I pray that this is what you will see Harley and Olcs....cos I reckon that ,knowing your wonderful creativeness Harlley, and your sense of "Reality " cs....and anyone else going through this....that you have been deprived of such a vision for a whileThe fog will lift and you can breathe good clean air again.
How lovely Therese to remind us that we sometimes are in danger of thinking we "know" what someone else wants...when in fact this may not be the case.
I know that I am guilty of that ..But I guess when the actions match the words that are spoken,there`s no mistaking what the situation is about.
Thinking of you both
Steff
x

Keep your right hand up and keep leading with your left. I know it's a fight you didn't want in your life again. But, we both know you will weather the storm out and will be sitting by the Ocean once again with a renewed love of your life. The long nights will pass away into the rear view mirror of yesterday. The road ahead will be fresh and new for you and your daughters and grandaughters.
Take care of yourself and keep that left jab moving fast and hard.

Jacob