After reading Hopeful's last post, I feel selfish posting this since she is so concerned with how her family feels and all I want to do is end this. Don't worry would kent do anything that selfish because of the impact it would have on my 3 sweet boys. But I couldn't even get out of bed yesterday and here I am again today. The pain and weakness in my legs is unbearable and I am so sick to my stomach that I am unable to eat. All I have been doing is sleeping and taking tramadol (which a week ago I was not even taking) and zofran. And yes the tramadol makes the nausea worse but it is between that or the awful pain. The max I took is 100mg.

I just do not undertstand. Why me? Why us? When will this nightmare end? I find myself looking around at other people thinking I would o anything to be them-to be normal and healthy. Meanwhile my prayers go unanswered. As hopeful said there has got to be a reason for this....

For now what do I do??? I have to at least be able to function

Cat, I am so sorry. There are no words to tell you as I know because there are no words I myself want to hear. I have been on a couch for 2 weeks unable to be up for more than 15 minutes on my feet. I have all your feelings and thoughts and no answers. But I understand your need to come somewhere safe and put to words your feelings that you can't say out loud to loved ones.

Praying for all of us, even when it feels useless.

Most—if not all—of us have been through this—and more. I've accepted that the answers may never be found/known, and I'm concentrating more on adapting, taking better care of myself, and trying to enjoy what I still have.

A couple of things that have helped me move on are knowledge/understandings of some things we have in common—the stages of grief (a.k.a. Kübler-Ross Model) as applied to chronic illness, and the Vicious Cycle(s) of Chronic Pain (and one or more of anxiety, insomnia, stress, depression...)

Doc

Hi,
I read Kubler Ross in nursing school but not vicious cycles. I'm going to get it!
Thanks!
Hopeful

Thank you so much to everyone. Just like with you hopeful, reading through your thoughtful responses brought tears to my eyes. Just knowing there are people who "get it" makes it easier to bear. I am in TX and it is actually beautiful outside hopeful so I will get out of bed and try to sit in the sun for a bit (maybe you can too Stacy). And I have never read about either of those topics Dr.Smith and will take a look when I am out of the feeling sorry for myself zone

Thanks again and I send prayers and hugs back to all of you.

I completely understand. Once in a while I question my ability to take on this dreadful burden and cope, day in day out. I've only had this less than a year. I ask myself how am I going to cope with this another 30 or 40 years!

Walking past people in the street, normal people, who are completely oblivious to the terrible pain I'm suffering while they enjoy life. And yes, I feel envious of those lucky people. I was like them once. Is this what it's like to be very old and watch the young people doing things.

If anything good has come of this, for me it's gaining an appreciation of what others are feeling. I was once quite a selfish person, impatient. If a little old lady was in my path holding me up as she carries her shopping to the car, I'd get angry inside, wishing she wouldn't waste my time. But now, now I'd help her to carry her shopping, have a nice chat and feel great I'd met someone new today.

That is one of the positives for me. I've learned patience and understanding. It doesn't quite answer the "why me", but it helps me accept it more.

There is a moderate drug interaction with tramadol and zofran.

http://www.drugs.com/interactions-ch...21-0,1752-1120

Tramadol has to be activated by the liver to its active metabolite in order to work. So there can be a delay of up to hours before you have pain relief. So people often increase dosing...before that can happen, and then they end up with significant side effects.

I for example, cannot tolerate tramadol in high doses...causes terrific nausea for me. So I only use 25mg (1/2 of a 50mg tablet). And even then I reserve it for really bad nights only.

Hi Cat,
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I do believe there are reasons for everything. I also know flare ups happen to all of us. I'm praying that is what this is for you. If it is a flare up, the good thing is they do pass.

I feel like emotionally it is normal for us to ask why us sometimes. Also to say I can't take this anymore and to wish for our life's before this disease. We are only human! At least I think I still am!

I have to believe that God is answering our prayers. They just aren't the answers we want but that doesn't make any of this easier.

I don't know where you live but if it in s good as the weather here in PA go sit outside. I'm going to. I know you probably think you can't with the pain but hopefully you can get your husband to set a chair out for you and we can both get some sunshine.

No that in PA I'm praying you for and wishing you happy moments!

Remember to get a lot a hugs from those boys that really helps me!

I hear your pain. I too wonder, why me. I look at the other folks out enjoying life, and I want that too. I had a good vacation, but came back to some bad news. Trying hard not to panic. Had some bad cells show up where they shouldn't be, so I am having somewhat of a pity party today myself. I really wish all of us on NT with these health conditions, would get a break and feel good for change. I hope for the best for you too. ginnie

Oh no. What does that mean???