[stevem53]

Hi Everyone..And a warm welcome to our new community members!

As I write this the PAN Forum is taking place in Wash D.C..I would have loved to go to see everyone, but no way could I make it this year..Hopefully next year I will be able to spend a couple of days there

It has been a chaotic week with plenty of drama, the kind I dont look foward to..I had to break up with my girlfriend..A week ago this past Thursday, she had some blood work done at her Drs office..She has fibromyalgia, and type II diebetes..She said they drew 4 vials of blood, and her Dr says they found morphine, vicodan, and codine in her blood, and she swears up and down that she didnt take the drugs..I have suspected she had a drug problem for a few months for sure, and alot longer possibly..She claims she needs narcodic pain meds for the fibro..I found out that narcodics are not the prefered treatment for fibro, because of the risk of dependency, and also because basically, narcodics dont work for fibro pain..I talked to some friends in the medical field, and they told me that the chance of a mistake in her bloodwork are 1 - 2%..very slim..So her Dr has made it impossible for her to get pain meds..Then this Wednesday afternoon she left me a message asking if she could use my credit card to get pain meds online..I dont think so!!..So I have learned from past experiences, that when you see a train coming..you get off the tracks, so I ended the relationship immediately..I have given her the benefit of the doubt long enough, and now theres little speculation left as to what has been going on..I feel sad..sadder than I think I should feel..but I guess that makes me human..My stomach has been churning for days, and I know it will stop, when its time for it to stop, and I will be at peace again..Like having pd isnt enough..I certainly dont need this crap

I went to an AA meeting last night with my friends who were concerned about me, and picked me up at my house..I always feel better about whatever is going on in my life after a meeting..My emotions are raw from my pd, and when I get sad and upset, they increase 10 fold, and I get more symptomatic..They read this passage at the meeting from our text book that I have heard and applied to tough situations in my life many, many times..And it reads:..

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

And of course:..

"God, grant me the sernity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

Amen"

That always puts things into perspective for me everytime

I hope your week was better than mine

[vlhperry]

You are the most remarkable man. I feel bad for both your girlfriend and yourself. Who knows how long she was self medicating herself and lying to you about her self administration of illegal drugs. She probably thought you, of all people, would feel sympathetic and would be desparate for company to enable herself to continue her behaivior. You are so wise. She must battle this battle alone and learn to accept her drug problem as hers alone and not make excuses for her problem. This must have been about the hardest thing you have experienced since you took responsibility for your own life. It is in our darkest hours where we show our true character, and you are a heroe in my book. I will pray for both of you. I am so glad to hear your friends from AA were there for you. They too have shown their true character and how much they have taken the 12 steps of AA into their hearts.

I will pray to Jesus to ease your pain (boy, does that sound trite, "Field of Dreams," and that the footprints in the sand will change from two sets to one during your period of healing."

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson (Zangare)

This poem has no copyright

Peace to you,
Vicky

[Jaye]

Oh, Steve, how I would love to share one of those great big hugs right now.
That acceptance goes for PD too, I'm reminded, like when I drop things I say "I accept that small mishap. That's how my body works now." It really helps, and I think I have more energy when I don't stay stuck in that moment cursing the loss of dexterity, but move on to the next moment, be it comforting or challenging.

Yes, here we are at PAN. You can catch the proceedings on the webcast at http://www.vodium.com/MediapodLibrar...00000100000111 on your Windows Media Player or Real Player. Last night's dinner speaker was fantastic! What was the last time you had to interrupt your consumption of a rubber chicken dinner to applaud, whistle, shout and whoop? But a lot of people were missing this year -- we need new blood...

You are in my prayers. You are ALL in my prayers.

Jaye

For what has been, thanks be to God.
For what is, thanks be to God.
For what is yet to come, thanks be to God.

[stevem53]

Vicky..Thanks for the compliments, and Thank You for posting "Footprints"

I think about Footprints often, as there have been mamy many times in my life where there were but one set of footprints in the sand, and I believe that our journey with pd, that we are not alone in that respect..A good friend of mine who I fished with for many years said that there would be trials in life that test our faith, and that these experiences would always strengthen our faith, and strengthen our character

Jaye..Im sure you all are having fun at the PAN Forum..Say hello to everyone for me, I really wanted to go this year, but it was not in the cards..I am there in spirit though

There arent many meetings where they open up the meeting with a reading from acceptance, but they did at that partcular one..I was with friends who picked me up, and was invited over another friends house for dinner before the meeting that evening..Even though I was in the company of good caring friends, I felt sad and my stomach was churning, as well as more symptomatic than usual..When we got to the meeting, and they read
"Acceptance", it reminded me who is in charge, and who has the Master Plan..I also realized that the decision I made, and the action that I took, was a result of what has been drilled into my head repeatedly, that "I had to be willing to go any lengths for my sobriety"..and a temporary peace came over me, and I knew in spite of how I felt, that I did the right thing, and that it was ok to feel the way I feel about it..Thats the way Im supposed to feel

Your liitle prayer at the end reminds me of this one:..

Lord, Thank You for what you have given me
For what you have taken from me
And for what you have left me with

[vertigo]

Hello Steve-
This is some hard time for you, but I am sure the future will be brighter. You are in good company in AA , my brother have been there for 7 years, he says that without AA he could not stop drinking. Like you he was helped by the others and in a way carried when his life was hard. He lost his only son in an overdose narcotics 5 years ago , because of AA he did not start drinking again when this happened. He have become a sporty man, a listening and reading man , like he was when he was young, I have got my brother back, so thank you to the AA !
Here in Norway it is winter , much snow and storm last week. I had to go to my therapist in this weather , driving the car I was thinking : Annelise you are a very good driver. I did not crash .
Hold on to your friends and your prayers Steve .

Annelise

[stevem53]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Hello Steve-
This is some hard time for you, but I am sure the future will be brighter. You are in good company in AA , my brother have been there for 7 years, he says that without AA he could not stop drinking. Like you he was helped by the others and in a way carried when his life was hard. He lost his only son in an overdose narcotics 5 years ago , because of AA he did not start drinking again when this happened. He have become a sporty man, a listening and reading man , like he was when he was young, I have got my brother back, so thank you to the AA !
Here in Norway it is winter , much snow and storm last week. I had to go to my therapist in this weather , driving the car I was thinking : Annelise you are a very good driver. I did not crash .
Hold on to your friends and your prayers Steve .

Annelise

Thank You Annelise!..And bravo for your brother!..That is great to hear..AA is the biggest lost and found department in the world..and has saved my life, and changed my life

[jcitron]

Steve,

You are a strong soul. Substance abuse is a difficult thing to accept, and I commend you for what you've done. I feel sorry for your're girlfriend. Hopefully at some point, she'll accept that she has a problem with the narcotics and seek treatment before it's too late. You were smart for getting out of the way. You don't need this additional stress in your life right now.

I have found too that stress makes me feel worse. I've accepted that as part of the course with PD.

Chin up.

John

[BUZZZ]

Stevem, I too am a friend of Bill W. for 21 sober years now, thank God.
I find the "program" a tremendous help in dealing with Mr P. . That was a great quote and I thank you for it, god bless!
Buzzz.

[stevem53]

Originally Posted by BUZZZ

Stevem, I too am a friend of Bill W. for 21 sober years now, thank God.
I find the "program" a tremendous help in dealing with Mr P. . That was a great quote and I thank you for it, god bless!
Buzzz.

Nice to meet you Buzzz!..It was 18 years in October for me, and I agree, the program has taught me how to live through anything with a reasonable amount of peace and happiness..even Parkinsons..Like John..(jcitron)..mentioned, stress only makes pd worse, and that certainly has been the case for me..I am so grateful that Ive had the AA program to supply me with the spiritual tools Ive needed to deal with it

[lou_lou]

dear steve,
I am truly sorry to hear this -so sad - my heart hurts for you...

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
carl sandberg