I was going to ask you to tell me a story,so i don't have to think
about the Cancer hospital Monday. But this is for the Vegan Diet
person and that would be rude. You don't do dairy on Vegan Diet,

I was the always skinny and i mean skinny,well i take that back
I got skinny when i got married at 19. My mom never taught me to
cook,i could keep a nice house but nope,couldn't cook. I was
about 115 when i got married i was 5ft 4in. my husband wasn't
more then 5ft 7in and weight around 155. But that man was strong
could lift anything heavy. Well i didn't know how to tell him i couldn't
cook,you can't fake that forever. We went to the grocery store,remember
when you could feed more than 2 on 35 dollars. You got bags of
things i couldn't cook. We would go home put all that food away,i
would just smile,and say i was sooo tired would he mind fixing himself
a sandwich. And i would go to bed hungry,it was awfull,he was the type
who liked to read the paper in the morning and liked it quiet. So he told
me go ahead and sleep in,he would fix his breskfast. I would lay in bed
and smell all the good food and cry. What i didn't know was my mom
had already told him,i couldn't cook and they had a bet,when i would
break down and tell. He finally felt sorry for me and broke down and
told me. You know i wonder how much money my mom made. Oh well
he finally taught me to cook before i starved to death. I was not
amused Jarrett. Ha Sue

That wasn't amusing, was it? I didn't learn to cook til I got married the second time. As much of an A$$hole as my first husband was he could and did cook and well. So we didn't starve. I learned to cook by trial and error. But the time the kids started coming I could cook pretty decent simple meals. I hate to cook. My 21 yr old daughter that still lives at home *loves* to cook and hates to do dishes. I'd much rather do dishes so I'm sure you know how we handle that. She cooks like you wouldn't believe. I can do the good old fashioned southern cooking, no problem. But she puts things together that I would never think of. I haven't done much southern cooking in years because it's not very healthy even though it tastes wonderful. Sigh. Give me Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner to cook and I love it! Home made applesauce, and homemade pumpkin pie. Wild turkey ( the bird not the bottle ) Yum....I'm drooling on my KB now.

I hope I'm able to maintain now without SSRI's. I was told that as long as it took me to get to the point I needed meds was how long I was going to have to on them to reset my serotonin levels. It's been that long. And I've not had any symptoms in over a year now. Before that time I still had break-through anxiety and depression.

As bad as my anxiety was if I felt that bad again I'd *much* rather be fat and have no anxiety. I walked around afraid *all* the time. It was terrible.

The first week I was married I told Alan I was an expert cook. I couldn't cook a can of beans, believe me.

So we were married for two whole days and I promised him a dish of lasagna. Who the hell knew how to cook lasagna?? My mother cooked Lasagna, not me!!!

What did Melody do?? Melody went to the store and bought a great big frozen thing called Stauffer's Lasagna. You just preheat the oven to 350 degrees, pop it in and bake if for an hour.

So being married a whole two days, who knew what time Alan would come home. So what did I do? I took a bag of flour, poured it all over the kitchen, on the sink, on myself, in my hair (I saw someone on tv do this).

I then cooked the Lasagna, made a salad (thank god, I knew how to make a salad).

When Alan walked in the door, he saw me sitting on the chair full of flour, the table was all set and I blurted out "oh, I worked all day on this lasagna".

He said "Oh you poor thing". How he loved me, HOW HE LOVED THIS LASAGNA!!!! How good was I?????

lol

P.S. I never have told him the whole story.

J when i moved back to Mo. i was thrilled the cooking,oh boy.The
holidays were wonderfull you didn't knoe what to have first,and there
was so much of it. Yum,but like you the older i got and the more
i dropped my kids helped than they ran off. Now it's me and Bob and
his girls. Ha

Mel i think i saw that on Lucy,who cares it worked.lol I just loved that
show. And Alan got fed and you got to eat.

And J i think i would ratter be fat then have that anxiety,i have crying
jumping all day. And my Neuro's on vacation,calm and happy i'm sure.
to you both Sue

I love it! Great one Mel! And kudos to Alan for being such a sweetheart. I'm sure he figured out some of it by now.

I'm sorry. I can relate. I have a doctors appt tomorrow that my NP has put off twice now! And the last time I was there was when she told me I had *very* high cholesterol but never did give me any numbers. And a liver enzyme out of whack as well. Gotta love 'em - *not*.

My anxiety was causing me to have asthma-like attacks and I don't have asthma. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe. As soon as I'd lay down it would feel like my lungs were filling up with fluid. Scared the t-total hell outta me. It took about 3 months of Celexa, Buspar, and a several different asthma meds to get that part under control. Up until that point I never slept more than 2 hours at a time. We even ripped up the carpet in the bedroom and put down wood flooring. During that period was the closest I ever came to quitting smoking since I first started smoking. Ended up in the ER with shortness of breath. The doc on duty was one I knew from nursing clinicals. She listened to my lungs and told me if it would make me feel better she'd go ahead and X-ray them. She meant it...she wanted to relieve my anxiety. She told me my lungs were both clear as bell and she couldn't believe I was a smoker. She looked at me and said, "You know what's going on don't you? You're having an anxiety attack." As soon as she said it it all clicked and I burst into tears. It was a relief just having a name for it. She gave me a script for enough Xanax to get me through to my regular doctors appt I had scheduled for that following Monday. This was Friday night. I didn't get the script filled til Sunday afternoon cause I was scared to death of Xanax. But when the inhaler she gave me was working for only 2 hours at a time I figured I had nothing to lose and got it filled. Do you know, within 20 minutes of taking one pill all my symptoms were gone as if they'd never been. That's when I was 100% convinced.

So right now you're not taking anything for anxiety? And you do have anxiety? or is it more depression. Most of time, as I'm sure you know, they go hand in hand. It's a cycle...no matter which came first it triggers the other. My anxiety triggered depression which made me more anxious and on and on.

I wish I could wave a wand and make you feel better. Heck, I wish that for all of us.

I have a few things to add. On the anxiety/depression I had it so bad and still do but more manageable. This pain issue has added a lot to getting some it back of course. I will say at one time because of anxiety and this was about 2-3 yrs ago I would only leave my home once a week or so I feared everything and the depression made me unable to do daily things even. I have been on meds and in treatment centers for trying to commit suicide and eating disorder so I have tried many meds. Up till this pn issue I began to relly live and was in school,friends so on. I think for me the meds and treatment got me stable and to be able to think clearer but it took and still now a lot of self talk and using my coping mechanisms. Really I know how hard it is to push through the fear/depression but really its a must. Its making yourself even go to a book store when you feel like staying in. When you have panic attack self talk about what is irrational vs rational. Using support with family/friends,therapy,support groups. Setting goals small and big. A huge helper was creating more of a life which is hard when the depression/anxiety stops you but taking a class,calling a friend so on and when you see you can get past the fear it get easier. I will say at the start and even down the road its hard as hell but holding onto hope and take 1 day at a time.
Now onto the weight/food. I have seen a nutritionist for 12 years. I'm the opposite as I had to gain like 40 pounds and have been encouraged to gain a few more. Anyhow I think finding a good nutritionist can be such a key to success. The support for the mental and the BALANCE is the key which they help with. I have really learned unless allergic or have an issue there is no good or bad foods. I think quick fixes never last and set you up for mental and physical issues. You want to build a healthy lifestyle. I know how hard weight issues are trust me it took me 12 years but really I feel its a huge key to mental and physical health. Now I just have to cut down on my candy addiction. One day at a time.I really encourage everyone here to find a good nutritionist.

Hi again Jarrett and Sue:

Want to hear something interesting?? I have neve had a panic attack in my life. I watched someone have one once. Not pretty. They called an ambulance and it was an 18 year old having the attack. Someone said "don't worry, he's only having a panic attack, he gets them all th time". The ambulance came, gave him oxygen, and he was fine in no time.

Now i have no idea what precipitate this. But I witnessed it. And in others. You would think, me being a phobic, would freak out when I was going to the dentist. But no, I didn't freak out. I was just frightened to death. I finally found my phobia guy and the only time I took a xanax during the daytime was when I had a dental appointment. Took the edge off. I take one to sleep also. I sleep 8 hours straight.

Other than that, I have learned (and don't ask me how I did this, my friends can't do this, they don't understand how I do this, believe me). I have just let go of my anxiety about my son being a compulsive gambler, and his having aspergers. He lives 3000 miles away. I have absolutely no control over his behavior. He might end up in jail because he has no conscience and would commit a crime if he could get away with it. He has told me this.

I used to cry and go nuts (never had a panic attack though). I spoke to a psychiatrist (at a neuropathy meeting no less, and this was 4 years ago). He told me "you better put up those boundaries, these asperger kids are coming out of the woodwork". Now I didn't know what he meant but we talked for half an hour. Imagine getting to speak to a psychiatrist for free for 30 minutes and he was there because he had neuropathy!!!

He was the nicest doctor. He saw my bewilderment and he counseled me. I never forgot his advice. I joined asperger support groups, forums, and gamanon support groups. I even went to a Gamanon meeting.

My god, all those mothers with dead eyes, and the son still lived with them and the did not have the strength to kick the kids out. They just gave them money.

I just looked at them. I have never given my son a dime. He knew I wouldn't and that's why he moved out.

I've had a lot of adjustments to make. I feel this way, "it will either kill me or make me stronger". I just want to become stronger.

Hey, not easy. It's an every day struggle not to go crazy over our children.

But I do my thing, one step at a time.

Love you both.
Melody

Your right boundaries are so important,along with using your voice,asking for help,and getting treatment. Its hard I know when in that mindset that things can be different but they can really. You have to hold onto hope and as my psych says since were quoting you have to feel it in your heart that you want more not just in your mind. If that makes sense.