I have an apology to make to everyone here.
You see, my husband leaving me was my fault.
I won't go into detail, but let me assure you that
it was my fault in the end. I didn't mean to
mislead anyone, but some of you assumed it was
his fault and I did not correct you. I am deeply
sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

MaryFrancis Really it doesn't matter who is at fault. I am sure there were good years when you started out with your husband but for one reason or another it changed. So many of us have been through the same thing, its no good trying to analyze what happened, whats done is done and its time to move on. In the end it is about two people going their own way. You still have a lot of good years ahead of you so think positive and make the best of it. Good luck.

I do not hold anything against you sweetheart,
and remember you have been through a huge - shock to your system -
perhaps he should stop and see things through your eyes -but I had a husband once that was very creul and abusive -
and because he did not wish to walk with me - as I was embarassing when I had tremors -etc -etc... he played the good guy - "played" - "a charmer" - yeh?
so I literally shook the dust from my feet - and here I am still alive -
and happier and still laughing - he had told me, "He replaced me."
that my dear was music to my ears...
do not worry anymore about finger pointers - soon enough -what one has planted -they shall reap - (what goes around -comes around)
the golden law of the universe -so be at peace with you -
you owe us... (((hugs2Mary))) nothing... you are going to be alright,
I have you my dear on my -heart - so you are in my prayers -
and I live because people keep me in theirs...
love -

MAry;

You can "fall on your sword" is you want to, but I KNOW their is plenty of blame to go around. It takes "two to tango'!
Your hubby treats you like a possession, NOT a partner, so do not shoulder the blame yourself, 'cause it just ain't true!!

big hug for a good friend!
Charlie

nope.. sorry. not gonna accept this "my fault" stuff. girly, you are not at fault. dont matter if you got angry, frustrated, struck out, struck back, initiated, or whatever. you gotta ask yourself this question. why are you feeling guilt? there shouldnt be any reason to feel guilt in a marriage that is solid. there are going to be rough times, yes. there will be differences of opinions, yes. but. if the union is not stable and unworkable the situations that arise cannot be resolved without the residue left behind that leaves one feeling things like "guilt" the bottom line is this. you have a disease that obviously wasnt a prime consideration in the marriage. it is not your fault. it is not something you asked for or planned on. it is not not NOT something to feel guilty about.

Learning to Fly Solo

I have hovered above a ground covering sound
Awaiting the release of a piece of your thought
What emerges surges through worn out urges
That try to justify an unverified reality sought.

The years are weary of teary eyes and blurry
Ponderings of what your mind wanderings mean
A crust of thick dust has engulfed all of my trust
Not allowing the doubting of trust to be cleaned.

Each awareness of fairness you dare to suggest
Is caught in bought lessons that you offered free.
Now broke to this joke in both spirit and hope
I am weak to seek breakage in the web holding me.

The residue of paying dues for hues constant change
Is becoming too thick to depict solid direction.
I am bogged in a foggy clogged closet of thought
Tossed in lost betrayal and wailing depression.

I cannot blot the thought that options are now
Minimal yet vital for that internal secured stone
Each day a foray of what may or may not stay
Has confused an abused sense of being alone.

Striving to derive what is dead or alive
Within the communion of our unions fragile shell
Statements in debate are behind hesitations gate
The water not yet tasted sits stagnate in the well.

Your appeal to steal words sealed behind my lips
Only breaks apart the stake that you artfully claim
I find myself behind the closed door to what is yours
Flying solo, I will soon know the importance of MY name.

©Laura j dean

Mary,

There's no reason to take the blame for this. In many cases, a spouse can't handle the fact that their nearly perfect partner of years past now has a longterm health problemso they give up and leave.

Remember you're the stronger one in this relationship. You are the one that has to deal with this, and can't take the easy route and run away and hide.

Shame on him; not shame on you.

John

Mary..Ive been married twice, and theres always enough blame to go around from both parties over the duration of the relationship..What I think is more important than anything, is the ability to learn from my mistakes, and become a better person, and to not repeat past mistakes, or to bring my old behaviors into a new relationship..For you to publicly apologize to us, is a sign that you have already grown from your experience, and I applaude you for that!

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that Mary wrote this under duress. Her husband is extremely possessive, and he considers her chattel. I hope I am wrong, but I don't think so.

Charlie

I didn't want to say anything and I may be dead wrong, but my antennae reacted the same way when that post was made.

What they all said, MF...really.