Hey girl,

I am sorry you are going through so much. I understand pain and frustration and despair. I even understand being so exasperated with the pain that you just want it to be over. But I would never say that is okay or that your family is selfish for wanting you well. The loss of you would devestate them for years to come and cause an ongoing tragedy the consequences of which you cannot begin to imagine.

I don't remember if you had a therapist or not. There is no reason to struggle with this burden on your own. Crying all the time is exhausting and robbing you of precious energy needed for other things. If you do have a therapist and are getting nowhere in therapy be frank about that and consider finding someone who can help you. Alternate approaches like hypnosis or EMDR may be helpful. Sometimes talking about a thing can only get you so far.

On a physical note. I would encourage you to be careful of doing things that increase your symptoms. Nerves are meant to stretch but only so far. If there is compression and you are over stretching or increasing pressure with massage that is counterproductive. Do you have access to a pool? Relaxing your full body and gently working it can be very beneficial. Go easy on yourself and remember to Hold Fast during the storms.

Sending Healing Love, Littlepaw